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Don’t want to wake up
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I don’t know what to do. Nothing helps, and I’ve been to many different therapists, been on every antidepressant/mood stabilisers, psych ward, hospital, you name it. All since age 14 and I’m almost 26. Recently been told by a trauma therapist that I have CPTSD. I have so much trauma and trust issues that I just isolate and don’t go anywhere. Especially since I had to move back with family due to my flatmate that put me in danger. Gave up alcohol, just ended up depending on other substances. Trying to sort EMDR but I honestly have no hope. Every day I beg the universe to please just let me go.
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Dear Depressed-meme,
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. You have had to deal with a huge amount from a very young age.
I have CPTSD too and I very much relate to having trust issues and isolating. One thing that I have found helpful is time with animals as I find I can trust animals more easily than people. I was wondering if you have ever thought about any kind of animal therapy. There are things like equine assisted therapy. I did do one session of that which I found helpful. That may or may not feel like the right thing for you, but I thought I'd mention it just in case.
One of the worst things about CPTSD is it can leave us feeling quite fearful and hopeless at times. But it is so important to know there is part of you that is ok underneath all that. I've gradually learned that there are parts of me that have been damaged but there is also an ok part underneath and the damaged parts can gradually be healed over time. It is quite a process and not an easy one, but I've been learning how to start caring for those damaged parts of myself and begin to integrate them back into myself so they are less fragmented and more part of the whole.
I also find time in nature helpful, even just sitting in my backyard with the birds dashing about amongst the plants and trees. Do you have anything like that where you can feel even a little sense of connection and safety?
How are you going with your family? I know it can be hard to move back after having moved out. I hope it is at least a bit of a safety net for you at the moment, especially after having what sounds like a stressful experience with your flatmate.
Take good care and we are here to support you if you need to communicate how you are feeling.
Very best wishes,
Eagle Ray