Hi H-c
Try and be gentle on yourself and all you're going through, especially under the circumstances. When I look back on some of the significant challenges I've faced in life, often I think 'You should have been much kinder to yourself'. At the time, it can be hard to achieve, for sure.
I've been thinking of you and wondering what your ultimate challenge appears to be. While one of the challenges you face is obvious, keeping up your grades, I believe the ultimate one involves you being open with your parents about the struggle you're facing. Which parent do you feel would be most supportive? I'm hoping at least one of them would be understanding. As a mum, I face the challenges of my kids' lives with them. Every new challenge for them is a new challenge for me and we work through each one together. My role in their lives is 'Guide'. If they are still struggling with a challenge, I know I am not guiding them well enough, giving them the right understanding and skill sets in order to master a challenge. I believe, a parent should never feel bothered by their child's struggles. While a parent may sometimes feel overwhelmed by some parenting challenges, they should never feel their child is a bother.
Our parents can place a lot of conditions on us, so, sometimes we need to find the courage to express to them how unreasonable certain conditions are under certain circumstances, such as pure exhaustion. It is difficult for just about anyone to achieve incredibly high under the conditions of pure exhaustion. Most of us break down under such conditions, as mind and body are trying to cope with what exhausts them. Managing under such circumstances is important. Most of us need support.
In regard to your latest trigger, I would imagine it felt like things were okay (not good but still okay) until an extra pressure came in, maybe another assignment or an expectation to reach. Then, bamm, back in the cycle of 'I can't cope with one more thing'. I felt this myself just the other week. In my breakdown, I was able to break everything down and reform my life in a way that was workable, in a way that was much healthier for me. So, the challenge for me, in that state of anxiety heading toward exhaustion was to break everything down that was overwhelming me. Living up to the expectations of others is something I am reforming. There are some things I no longer choose to deliver, regarding expectations. Those around me will need to adjust to this. That is their challenge.
🙂
