Depression after Brain Aneurysm

[SunnyRayne]

I am at the point where I don’t think I am useful anymore. The aneurysm has destroyed my memory, both short and long term. I am treated like an idiot. I am constantly being asked if I understand or being told I am not communicating properly or repeatedly asking the same questions. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I wish this stupid aneurysm had just killed me. No one understands. 

[Croix]

Dear SunnyRayne~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the Forum.

Life has handed you a hard blow and at first glance it might seem simply too debilitating however I would like to mention a couple of things.

The first is htat you are capable of writing a very sensible post, one in which a lot of the unhappiness you feel is caused by the insensitivity of others, rahter than you.

It is realy impossible to predict how 'useful' you can be becuse it comes in so meany different ways

First being kind or maybe offering companionship to another in need may make a huge difference in their life -and that is only one possibility out of many.

The other thing is that there is a time to be 'useful',  no doubt, but there is also a time to simply enjoy life, irrespective of memory. A very close family member had her memory, yes both short and long term, gradually fail, but even so she enjoyed her life and was happy.

Things such as people coming and going held her interest, and sitting in the sun with birds nearby was enough to make the day a good one

Please relax and smell the roses

Croix

[SunnyRayne]

I appreciate your response but it is hard for anyone to fully understand. I lost my career, family and independence. Living as a disability pensioner at 45 is embarrassing. Living in a share house is embarrassing. Knowing my children are embarrassed by me is even worse. There is nothing to smile about

[L47]

Hi Sunny Rayne,

I hear your anger.

I feel your anger.

I feel my own anger too.

I am angry at the unfair cards I have been dealt. 

What are the ways you sit with your anger? It is uncomfortable for others to hear so it is something people are always trying to get rid of or move on from or fix.

But it is something that I must learn to sit with, although it makes me tired....as I'm sure it does for you. 

[Croix]

Dear SunnyRayne~

I am sure I do not understand all the feelings you have. I do know what it is like to lose the ability to earn, I can well understand the complete change of life being in a shared house - some of which are horrible as well as having staff who are condescending, and I can imagine how you must feel when reduced from parent to embarrassment, though I hope they still have love for you.

All incredibly hard to cope with and I really wish you did not have to.

I don't know if any of those things can be changed by you - maybe or maybe not, I guess it depends upon your body and how badly damaged it is. At the moment the grief, loss, frustration, limitations and embarrassment are top of your mind - which is very natural, will last but may become less as your life has new experiences.

People's feelings of well-being often come from respect, accomplish and enjoyment as they have for me. As time goes on I hope you find they come back to being within your reach. Not as they did before but in new ways you will never have thought of. This is not a lecture, just the thoughts that occur.

Please do not think I"m making light of your situation -far from it. I'm trying to offer suggestions on how how to cope. That won't happen quickly, but may be possible.

I had a friend for very many years who was became totally paralyzed (I don't mention him to compare with you and say others have it bad) and started by living in an institution . Though the use of a computer he eventually became master of his own life, even though he required constant attention, and gained status though running his household, giving practical advice to others, and playing cards and particularly dungeons and dragons and enjoying comedy. I'm not suggesting these are things you can do (except the comedy)

He was no worse off than you and I"m not suggesting he was, his life changed after his accident as abruptly and completely as yours, but I mention him to show there is hope for better things. After a while I just saw the person, not the disability.

If you think I'm unfeeling I apologize. You are welcome here anytime.

Croix

[SunnyRayne]

Thankyou Croix

I know you were trying to help and your kind words are very appreciated.