Christmas Drinking and Work

[Tryingtomoveon]

I had my work Christmas party on Friday night. I was quite anxious going and I ended up getting really drunk and ended up puking and having to be brought home by someone else in the office. I don't remember a lot of it. I woke up completely paniced on Saturday morning and ended up with my friend ringing the CAT team for me. All I wanted to do was end it all. I have managed to get myself back into the window of tolerance and the feelings aren't as big I do feel safe. But I do feel overwhelmed and the thought of logging onto work tomorrow is completely overwhelming and freaking me out that I will be fired. I keep catastrophising and I know that rationally I'm not being right but the thoughts just keep on coming. I know it is my own fault but I haven't been in this job long and it is senior so I just feel like I've done damage and if something is said I don't know how I will handle it. How do I work through this? I also think it is the time of year I find really hard but why did it have to all come crashing down at a Christmas function 

[Bob_22]

Hi tryingtomoveon,

Thanks for your post. I'm sorry to hear that you've been anxious and catastrophising following your work christmas party. It is perfectly natural to feel anxious about going back to work, but to the point that it is overwhelming and you're feeling suicidal means you may need some support. It is great that you made steps to contact your friend and the community team and have come to the forums for advice.

I would say it is quite common for us to make a mistake or do something at work (especially christmas parties!) that we think may compromise our job. But you're right in saying that catastrophising is something that can't be helped and will happen to people with anxiety regardless. Some tips I've used to challenge irrational thoughts is asking myself: "what would I say to a friend in a similar situation?" "what happened the last time I was this anxious? how did things resolve?", "if something bad were to happen, what would I do? Is it in my control?".

These are just some general techniques I've learned through CBT but they can take a lot of practice and support from a psychologist. I would definitely recommend exploring it if you have a mental health professional. 

Please keep us updated on how you're going. How was it going back to work today? Remember, if you need some more support or need to talk to someone you can also call the counsellors here at beyond blue at anytime by going here also: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

Sorry for the rambling but hope that helps.

Bob

[therising]

Hi Tryingtomoveon

I feel so deeply for you as you face so many anxiety inducing emotions. It's a horrible feeling, a truly horrible sickening feeling, when you wake up the next day and think 'What have I done? Oh my god, what have I done?!'. As a gal who used to manage years in long term depression with alcohol (throughout the whole of my 20s), I remember that feeling so clearly. I know it may not help to think 'That wasn't me' (that person at the C'mas party) but the truth is it wasn't entirely you. Something to keep in mind if people decide to speak to you about it.

So many facets to us: The adventurer, the introvert perhaps, the social butterfly, the reasonable sense of self (the analyst in us that looks for reasons), the sage etc. In hindsight, I can say drinking quietened my shy sense of self while bringing out the social butterfly. It pushed the analyst into the background (the part that would analyse how socially dysfunctional I was), while bringing my carefree sense of self to life. And while the sage in me would be insisting I stop drinking, it would be drowned out by more alcohol. If you happen to have an introverted facet to you, an analyst in you and an inner sage, you could say they weren't present, therefor you weren't entirely you on this occasion.

With alcohol present, bamm, they've come back to life and may all be talking at once. The introvert may be saying 'Why did you do that? I'm so embarrassed'. The analyst will try and analyse everything in connection to the occasion. The sage is the part worth listening to the most. It's the part that's possibly dictating 'You have got to stop beating yourself up. Stop fearing what people think of you. Calm down. Breathe! Just breathe'. Hard to pay attention to the sage in us when we're in a severe state of physical/mental hyperactivity (the kind that comes with stress, regret and fear).

If your mantra for managing this does come to be 'This wasn't me' or 'This wasn't entirely me', perhaps the question that follows could be 'Who do you wish to be from this moment onward?'. Could this point to a fresh start of some kind, some type of conscious reform?