Can masterbation be a type of self harm?

[Alel]

Ive been struggling with masterbation since I was really young. 

When i get the urge, I start feeling dizzy and shaky. My heart beats fast and I feel nauseous. 

After I feel disgusted and angry with myself.

I noticed that, most of the time, I masterbate when I am not doing mentally well that day.

But there are times where it just comes randomly or triggered from somthing I've seen/heard.

I was sa by my cousins when I was younger, but I don't know if this is the cause of it, due to not having any memories of that time. 

[Sophie_M]

 Hi Alel,

Thank you for sharing with us here today. We can hear how much what is happening is distressing to you. We’re really glad you could come and share this here, it’s not an easy thing to do.

We wanted to also acknowldge how sorry we are to hear that you have a lived experience of sexual assault. Trauma can impact us in so many ways, both emotionally and physically.
 
You deserve to have some support managing this. Are you linked in with any good supports at the moment? We really encourage you to give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are 1800RESPECT, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  

• Beyond Blue  
• 1800RESPECT
• Lifeline  
• Headspace (9am-1am AEST)  

Hopefully, you’ll hear from this lovely community soon. Thank you again for being so brave today with sharing what you are feeling.
 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[smallwolf]

Hello and Welcome,

Sad to read what happened to you when you were younger. It sounds like a really tough situation to be dealing with. Feeling those intense physical reactions and then the disgust and anger towards yourself afterward must be incredibly difficult. I can't imagine how draining that cycle is for you.

I just want to validate how unfair it is that you have to go through this.

Is there anyone that you trust or feel safe enough to talk to?  I really hope you can find a supportive person. You deserve to find some peace.

Listening if you want to chat more.