By best friend thinks I’m a bitch

[Water_Low]

By best friend thinks I’m a bitch. It hurts because I thought she knew me better, she knows everything about me, family issues, depression, etc. I’ve always expressed my love for her, to make it known that I appreciate her, yet one day she just started excluding me to hang out with this other girl, this other girl’s really nice and I hold no resentment towards her nor to my best friend, because people grow apart. I knew I still wanted her in my life, but I also knew I had to stop diluting myself into thinking that I was her best friend anymore, so I distanced myself, got closer to other people. She started acting weird so I reached out and asked if everything was okay, it wasn’t, she was mad at me. I asked why and she said I was being a bitch toward her, I explained my feelings and she boiled it down to “you can’t act like that because I’m not choosing you enough” that hurt. To have all your feelings boiled down to something seemingly so petty, it made me question myself, was I being a bitch? Am I overreacting? It’s still hard to answer those because I love her and empathise with her point of view. She told me she needed a break from our friendship. That hurt as well. Thinking back on all those memories, it seemed like she threw it away so easily. She hasn’t spoken to me since, I respect her boundaries and haven’t engaged in any conversation either. But part of me is mad, so so SO mad, mad that she excluded me then had the audacity to call us a trio (a trio where 2 people hang out on a weekend and never invite the third apparently), I just wanted some empathy and understanding from her. I love her of course but part of me wishes she’d falls down the stairs or something. I feel like absolute shit, I’ve started self harming again, I called lifeline for the first time ever because I had no one else to turn too. The worst part is I feel like a bad person, whether I was being a bitch or not I feel like one for wishing bad things on her. It’s hard.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Water_Low,

We're so sorry to hear about your friendship struggles, but we're really glad you've come here for support tonight. Welcome to the forums by the way 🙂

We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.  Our friends at Kids Helpline are also a great option for support. You can contact them here at 1800 55 1800 or on their webchat here - Both services are 24/7.

We also really recommend having a look at the Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.

PLEASE NOTE:  If you ever feel unsafe, please call 000 (triple zero), or attend your nearest hospital emergency department for care. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Water_Low

My heart goes out to you as you manage to make sense of so many different thoughts and emotions involved in such a challenging and heartbreaking situation. With strong friendships being such a heartfelt thing, either way we can experience that kind of heart song we feel through the connection or the heartbreak that can come through a sense of disconnection.

Being a 52 yo gal, I've now reached the point we're I've developed the mantra 'I had no idea that was a trigger' (that person, environment, situation, those words, that tone etc). Gradually developing a list of things that can trigger me down towards a depression or up into a hyperactive state of anxiety means I'm technically coming to know myself better. Being such a feeling person means recognising we'll feel shifts of different kinds. The real challenge can come down to recognising exactly what we're feeling. I find the really intense situations can involve a lot of mixed emotions. While anger might be the most outstanding emotion, breaking it down could mean getting a better sense of heartbreak, sense of self hatred perhaps, sense of confusion, sense of frustration, sense of betrayal or rejection and so much more. So, it's simply not anger being felt in a situation, there can be a fierce energetic swirling tornado of emotions.

While many of us come into this world with the senses of sight, smell, taste, touch and sound and the senses of feeling, wonder/curiosity, adventure, intuition and more, I think it's the more subtle senses that we tend to struggle with the most. With the feeling factor, 'How are you feeling?' can take on a whole new meaning. Sometimes I feel through my nervous system, sometimes through my relevant or outdated mental beliefs (the outdated or depressing ones have gotta go), sometimes through pure instinct or intuition and sometimes through the connection I have with another (when I can feel their pain or joy). There are so many different ways to feel. If you happen to be perhaps feeling your friend's resentment or heartache, remember these are their feelings you may be getting a sense of. Maybe you're both feeling similar emotions. You might both be surprised if you decide to compare them with each other. Together you might be able to identify some new ones you've both never experienced before. Of course, the choice remains yours.

While being sensitive is a strength, involving an ability, how we develop and manage our senses or sensitivity is key.

[Guest_25193093]

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're experiencing with your best friend. It's clear that you value your friendship a lot and have made efforts to express your love and appreciation. It's also understandable that you would feel hurt and confused by the situation. It's important to remember that friendships, like any relationship, can go through ups and downs. It's possible that your friend's behavior and feelings are influenced by various factors, and it's not solely about you being a "bitch" or overreacting.

Communication is key in situations like this. Have an open and honest conversation with your friend about how you both feel. Express your perspective calmly and listen to her point of view as well. Try to understand each other's feelings and find common ground. It's also okay to take a break from the friendship if needed, to give both of you time to reflect and heal. Remember that friendships can evolve, and sometimes taking a step back can lead to a healthier and stronger relationship in the future. Take care of yourself during this time, and don't hesitate to reach out for support from other friends or loved ones.

[Guest_25193093]

 Communication is key in situations like this, but it's important to approach it with empathy and understanding. Maybe when things have cooled down a bit, you could try having a heart-to-heart conversation with your friend, expressing your feelings calmly and listening to hers as well.

In the meantime, remember to take care of yourself and lean on other supportive people in your life. Friendships can be resilient, and sometimes taking a step back can lead to a clearer path forward. Wishing you strength and healing during this challenging time.