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Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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WishIwereSomeoneElse Broken Cancer Survivor. Im án ashamed mother and wife
  • replies: 11

I am beyond desperate. I have a long life history of CPTSD from childhood trauma to being a victim of crime. I was raped by my ex. I met the love of my life but failed him. I lost 2 out of 5 of our babies. I am always sick.'I have 3 additional needs ... View more

I am beyond desperate. I have a long life history of CPTSD from childhood trauma to being a victim of crime. I was raped by my ex. I met the love of my life but failed him. I lost 2 out of 5 of our babies. I am always sick.'I have 3 additional needs kids. I am a self-harmer & eating disorder. I cant even succeed in my suicide attempts. I recently battled Grade 3 triple-negative breast cancer. I survived but barely. I cannot cope. I am resisting the urge to hurt myself but I won't. I have 3 absolutely beautiful boys.I fought like hell for my life. I adore them and they need me. My husband&I have drifted apart. I feel so much shame over what I have done to him. He didn't know what he was in for marrying me. I made the "best thing that has ever happened to me" a shadow of himself. He had to keep the family going while I battled cancer. We lost our home and had to "couch surf" with family. We have been homeless ever since my diagnosis. We now live with my husbands side of the family to give my family a break. Living under the same roof with a family like mine, who has so many challenges causes major disturbance. I think I should leave. My husband cant stand me anymore. I see it in his eyes. He told me to go. Im destroying them. Honestly, I am. My husband said 6 words to me I will never forget "YOU HAVE HURT MY LIFE"... and God, it's so very true. I am so disappointed with how I have turned out. I know - deep down - that the greatest thing I could do for the ones I love, is to remove myself before more damage is done. I'm a crap magnet and don't want the boys to know what that is like. I have looked at free campgrounds near by so I can be near my boys. I have no money. I have nothing. I don't even have a car to sleep in. I just have the clothes on my back and the love in my heart for my children. I wished I could nourish the love in my heart that I have for my husband but I can't even look him in the eye. I'm such a disgusting disappointment. The best thing I can do is remove myself so that my beautiful family can pick up the pieces without me causing more disturbance, but I was the victim of a house invasion and have terrifying fears of the thought of camping by myself. I do not know one person here. Im in such deep deep dispair. Has ANYONE been in my position? Can anyone offer me a line of hope. I would never end it, because it would destroy my kids but Im so tortured and cant see daylight... I am shaking constantly. its horrible.

Alldolledup How to reach out - for real?
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone I hope you're all doing well So I've been struggling with anxiety/depression for a while and I've been going to a therapist and on medication for five years this year. It's good and it helped at first, but I've definitely become sorta st... View more

Hey everyone I hope you're all doing well So I've been struggling with anxiety/depression for a while and I've been going to a therapist and on medication for five years this year. It's good and it helped at first, but I've definitely become sorta stagnant with my progress and now things are regressing. Ive been in and out of severe depressive episodes since the end of 2019 and it's never entirely gone back to normal. At this point I've pretty much lost hope. I've been on and off suicidal for a couple years and I usually play it down when talking to people so as not to worry them. I've been told I likely am on the spectrum and have been screened for OCD and been told it's a high possibility, but no one is helpful. I've been two three psychiatrists and three psychologists and they've never taken the time to properly diagnose me with anything other than anxiety and gender incongruence. And even to get that took months and like five psychiatrist visits. I cannot go back to school. I cannot. I'm supposed to in a couple of days but I will just dissociate and become severely depressed again and I know that. I want to go to a psych ward for a couple weeks and see if it helps. I've read about it and I have friends who have been and really benefited from it, but my parents are really opposed to the idea. I think they think of mental asylums from the 1900s when they hear 'psych ward' rather than like proper therapy. And by asking to go to a psych ward, I feel like I'm overexaggerating or just looking for attention. I want a doctor to like suggest it naturally or something, but the only way I think they would is if I told them how serious I am feeling suicidal at times and I'm really bad at talking about that stuff. Anyway, any suggestions?

Pandemica The nights are the worst.
  • replies: 53

I find that the hardest time of all are the evenings. I live alone and the house is so quiet. I lay awake each night, not being able to sleep and the darkness outside my bedroom window matches the darkness inside of me. Its at these times that the sa... View more

I find that the hardest time of all are the evenings. I live alone and the house is so quiet. I lay awake each night, not being able to sleep and the darkness outside my bedroom window matches the darkness inside of me. Its at these times that the sadness feels so powerful and overwhelming. I can feel it sitting inside of my stomach like a heavy rock. I have lived a majority of my life like this and can't see any way to stop feeling like this. What are some strategies that people might use when both your thoughts and feelings are at their darkest.

ktac1689 Feeling suicidal off and on
  • replies: 20

Hi, It has been a little while since I have been here. I am generally one step forward two steps back. I am working again and had not disclosed the events of last year or my suicide attempts with anyone there as I do not want them treating me like a ... View more

Hi, It has been a little while since I have been here. I am generally one step forward two steps back. I am working again and had not disclosed the events of last year or my suicide attempts with anyone there as I do not want them treating me like a freak. I love my job and I think it is one of the few things really keeping me here. I have a good GP and have had to wait for another psych appointment due to working full time. I have not been feeling well and sleeping a lot of the time when not at work. I have been feeling so irritable a lot of the time too and lost a friend recently because of it. I still don’t want to be here. I start every week thinking I will end things on the weekend but when the weekend comes I manage to change my plans. This has happened for weeks. I haven’t told anyone about this as I don’t want people to think I am attention seeking or whatever. I do not ever want to go back into hospital either. Is anyone else feeling this way?

NonStampCollectorFan Slave to madness?
  • replies: 3

Before contacting "Lifeline" and after when I was trying to sleep I was tormented with subconscious thoughts and feelings of rage and grief. In truth I wish my consious would just check out or go into a coma. I kinda mentioned fears of going mad to l... View more

Before contacting "Lifeline" and after when I was trying to sleep I was tormented with subconscious thoughts and feelings of rage and grief. In truth I wish my consious would just check out or go into a coma. I kinda mentioned fears of going mad to lifeline and the thought of suicide was pretty much the only thought in my head during the night. I estimate that it was 5 hours of madness whilist going to sleep then 5 hours of sleep. Anyhow I've looked online to find articles on madness and discovered thats its quite a rare topic. The best i could find on youtube - Mad King of Britain: King George III https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh0RV27qxSA Any ideas on a midnight quick-fix?

PocketRocket88 When will this end… TW suicidal Ideation
  • replies: 8

I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, Anxiety and Depression a couple of years ago. If anyone knows what bpd is, it explains everything I am not just after i got diagnosed but probably throughout my life. One massive symptom of it... View more

I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, Anxiety and Depression a couple of years ago. If anyone knows what bpd is, it explains everything I am not just after i got diagnosed but probably throughout my life. One massive symptom of it is having suicidal ideation and urges as well as suicidal behaviour/attempts and risky behaviours. So for years, day in and day out, I constantly have this nagging thought of killing myself and sometimes just hurt myself. But in the past week or two, this has turned to the worst. I’ve been in and out of hospital lately, but the thing is no matter what my local hospital won’t involuntarily admit me when I still pose a risk to myself… but to be frank I honestly believe that there’s no one can do now, I feel that I’m pass being helped. I’ve tried almost everything, if not all, possible things I can do to help myself including reaching out to services for support. But no matter what I still end up in this hole I’m in right now.,and it’s exhausting. So ye., I don’t know what else to do now and don’t know if it will get better.

GTL Advice and plain old love
  • replies: 4

To all who come here, I send my love to you. I have been down this road too. Often. When the body is tired and the spirit exhausted, it is hard to continue. But I know know that my depression is a full-body thing. We can all meet plain old sadness he... View more

To all who come here, I send my love to you. I have been down this road too. Often. When the body is tired and the spirit exhausted, it is hard to continue. But I know know that my depression is a full-body thing. We can all meet plain old sadness head on if we are well. It is a natural part of life. But I have one observation for you from my experiences. I had a realisation after changing medications, that my suicidal ideations were no caused by my sadness or despair. It was the full 6-week wait for my new meds to kick in. (I could not be on the old meds and the new at the same time). It became obvious that no traumas in the world could cause such sudden grief and such black thinking; it was not logical. There was nothing more wrong with me than normal. It was my chemistry, my brain and my body that was telling me to die – not me. I waited for six weeks even though I could not stop planning my death. I survived because I realised those thoughts were not real. The doctor was right, the new meds were a better fit and were worth it. Remember, it is our whole self – muscles, bones, fluids, and neurons that are depressed. Our thoughts are just the triggered illusion of who we are. They are not permanent. I got my body right. My chemicals and muscles eventually succumbed to treatment. Now I enjoy talk therapy and love just plain old talk. Live for others, live for yourself and be patient and kind. Don’t fight your body, give it help. Let the thoughts of killing your body come and go. They are the natural expression of a system that is out of order. Slowly get stronger, don’t expect your thoughts to change on their own. When you are well, you will be able to embrace sadness then let that too pass in time. Believe me, that will be worth waiting for. I am emerging from the tunnel of darkness, and you may too if you see your GP, get the assistance you deserve, then exercise, and let your thoughts come and go as they will. They are not your master.

naustical11 I truly can not see the way out
  • replies: 6

Things just Continue to get worse and I can not cope . I find myself just wishing for the unmentionable. Not in a way I would pursue it , I’m too cowardly for that . but I fantasize about it being taken out of my hands. Anything that involves this fe... View more

Things just Continue to get worse and I can not cope . I find myself just wishing for the unmentionable. Not in a way I would pursue it , I’m too cowardly for that . but I fantasize about it being taken out of my hands. Anything that involves this feeling stopping . for context . I am a parent , a sole one . I am on a low income despite working unreasonable hours . I am truly exhausted . Work home work home . There is never a reprieve . There is no option to quit because then my people stop eating . I am essentially working for nothing . All my work is for naught , my financial situation is going backwards . We live on nothing , we can afford no bonuses . Literally living so far below thr bread line . Not even being able to afford basica groceries . our situation can not improve financially . This is literally the best it gets for us and that just cripples me entirely . No house to look forward too , no future . For christs sake we can’t even look forward to a take away meal . i am existing . There is no enjoyment at all in life and I am just completely done . I am multiple chronic health issues and even of the brief chance I am not passively fantasizing about the unmentionable, my physical health is failing . It feels like some cruel cosmic joke thah I only seem to be on this earth to live in misery and in illness and pain all in one . I love my children with every fiber of me and that’s the only thing keeping me present , is knowing if I go then I’d mess up some amazing people in the process . I have NO social network , none . I am isolated and GP is well aware of this . Psychologist tells me to keep “plugging on “ I feel like nothing but a number to those too . why should I ? What the hell is is the point of being here .

Bonker How do you take the first step
  • replies: 7

Hi, 1st time posting however have looked at the material on the site a number of times. Have also sought practitioner help previously and talked certain things through. All advice provided matched what i knew i should do be doing. Walk, exercise, pla... View more

Hi, 1st time posting however have looked at the material on the site a number of times. Have also sought practitioner help previously and talked certain things through. All advice provided matched what i knew i should do be doing. Walk, exercise, plan and structure my life, find something i enjoy to do, spend time with friends and family etc. What i seem to struggle with is taking the first step. I did bring my thoughts up with my closest mates as i wanted one of them to be the support person as suggested on the safety plan, but they then panicked and did not want to leave me alone which i definitely dont want I still think about it daily whether it is just a passing thought, a plan or reminding myself i need to make a will to ensure everything goes to my children. What is the best way to stop making excuses for not starting my exercise, or walking or planning. I want to start, i know i need to, i know i want to but i will always find something else to do. Even just stare at a wall and think of what i need to do even though i have thought or planned it a hundred times before. Any advice other than booking an appontment with someone be appreciated as i know what i need to do, i just dont seem to be able to start. Thank you.

Snufkin School is so stressful I feel like I cant take it anymore.
  • replies: 2

I don't know how much longer I can handle going to school. I don't absorb any information in class, I always hand in my assessments late (if i hand them in at all) and I have no idea how to connect to other people in my year. I'm terrified about my f... View more

I don't know how much longer I can handle going to school. I don't absorb any information in class, I always hand in my assessments late (if i hand them in at all) and I have no idea how to connect to other people in my year. I'm terrified about my future if I'm already failing this early on, even thinking about it makes me feel like throwing up. Honestly, living to find out sounds terrifying. I've always wanted to be an artist so I went to an art school but that has literally ruined art for me, I feel disgusted whenever I look at my art but I cant not do art because my whole life that's been the only thing I care about and if I don't have that then my life isn't worth living. I'm so tired all the time so I never end up doing classwork, I don't even know why I'm still here, I feel like I'm wasting my parents money but I just cant bring myself to care. I just want everything to stop. i think the only reason I haven't acted on my negitive thoughts, I'm too scared to. I cant bring myself to actually tell anyone because I don't want to be a burden. I have friends I could maybe talk to but I'm not at all close to any of them and I feel opening up about this would just push them away even more. I have no idea what to do and I'm absolutely terrified.