Where is your safe space?

[Guest_1643]

Do you have a happy place? A place where you can exhale, and feel okay, if just for a moment?

Is it your backyard, or a shed you work in? Is it at the gym? Do u breathe a sigh of relief when you close the door to your therapists office, knowing you can talk about ur life without inhibition?

When I was 22 I became a gym-junkie. I went to a gym that was mostly older people and wasn't about body-pride but was truly about being fit and strong. I used to love going there, zoning out, and reading magazines or watching music videos on the gym tvs. I think it was important to have a phsyical place that I felt welcomed and okay. The gym trainers all knew me and told me I was doing great at my regimen... it was a warm place to go and I went often. It was safe.

What's ur fave happy space?

[Matchy69]

Sleepy I have so much on my mind even though I am so tired I can't sleep and to the pain killers usually help with that.When my son came over today he just wanted to sleep.He is so tired all the time.He sees the specialist Wendesday,see if she has any answers.I am not sure when I go back to the specialist,I haven't got a letter yet.

[Jstar49]

Hi Sleepy, hi all,

Great thread topic, thanks for thinking of it.

I could relate to so much of what evryone has said, nature, beach especially, a nice sunny space in the house, private but with a view.....

Then I thought, I feel safe in my home when I'm alone. And safe when I'm in my car or anywhere where I don't have to talk or interact with people. I guess, TBH, that I don't feel safe generally with people. Maybe its the way I was brought up- my mum didn't like us having kids over. We lived on a farm so a bit isolated. Also I feel like I say the wrong thing a lot! I have had some really bad experiences with that sort of stuff.

I hadn't thought about my feelings of safety like this before, so thx for that.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1643]

hey j -

i can understand that - a car is a layer removed from people. That sounds hard having isolation as a young child. It is interesting how we find ways to feel safe as adults and where that is. And what that feels like? How do ppl feel in their safe spaces??

I remember having a favourite short story, that I loved to pieces. I have it here with me. Whenever I read it I feel safe. Sometimes I read it aloud to myself. Its a pretty dark story but very beautifully written and truthful. I feel clear-headed, seen, and like my true being is undrstood when I read it. To me that is safe.

Thanks J for appreciating this thread. You add so much to this and many threads on the forum.

[Jstar49]

Thanks heaps Sleepy,

I really value your contributions too. there is a clarity and self knowing in your words.

I would like to know you in my life.

Isn't it interesting how we can do that online, here, be open, and let ourselves be seen? I don't do that much in life. I guess, getting back to the topic, it doesn;t feel safe.

And yet, A lot of brene Browns work is about exactly that. Being brave enough to be vulnerable. To let ourslelves be seen. (With the right people tho...discernment...)

In my childhood, it wasn't like I was alone all the time, even tho at home I felt like that. I guess, it wasn't having lots of close trusting relationships. And losing trust at an early age with school friends. I think that maybe peoples capacity for close trusting relationships can be built at young ages. I've noticed a difference in my friend who had close relationships at a young age, cousins etc. She seems able to trust and open up more easily than me. Its nice, becos then I respond in kind. Like a smile on the street I guess.

When youre smiling the world smiles with you....

Cheers,

J*

[Matchy69]

As a child I lived only metres from a creek and I use to spend a lot of time down there and I think I need every inch of it.It was really rocky with lots of trees and it flowed from a dam.It was my ho to place to escape when I was a child.

[Guest_1643]

hi

i can understand about a childhood where relatonships had a distance to them

totally understand wanting to be seen! i'm glad you find power in Brene's work. I love how she gets people to love her and be open with her. She's amazing

Mark i can't think of anything more beautiful than a creek of rushing water. I'd love to live near that. I'd never leave I don't think.

i wander where is safe and what is safe and i can't find my own safety these days. Tbh my apartment doesn't make me feel safe because it's very old. There are cracks and spiders and I feel so scared of them. Going all the way back to unsafety as a child.

I feel very safe and comfy in other ppl's homes when there is a good vibe there. I feel it right away.

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Yeah I remember (thanks for the reminder Mark) running up our drive and across the road to the river when I felt upset. Either that, or I'd go out in the paddock with the cows and horses. Not that I felt safe, exactly, with the cows..... or the bull, to be more precise. One horse was lovely.

That explains why you don't feel safe at home Sleepy.

My young d is terrified of spiders, and we're having regualr appearances of large huntsmans atm- I think they're the babies that hatched in the bathroom and then scattered. I was going to spray them but she stopped me doing it, cos she didn't want the nasty spray to kill any bees or butterflies- little darlin'! If I'd known what a problem it would cause down the track I would have done it anyway tho. I hate the thought that she might not feel safe in her own home, like you Sleepy.

It's very primal isn't it, the need for safety, particularly when we're sleeping.

Sweet dreams everyone. I'm off to run a bath.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1643]

Hi J

that sounds really interesting having cows, bulls and a beautiful horse. I don't know if I'd feel super safe with them either... but i could get used to having animals around! I like alpacas.... they are super cute..

Enjoy ur relaxtation and calm tonight.... u deserve it.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Sleepy, I hope you don't mind me popping in here. Interesting thread, and a good idea. No I don't really have a safe space, or know how to create one.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tay great to have u here... that's perfectly fine not to have a safe space!

That's interesting to think of too... there are times where I feel that nowhere is safe, or safe enough to really be a safe space.

In those times I don't feel like I can create safety anyway

This makes me think of Peter Levine, a trauma expert I like, who used to teach his patients how to give themselves a hug between sessions, because if they feel only safe with him, that's not good... they need to also find a way to feel safe alone.

Thanks for sharing Tayla! Love to hear ur point of view.