What Christmas time means for me....

[Aaronsis]

Hey BB people

With Christmas fast approaching it brings thoughts to my mind about a whole swag of things, people who will be at my table, my loved ones, friends that I will be able to catch up with, some time off work, time to spend with my beautiful children..however this Christmas will be the first without my brother, it makes me realize that sometimes Christmas is a gentle reminder that things perhaps aren't so great...

I would love to know what Christmas means for you and if it is a difficult time, what will you be doing to stay well/happy/safe?

Thanks for the chat

Aaronsis

[Aaronsis]

Hey br0kenmum

I am so very sorry that you are having such sadness and panic on the lead up to Christmas. It is so hard to get through these days with the expectations of what "should" be happening on the day, that we "should" be feeling excited and gifts flowing and laughter...I am hearing you in that you want to provide a wonderful Christmas for your son and that is so very wonderful of you as you are hurting and feeling so lousy, what an amazing mum you are.

On the first Christmas that I had with my kids after my husband and I separated I thought about how I was going to get through the day, with comparing the old, what we used to do..then I thought.."hey, I need to make my own day now with new traditions and make this about me and my kids"....so that is what I did, now at Christmas time we do a Christmas Eve thing..where they get to pick what is for dinner, we sit around and I put together a small box of special little things they like, not spending too much, just some little things they love, and we watch a movie together....then in the morning I make a huge fuss about brekky, we sometimes do waffles or pancakes or whatever it is that we have decided...then we do presents. It kind of makes the day a bit different from what we did in the past and these are our new traditions and it helps....we also take a tonne of selfies and try to laugh as much as we can.

I am so sorry you are feeling so very sad and I hope I have given you some ideas to help with the new way Christmas can look for you.

Hugs

AS

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Christmas can certainly be a very sad and lonely time for some people.

I really like Aorinsis suggestions and examples of how to make Christmas new, different and meaningful for what your life is at present.

One year I assisted with a community Christmas lunch. I really enjoyed being a part of that. Due to family expectations I have not done that again since, but remember what it was like being with people who had wanted to be with others on Christmas Day.

Writing here how you are feeling can certainly help. If your children are old enough, encourage them to talk about how they are feeling around Christmas and what their expectations are.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day, I like to light a candle for those who are not able to be with us for one reason or another.

I try to invite other people around for Christmas when possible, friends I know who don't have family close by.

One year we had a $5.00 mystery gift. All the presents were put in a box and you pulled one out. After the gifts were open, there was a lot of bartering and laughter happening. It was fun.

Our family have told us what we are doing this year, so guess we will follow those plans and make the most of Christmas along the way.

Cheers all from Dools

[Guest_9043]

Christmas is usually a very horrible painful time for me every single year.

Letting go of my mother recently well I don't have words right now. Words are just not enough.

I am not wanting to sit and mope this year I decided today. I want to be happy on that day. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet but I do want to be happy. That is my Christmas wish. Currently I'm trying to find someone who has no one for Christmas either and would like to hang out with me and have fun, be happy, laugh and joke. I really hope that for me this year.

Sarah, I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas. I'm sure you will all find a way to include Aaron.

Big hugs.

Lee.

[Aaronsis]

Thanks so very much for your kind words and I am hoping that we will have a really lovely day. I think we will cry some and laugh some and I am just not going to try to place any extra pressure on us on the day and just try to roll with it and go with the flow.

THanks so very much Lee, you are so very kind and caring.

Hugs

Sarah

[Guest_9043]

You are welcome Sarah.

Lee. x

[Doolhof]

Hi Sarah and Lee and All,

At Christmas I like to light a candle to represent all the loved ones who are no longer with us.

One year we were overseas for Christmas on a bus tour. Our group for some reason were in a restaurant by ourselves on Christmas Day. It seemed really isolating and brought back sad memories. I cried and cried that day in front of everyone, and you know what, it didn't matter.

I believe we need to do what feels right at the time, if it is crying, laughing or even a combination of both during the celebration of Christmas, then that is how it will be.

Thinking of you both with compassion and for all who are missing loved ones for one reason or another.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_9043]

Thank you Dools for sharing and for the compassion too. I was getting so stressed and anxious around it that I just stopped. I still don't know what I'm doing but without the anxiety and stress I can at least think somewhat straight.

Lee.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lee,

Another thing I find helpful around any time of sadness is to write about it. I grab pen and paper and write until there are no thoughts left. It helps to let go of all the emotions and thoughts you have and to consider why I feel this way.

This usually produces tears, they are healing. Then I try to find some activity that will bring me some peace , or maybe an inactivity, like just sitting and doing nothing for a while.

We can have huge expectations around Christmas.

My sister has just sent out a family email asking what we are doing about presents this year. The thought of Christmas sends me into a panic attack sometimes!

I need to grab a pen and paper myself I think! I need to accept I struggle with Christmas and work out how I am going to manage this year.

Sending you and all who struggle with Christmas some inner peace.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_9043]

Hi Dools.

I agree writing is a good tool. I do sometimes. At this point I don't want to feel, think, work things out or write. I don't feel ready. This week hit me hard, really damn hard. It was the final last extremely hard and painful thing I needed to action. Cutting contact with my mother. My heart is shattered, I'm deeply sad and I am grieving.

When I'm ready to pick up a pen I will.

I'm done with Christmas Dools. Truly done.

On a good news note a friend of mine is flying to where I live from Perth and we are going camping for a whole week! She has no one for Christmas either and we both love camping and the outdoors. I got my Christmas wish. To have a happy Christmas and I will. We have both discussed that it is not Christmas for us, we are not engaging in Christmas Festivities or anything to do with Christmas. We are just going to have a great time. I'm so happy. One load off my plate.

I hope that somehow you find your inner peace this season.

Lee.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lee,

Hope you have an excellent time camping! That sounds like a wonderful idea. I used to like camping, now my aching body enjoys a few more comforts than a tent and an air mattress with a hole in it! Ha. Ha.

One time I went camping, I forget the tent pegs and poles. I used some wool for my craft project, sticks and rocks to hold the tent in place.

I'm not thinking too much about Christmas, as it is doing my head in a little when I do. I guess part of it is other people's expectations around Christmas as well.

I like your idea of camping!

I'm sure I will sort of get organised some time! As long as I stay out of hospital this year leading up to Christmas I will be happy!

Cheers to you from Dools