what are some long-term self-care strats?

[moody-_ahhhhh]

taking breaks and ambient noise doesn't seem to cut it anymore, i need something else because i still feel so moody even with my unproductive hobbies (videos games and youtube)

[moody-_ahhhhh]

waiting for uni results is sad, especially with parents asking about them too. why cant i just be immune to failing subject :,(:

[sbella02]

Hey moody-_ahhhhh,

Thank you for posting here, welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that you've been having some anxiety around getting your uni results back, which seems to be made worse by others' expectations of you, too. It is a nerve-wracking time - I'm currently in uni and I always dread that moment that my results appear in my email inbox. There's always that sneaking feeling that you haven't done as well as you thought.

I failed an assignment the other week. It made me feel really upset after putting in all that hard work, and knocked my confidence a fair bit. Considering the prospect of failure is something I do think about often, this seemed to be a confirmation of everything I had hoped wouldn't happen, which felt really awful. 

Many people fail assignments and subjects. Sometimes there are assignments that we find really difficult, or sometimes it just wasn't our week where life happened and we produced a piece of work that we weren't entirely happy with as a result. As much as it sucks, it can be a fairly normal part of the learning process.

With my assignment that I failed, they gave me the opportunity to resubmit, so I asked my teacher extensively about where I had gone wrong so I could improve for the resubmission. They helped draw my attention to a lot of things that I had missed the mark on, and gave me some direction for making improvements. I passed with the resubmission, thanks to her support and my own determination for doing well.

Where it knocked my confidence, it did also teach me a really valuable lesson - as long as nobody's in danger, it is okay to fail things here and there. In the learning process especially (uni), we learn more from our failures than we do from our successes, as it teaches us what to look out for next time. If we're doing really well every time, as good as that is, it doesn't really show us where we can improve. It can often help to see where you need the most help so that you know where to direct your attention for next time.

As optimistic as this all sounds, the point is that even if you don't do as well as you thought, that's okay. It may take you through a rollercoaster of emotions initially, but there are ways to move past it and learn from it so that we're a stronger performer in the future. Reflecting on what doesn't go so well makes us stronger and ironically more competitive in the job market, as we are more attune to where we can improve. That's a skill that employers tend to value. 

I wish you the best of luck with your results, and I hope this can offer you some hope that it'll be okay regardless of the outcome. Feel free to chat some more if you'd like, we're here to support you. 

All the best, SB

[moody-_ahhhhh]

i like ur insight unfortunately my uni doesnt give the option to resubmit if u fil :,(, the idea of reflection is inspiring another concern is not wanting to pay for a subject again

[moody-_ahhhhh]

im actually so confused on how to do either, i feel ive outgrown what i used to do or dont have many opportunities to volunteer tis unfortunate

[Croix]

Dear  Moody-_ahhhhh~

You have posed a number of questions in your recent posts, and have had some replies, one in particular from Sbella02 is extremely sensible and understanding.

Rather than address the lot I'll stick to just one thing, how to distract yourself from stress - something you need when waiting on results. This is what I do myself.

It comes in two parts, the first being to list those things you have enjoyed or have distracted you in the past. This can be quite difficult to remember, so enlisting the help of another might be good.

When stressed or anxious I've no pacience for these things, they seem no help.

The other part is to use a free smartphone app to calm your mood and break the chain of anxious thoughts. I use Smiling Mind, which has umpteen exercises for every level -even mine:) - and concentrates you mind on somethng outside your life, be it a leaf in a stream or some other thing.  It takes practice but becomes surprisingly effective, leaving you in a calmer state.

This is the point at which you reach for one of those things that has helped in the  past, you'll find you can now concentrate on them

The things can be anything that suits you, a chapter in a favorite book, playing music (be specific and set out title and singer) , going for a walk, maybe to a coffee shop, talking with a friend who might amuse you , a particular TV show and lots more.

What do you think, can you give it a go?

Croix

[moody-_ahhhhh]

sorry been off but uni results are in i got pre much what i expected, phew one thing to stop stressing about

[Croix]

Dear Dear Moody-_ahhhhh~

Having one thing less to worry about is excellent, I"m glad for you.

I hope the results you got were OK and you can do as you would like

Croix

[moody-_ahhhhh]

yeah they were decent, next thing trying to get into a club committee, moreso trying to nail interviews

[sbella02]

Moody-_ahhhhh,

Glad to hear that you're no longer stressing about your uni results, that's one thing off the plate - how do you feel now that a little time has passed?

I've just read through your previous replies on this thread, and I want to express my condolences for what you've been going through. I wish you the best of luck with your ill family member, what a challenging situation to be dealing with in conjunction with the stresses of uni. If you're feeling like it's getting too overwhelming and you'd feel comfortable chatting to a professional about it, you can always have a conversation with a GP to discuss your options, if this is feasible. There are also resources such as Lifeline (you can reach them on 13 11 14) and our Beyond Blue 24/7 chat function if you need to speak with somebody immediately.

It sounds to me like academic achievement is fairly important to you. I'm the same. I enjoy achieving things in uni, and I get upset when I don't meet my own expectations. This is where self-care can be really important, because it helps to ground you and keep you focused when this pressure starts to build.

In saying this, I realise that I did not respond to your question about self-care activities, so I suppose now is a good time to mention a few that I know of that can be quite easy to do from the comfort of your own home that do not involve screens (if you're trying to do a few things that do not involve screens). 

I would also like to argue that self-care is productive, as it helps put you in the best headspace to deal with stressful situations in both your personal and professional lives. It may not always feel that way in the short-term, but it does pay off if you're doing it fairly regularly:

• Taking a lovely relaxing bath - you can run it while you do other things, then hop in when you're ready and just disconnect for a bit.
• Doodling can be quite good - this also allows you to disconnect and doesn't really require any preparation. At minimum, only a pen and paper are needed.
• In the same vein as doodling, journaling is also my pick for self-care - even if you're only writing a few sentences, it can help you to make sense of what you're feeling. 
• Meditating - this can also be really simple, as simple as keeping your devices in a separate room, sitting down on a couch or your bed, closing your eyes, and letting your mind drift to a comfortable place for a little while. 
• Giving yourself little goals to achieve per day - I'm unsure whether this is fully classed as "self-care", but I personally would consider it a form of self-care for me, as it helps me to feel a sense of accomplishment. I enjoy writing, so a goal for me could be to write a paragraph of one of my stories one day. Or, to write some song lyrics, or practice piano. These small goals can be really meaningful if you're looking for ways to feel fulfilled, or to feel like you're still achieving things every day, especially if uni assessments don't pan out the way you hoped they would, or if you're still waiting for your results.

If you're finding it challenging to disconnect from the screens, there are ways to ease off them, or even include them in your self-care. ASMR uses YouTube, but I would still consider that self-care. You can also listen to that in the background of other things, which is handy.

I hope this advice helps, please feel free to keep chatting with us.

Take care, SB

[moody-_ahhhhh]

hiiiiiiiiii does anyone have any tips to stop comparing myself to others, thanks