Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

[white knight]

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Tony, that sounds a bit like defusion techniques in acceptance and commitment therapy, where you give your triggering thought a name.  In your council example, you were able to give all your negative feelings a story name, the "lust for power" story if you like.  It was enough to take all of the - pardon the pun - power out of those feelings and for you to re-evaluate that situation. It wasn't personal, it wasn't about you, it was about the mayor's selfish and destructive behaviour.

Sometimes quotes can help, I think, but it's bit like the leading the horse to water, I think you have to discover them for yourself. If you don't connect with it, and try to force yourself to believe it - particularly some of those deliberately upbeat hearts and flowers ones - then it won't work and you'll end up more frustrated that you can't shift your thinking.

I think you can go a long way to defusing feelings like this simply by recognising that you have triggers in the first place, and be able to call them out. That can help you step back, and recognise it as a reflex, like that old test when your doctor hits your knee with a hammer to make your leg move.  It's just a mechanism in your brain, nerves firing, impulses going.

[white knight]

Hi JessF,

Oh, I think you are so right.

We can identify our reflexes, our automatic responses and remember them as a positive means of recovery.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Im convinced that everyone that does not have bipolar do not understand/relate, to triggers that bipolar people endure.

I suppose its like several islands of mental illness.

We can have empathy but that doesnt mean others also understand. I suppose thats progress of sorts

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Tony

As usual you are spot on

I empathise with BiPolar sufferers as the 'label' does get bandied around a lot from some health professionals and many people that dont have this illness wouldnt be aware of the true nature and symptoms of this awful illness

Just learning here...very slowly and carefully

Paul

[white knight]

Thankyou Paul.

Unfortunately you are the only reply and it is a hard time for me at the moment. People can say "I'm worried/concerned about you" then they are gone. They don't follow up,. Its only words. Well action speaks louder.

I wrote a thread about "Men isolated" I think in my world women support each other and men, well, what support do they need?, they are strong and robust. They can take on the world. Females can share their ups and downs. Men find It hard. I mean I'm a giver, someone that tries to help others that are down and it isn't reciprocated. Women can support each other, chat away hourly including here on their own threads but we are as I explained in that thread- alone.

Thanks again Paul. Being a "giver" though has its pitfalls.

Tony WK

[Just Sara]

Hi Tony;

I was just triggered on another thread. I took it in my stride and am still here to tell the story. That's progress...

I'm sorry you feel the way you do about support. I don't know much about bipolar as it's a disorder that's very confusing.

I'd like to know more about the gender aspect you've mentioned. I do care about you Tony; please know this. I'm just not sure what you need as a man from me. How do you feel about creating your own (journal style) thread?

Thankyou for yet another thought provoking discussion.

Sincerely;

Sez

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony,

I woke up and am having a cup of tea and just read your post....I am not sure if I can be of any help to you, as you are usually helping me...but I do care a lot about you and I am here if you need to talk. BP2 triggers I can relate to quite easily to, but still do not know how to cope with them.

You are struggling Tony that saddens me a lot, you are another here who has a heart of Gold, and is also vulnerable to downers yet your always ready to give out helpful advice and support, it's time for you to try to relax and take in some love and care from me/others, which you give so freely to others and you so much deserve.

I am in a downer atm, but am still okay so far, I help more when I'm down, I seem to understand people more when I'm struggling, I can feel their pain more, I felt your pain on my thread as well as this thread.

Tony always remember that you are a special person no actually you are an amazing person, your insight and suggestions to others are always spot on, I seek out your posts and read them when I can because of your way of speaking to people and your support and suggestions to them. They help me as well as a lot of others..

You do fantastic work here with not much or sometimes no recognition/ praise at all. I want to tell you, without you watching over me and caring for me from the time I entered this great BB family, I would not know where I would be today. you are a massive part of my life now for 8 months and I hope you continue to do so, when you feel the need to.( no pressure here just saying). No words can /will ever express just how grateful I am to you. Thank you Tony from really deep in my heart/soul.

Now Tony if I can I would like to return to you some support/help. you mean a lot to me Tony and that's the truth.. My advice probably no where up to your standards but sometimes all we need to do is talk, sometimes words may help you,I hope mine will, words can be a powerful tool even when just talking to someone.

Tony please know that I care very deeply for you and have grown to love and respect you a great deal..and want to be here for you..Maybe as Sez has said start up your own thread as both a journal and support. I definitely will be a regular visitor to you, as I am sure a lot of others will be..Tony it's time to look after you first now..you are very important and special person here and you are loved/liked by a lot of people, me included.

Please be gentle and kind to yourself and know I care

Love,

Karen.

[white knight]

Hi Karen and Sez

Well, thankyou for your words and care. It feels good.

I think yesterday was the worst day and today a little improvement especially since adding to the "men isolated" thread. It got a lot out of my system and it gave me purpose.

I would like to demolish any thought from anyone that men are...well...knights in shining armour. There is nothing more upsetting for me to willingly offer support to members and rarely get anything in return. As a friend today said "You do project a figure or resilience wisdom and strength, which I guess works against you some ways." ...well that is true but IMO people should have some insight that men display such resilience but if this is what women perceive as being "he's ok" then we have a problem, a big one.

So, how big? Am I suicidal? I don't know. Not if I keep improving like I did today. . What I do know is that I've been here before many times, roughly once a year the walls of WK castle fall down and I'm frantically trying to rebuild them before anyone sees my feelings exposed.

Some people cant help at all for one of a number of reasons- they don't know how, it isn't in their makeup, they are too busy posting in their own threads hourly to be distracted by my needs, they think I'm strong. I often feel for the young men in our world of which I was one, in that they are alone and young. I survived my youth and at 62yo I made it. I'm lucky but still hurting from solitude with my problems.

My wife is amazing, funny, lovable and caring most times. When she isn't she is hurting from her own depression. We both cant work, I retired 5 years ago. So really my home life is fine. I just get disillusioned. I help others and they (70% women on this forum) mainly congregate amongst themselves.

I ask you all to read the thread "Men Isolated". No obligation as usual to post there but of all of the 250 special threads I've posted in trying to help others this one is my greatest quest...why? Because it WILL save mens lives and in the process will get men the support they need from other men and women.

Thankyou.

[Just Sara]

What a heartfelt post Tony; thankyou..

I don't think I've read anything similar from you. It's confronting but also expressive of deep struggle from a wounded man. I hear you loud and clear..

The feelings of isolation you describe as a man on this forum hits home. I suppose I don't see gender perse'; I see 'people'. Thankyou for saying this as it brings to light a very personal and individual perspective from you; Tony the man.

I'll visit the thread you mentioned and give this more thought ok. Please know I'd say or do anything to support your well-being and ongoing health. Giving back is definitely important, not just to say thankyou, but to acknowledge you as a member in your own right.

You deserve compassion and support just as we all do, it's a given. So I'll apologise for my lack of insight and attention. I'm truly sorry...you deserve better from me.

Take care and please ask for help when you need it...anytime ok.

Sincerely;

Sez xo