*Trigger warning* Eating for Health and Wellness

[Guest_1055]

I have been struggling eating and eating healthy foods over the last couple of weeks. I really do not want to go back further to how I use to eat, that is eating junk food, takeaways, copious amounts of chocolate, processed junk and comfort eating.

Finding it challenging to stay motivated to actually prepare what I know helps me feel better mentally, emotionally and physically. Plus I have been feeling overwhelmed with other stuff happening in my life, which somehow makes it more challenging. The old unhealthy comfort eating thing is coming back. And I think I am getting concerned and scared about that. I so much do not want to go back to how I use to be. I was so sick. Plus I now have some physical things not right in my body , so I need to be more careful and mindful of what I eat. ( Pre cancer cells , high blood pressure )

I was eating really well since Febuary of this year, it’s just the last couple of weeks I haven’t.

So I would like to use this thread to help me be accountable to Beyond Blue people. So like a diary where I can post and report what I eat. And also any healthy eating tips, motivating strategies to help eat better or anything related to healthy eating for our bodies including our mental health.

[Guest_1055]

Hi, it has been a long while since I posted in here. It is a challenge to because I can no longer write what I used to write. That was helping me back then by writing a diary of foods I ate in a day.

Currently I pretty much eating how I used too. Mostly junk food. I just don't seem to care any more. 

I have noticed a decline in mental and my emotional health as well as putting on tons of weight. All the junk food and hardly any fresh vegetables and fruit is wreaking me. My head is very foggy. I am absolutely exhausted,with no feeling of energy. No get up and go. Motivation feels not there. I know eating the proper nourishing foods make me feel better. Thoughts of ending my life have increased...I don't even think straight. Nor feel much hope. Feel cut of from reality. Feel irritable and sleepy most of the time. I know what to do to help myself, but I don't have whatever it is to carry it out. Crap food makes me feel like crap. Simple truth for me personally. But now I am stuck, a slave to crap food. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Guest_1055,

Thanks for sharing an update. We're sorry to hear you've been seeing a decline in your mental and emotional health, and feeling like you don't care. We're really grateful you could share this with your friends here.

We hope you don't mind us popping into your thread, we just wanted to reach out as we can hear you've had some thoughts about ending your life. It sounds like it would be a really good time to update the GP on how you’re going. If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you're not sure who to talk to, the counsellors at the Beyond Blue Support Service are always here for you on 1300 22 4636, or online.

We’d also recommend having a look at the Beyond Blue safety planning app, Beyond Now. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and compete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.

Maybe you'd prefer to share a little more here on your thread? You've created such a rich conversation here, we're sure your friends here and the Forums community would love to share thier thoughts and understanding once someone spots your post. 

Thanks again for sharing what's going on for you, Guest. We can hear it's a difficult time and we think it's such a powerful action to be open and talk about what you're dealing with. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou Sophie, I am indeed safe. Just doing a reflection I guess on the impact consuming crap food has on me. Physical,mental, emotions and spiritual health seems to be all affected by it.

I know what makes me feel so much better, eating crap food doesn't among other things. It seems to make it all worse. All the sugar, fast food, processed junk etc affects my being in a negative and destruction way. Whether my body is sensitive to all the junk I eat. Addiction to the sugar. So yeah. I am stuck ..It's a challenge to look up and take care of myself because of all this. Got to find a reason too as well. 

• I was free of all that for a good while and felt so much better in every simply eating fresh vegetables, fruits ,nuts and no processed anything. 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Shell,

Oh lass you do sound so very low... I wish I had some solutions to offer... if it's ok I want to give you a big comforting hug & Woofa sends you some gentle friendly nose bops...

Paws

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou paws, thankyou for giving me your time by replying. Just knowing someone was reading my words helps me feel not so alone. 

And you are right, I do feel quite low. So very sick of striving, I cannot do it. Hope you are doing ok yourself 

[Guest_1055]

So far today I have drunk an iced chocolate. I put in raw cocoa powder, vanilla, maple syrup ( though not as much). Just mixed that in with a tiny bit of hot water to help it mix in. Then added ice cubes, coconut water and soy milk. This is the second time I have made it with the coconut water. I feel a bit more refreshed from it. Electrolytes in the coconut water I am thinking. And helps with dehydration I think too. 

Still feel rather flat. Just got to pick myself up again. Though feeling very weary of it all. And a give up feeling is here. And a I can't do this thoughts. And what's the point thing happening too.

[Guest_1055]

Just read the first post I wrote on here. How I am living just like that now.

I ate an incredible amount of chocolate over Easter. Too embarrassed to say how much. Yesterday I ate a whole box of Maltesers about 400 grams. Why do I keep abusing my body this way. Why does it appear other people have no issues with food. Addiction to crap food. Anything to self soothe myself. Except it doesn't soothe for very long. I go quickly back to how I use to feel. Plus it's then worse. I don't care about myself, why bother what I eat.

I think well I care about my son. I want him to live a healthy, free of disease fit life. As well as a joyous, content, know that his loved and to give love out to others. Why? Because I love him. But why can't I love myself enough to do that for me. Why can't I mother myself? It brings tears to my eyes. I know my son is precious and valuable. Why don't I know it about myself? Why do I continue to feed myself garbage ? What's wrong with me?