Toxic people- who are they?

[white knight]

So maybe you’ve been diagnosed with a mental disorder and have commenced medication and therapy. There is a case for self help as well- a tree/sea change, career change, move away from food handling or shift work and worked on your relaxation and sleep. What about the people in your life? What is classified as a toxic person?

It is very subjective, ask a thousand people all will have a different description. But there is some common trends-

• Someone that emotional intends to hurt you
• that is disloyal
• is ambitious at work to the disadvantage of work colleagues
• is not empathetic
• hurts your friends in a manner that you feel at risk also
• manipulates
• is narcissistic
• uses you as an information source only
• has ulterior motives
• is money driven eg inheritance
• forces their views onto you eg religion

You get the idea. What is most important here is what YOUR tolerance level is, not what other people believe what yours should be. If you adopt your friends moral compass then you’ve dropped yours. This is different to a friend discussing a matter and expressing what they would do in your situation to a friend telling you that you are foolish for taking your own direction.

Toxic people is those that effect you adversely more often than they make you happy. You might have a gut instinct on a person integrity based on your observations of their treatment of other people eg helping a fellow worker get sacked rather than assisting to remedy their battles with management as a supporter.

The only trap with judging someone toxic is when you judge them too harshly. Often you might not know all the facts.

So be cautious. Many young adults don’t realise when a friend isn’t a positive influence- be ready to act if need be. The weeding out of toxic people from your life can make your friendships less in number but higher in quality.

Google

beyondblue topic the labyrinth of friendships

beyondblue fortress of survival (also part 2)

beyondblue topic depression and toxic people

Finally remember- you might well be toxic from another’s viewpoint and that’s ok.

TonyWK

[ddogmillionaire]

This is a great post TonyWK! When I was in a bad place last year with anxiety and depression, I felt I had lost control of my life. I had to learn to be more assertive and stand up for myself. This made me realise that there were toxic people in my life that harmed my well-being. I learned to say "no" to them and we developed new boundaries for our relationship. Some of these "toxic" people I am still friends with today because they apologised and realised what they were doing. They have changed for the better because I stood up for myself. The common trends you identified are great signals to identify toxic people.

Take care,

[ecomama]

Great topic TonyWK.

It's amazing how some 'toxic' people lose their power in our lives when we put up boundaries. Harder to do with some, like family and or work colleagues. It certainly helps knowing how to recognise a toxic person. The gut instinct is usually spot on there.

When we have to still see these people, then psychological boundaries come into play that I find very hard to do, especially if it's a boss. Thank goodness our toxic boss left. We have a great one now and everybody's stress and tension has reduced by decibels lol. Would you believe that toxic boss actually had a sudden life threatening health event?

Intentionally wielding real or imaginary power over people can certainly backfire at times.
I guess we're all driving our own karma to some point.

EM

[white knight]

Thanks for your replies

My most toxic person in my life was our mother. In denial and never seeking a diagnosis she left a train wreck where ever she went with everyone. She was narcissistic and ruined my first wedding. She had a nephew and grand daughter that she openly called them her “favourites “ to hurt us. She threatened a thousand times we’d be cut out of her will. Why? Because we didn’t conform to her ownership of us.

A friend told me to google

witch queen hermit waif

thete I read the four characters of our mother.

We removed her from our lives 10 years ago. It had to be done to stop the instability. The hurt, the mental anguish.

No looking back.

With such people you have to protect yourself, not allow yourself to be used as a punching bag.

It is different if your boss has toxicity. Playing favourites, poor communication skills and a need to dominate instead of effective communication is common.

Some workplaces is toxic.

TonyWK