Tolerating people

[white knight]

It is kind of selfish that subject heading but we do often worry about others tolerating us.

If you guys ever want to avoid people then drive a bland car, dont take a dog with you and cross the street when others approach. Seriously, I dont do any of that, I drive an attractive vintage car and we tow our unique and also attractive homemade caravan. This, when on holidays means bees to honey. So whats my problem?

Small talk. I dont drive our rig to get attention, we drive it because we love driving it and staying in our van. So trying to relax for an afternoon nap is nye impossible. Knock knock. Same questions..."Is it an MG"? "What engine's in it...does it tow alright?...a mate of mine has a....well I forget what it is but. .."

So, Ive tried parking/camping in the most away position, put a car cover on but the shape you cant hide. Every second visitor rambles on for 20-45 minutes...same questions, same answers.

I accept my bipolar tolerance/moods is the problem, no running away from that. But Ive run out of ideas and being an ideas man that doesnt sit right.

Its also the case with meeting anyone that talks small talk. If a fellow talks engineering with engines or say aircraft development I'm glued with interest as I find it stimulating...I like learning. If however a he is talking about his grandchilds birthday party how he couldnt blow out all the candles...I'm itching to run away.

My dear wife isnt a social creature preferring our own quiet company so its not like I've got her as a distraction for these chatterboxes.

So self aware of this problem I have, when I approach someone about there own car or motorhome I only do so to ask specific questions and limit them to say 5-10 minutes. But that's the considerate Tony and that doesnt mean I'm better or more correct than others.

Finally, some people use a talking point to actually tell you their life story. The last thing I'd do is be rude however, so I just fume inside.

I just cant tolerate small talk for longer than a minute or two. Anyone else feel the same?. What do you do about it? I feel its a case of "been there done that". In my 61 years Ive jammed in 90 jobs and 15 professions. Etc etc

Tony WK

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Quirky,

It's easy to forget sometimes, that other people might be suffering in their own silence.

About 2 weeks ago I had a great day at work and was full of life. On the walk home I saw a homeless man that I used to chat to regularly but I hadn't seen him for a long time. (I worry when they disappear because it usually means something has happened to them) He was going through a garbage bin outside a supermarket and I was just feeling so good and was so excited to see him that I yelled out "Hey, what are you doing?" The poor guy spun round with his hands up saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

I didn't think for a minute that I'd scare him. He thought the supermarket manager had caught him and was scared they'd call the police. I felt so bad. It never occurred to me that someone would call the police because a homeless person was going through the bin.

When he realised it was me he was ok but obviously still shaken. I asked him if he was hungry but he said no, he was just looking for smokes. I felt so bad that I bought him a packet.

He is quite old, doesn't drink or do drugs or anything, he's just been fighting a battle that he isn't winning. If people would talk to him, engage in small talk, even just say 'hi' they'd realise he's a really nice guy who is full of knowledge.

SM

[white knight]

Great replies ladies

[CMF]

Hi  Let's bring this thread back.

Until recently I had a group at work that we cliquey, rude, obnoxious & acted like they were better than everyone else, didn't lift a finger to help anyone & acted like they ran the place. We all tolerated them but now they're gone I realise how toxic they were. 

My partner's sister lives with him & his kids. She's a nice person but at 6ft 3 is overbearing in every way. She gives us no space,  interrupts out conversation,  listens & interjects  & controls them all. 5 years of this & I'm sick of it. He knows but can't do anything about it but apparently "she'll move out soon" . So I have to tolerate her until it changes. 

At 53 I have a low tolerance for people. People at work who can't think for themselves & need to be spoon-fed. Those who can't follow process & do their jobs correctly. People who have to drive up close in 40/50 zones cos I'm following the speed limit. The need to make chit chat & socialise with people I have nothing in common with.

I have no tolerance anymore.

Cmf

[white knight]

Hi CMF, its been a long time

The situation with your partner I could not tolerate. I often wonder how people can put at risk a relationship if they dont out that relationship as their top priority.

In terms of your partner sister - I worte an article about "wit".

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/wit-the-only-answer-for-torment/m-p/71444/highlight...

So, fewer words more impact. Ask questions to put them in a defence mode and wait until the guilt is written on their faces.

Interjecting- "I'm asking Peter, do you mind"? or if feeling sarcastic- "if I wanted my mother in law here I'd bring her along". No, thats nasty, you get my meaning, but these people are hard to keep a distance from. Maybe asking your partner to actually help her get a place of her own?

I'm terrible for tolerating small talk. I've observed people chat away talking so slowly about the last train that came through town or where the wind is coming from. I've got too many things to accomplish than to drool over how fast the grass is growing.

People irritate me far less now- as I'm in a regional town of 3000 people, no traffic lights but has a hospital and 2 supermarkets. Just the right size.

Workplace is on an entirely higher level of toxicity. Also clubs, was in a motorbike club and car club once. The car club, unless you owned the premier model you were a mere beggar and in the motorbike club ran by a narcissist you were manipulated like a toy.

No, it isnt you CMF. We dont tolerate fools likely.

TonyWK 

[CMF]

Hi Tony,

Yea, has been a long time. I will look at your other post. I had to laugh at your suggestion re the mother in law. His mother is adorable & very mindful of giving us time alone & not interfering...unlike his sis. Sis has a place of her own. She helped him financially after his divorce so rented place out & moved in as the new wife & mother as I like to put it lol.

She won't be moving anywhere till it's with her boyfriend. Hopefully by next year 

Take care Tony. Always love chatting with you.

Cmf