The sound of the rain doesn't last long enough

[lilly2016]

I love the smell and sound of the rain as it falls onto the trees outside, it makes me feel protected for a short time. I try and sleep as much as possible so I don't have to think, I dream a lot and sometimes I wish I was stuck in that dream for eternity without the harsh reality of waking up and accepting things how they are and facing my worst fears.Tthe rain creates a blanket of security for me as long as I'm inside. When the sun is shining it makes no difference in my world, i wish it did. Having no interest in anything is debilitating you have no real discussions no enthusiasm and you come across incredibly boring, which is in my case.Everyday tasks take an effort and my body is tired as as is my mind. I need more hours in the day so I can dwell on the things that are causing this crippling pain so I can somehow come to a solution.

[Croix]

Dear Lilly~

Thank you for showing you appreciation, it helps.

I notice you said "something is holding me back from my true potential". You are quite right, it is illness and that puts a damper on everything. Wading though deep mud rather than running on the firm sand.

It gets better, and yes happiness, accomplishment, ability all reappear. I'm miles better than I've been and give happiness to my family as well as receive it.

Therapy and maybe meds is not instant, but just doing it does provide hope. I've had ups and downs, but each up has reminded me what life should be like.

Can you say if you plan on keeping that referral to the psychologist? I can understand someone being in two minds.

Croix

[lilly2016]

Hi Croix,

I appreciate people giving their valuable time to help others especially when they too have similar problems, by listening to someone it can make someone feel like they have a voice, it's someone to share their struggles with and reach out too, someone that actually understands their battle. There are plenty of times people with problems try to reach out to someone only to be ignored, even ridiculed, I've had this problem in the past, just recently actually and it hurts, it makes you feel insignificant. I'm of the opinion some people don't want to get involved for all different reasons, they might not want to be seen helping someone out that's unwell due to their current status, they simply don't care or its not their problem or they don't know how to help.

I read through the posts and I would really like to help others but unfortunately I cannot at the moment and it's not because I don't want to help, it's because you need the skills and ability to be able to say the right thing at the right time, to be able to blend the right words together to make sense in certain situations, I empathise with all but at the moment my heads not in the right place, that's why we are fortunate enough to have people like you! I think you are very fortunate to have a supportive family it makes a huge difference. I've read all the personal posts about the Community Champions, their stories, struggles and how they came to be here. I think making a difference helps someone inside you know.

My social circles are very limited as I have social anxiety as well, I do try to make friends but they don't seem to take too much of a interest in me, sometimes that can be hurtful other times I don't care, but to be accepted really means alot to people and to be rejected really puts a damper on life, I understand this. There's a lot of I'm better than you, there's alot of quick kick em whilst their down, bullying, judgement on others, people actually cause people pain for their own personal gain, I think these things become so overwhelming at times, but there are a lot of good things still in the world as well which I hope to focus on more, which makes me feel selfish for some reason.

Some people have problems accepting people as they are, it's like they have a checklist for how someone should act/react and be and yes, of course there are standards.

[Croix]

Dear Lilly~

Please don't feel you have to 'help' others here when you are struggling. It puts a sense of obligation and pressure on you that you simply do not need.

You are right, some have better ways of stringing words together, and some are in a better place and that can make it easier, saying what has happened to them in the past rather than describing what is happening now - so don't worry at all.

Actually the vast majority or people here never post, just read. They gain encouragement, knowledge and hope from seeing other's experiences and how things can improve. All without being personally posted to.

Unfortunately there are many who do not respond well in hte outside world if told of problems like yours and mine. And you are right there are varied reasons for this, though not all are through a lack of care. Fear of saying the wrong thing, or feelings of helplessness discourage many.

At least here you are understood, and only have to explain a little, as many here have felt the same and so quickly relate.

If I can be lucky in finding people in my life to support me then maybe others can too, I hope so

Croix

[Rishie]

Hi Lilly,
I've encountered this as well, where people have their idea of what "normal" is and if I don't fit that pattern then they don't know how to deal with me. It has happened in my family, but I am blessed to have a couple of wonderful friends who also have mental health issues and so we understand each other. I hope you will be able to find a friend like that, who will support you and you support them. At least, here on the forums, people are more accepting and understanding because they are going through similar things.
I am glad you will be getting help, we all need that sometimes. We like to think that we can handle things on our own, but there are times when we just can't and we need a helping hand.
I hope things will start to get a little better for you.

[lilly2016]

Thankyou Rishie,

I haven't encountered anyone with similar problems, so it's hard for me, right now I am fearful of everything, I am not sure what's driving this fear within me but I've prayed so hard for it to disappear but it hasn't, I have to go back to the doctors today and I'm not sure I can due to this fear. I really appreciate the people here who have similar problems though, it helps. I just don't know what to do anymore, but thanku so much for replying.

[lilly2016]

Hi Croix,

I just have a question, wondering if you know anything about this, since I've started going to a doctor and been prescribed antidepresants and referred to a phycologist, how do I get a diagnosis/prognosis? Now. Thanks

[Croix]

Dear Lilly

A GP plus a psychologist should be able to give you a diagnosis, depending upon the mix of symptoms and other factors they may or many not be reluctant to do so. It is not always as clear-cut as one might like. This does not mean there is no illness, just it might be hard to fit into a particular label.

A prognosis is a different thing, people are so different in how they react . All I can suggest is you talk to your medical team and see what they say

I think you might have been to the doctors yesterday, may I ask how you go on?

Croix

[lilly2016]

Hi Croix, I was due for an appointment with the doctor but I didn't go unfortunately. I am going though tomorrow, I've made an appointment. I'm not doing to well. I feel strange.

[IsaJett]

Hi lily

i was wondering if you know that you can get a free app for your phone ...to hear or listen to rainwater ...it’s the best app ever ..just search up on your phone ..they r mostly free..you can combine the different sound ..waterfall ...zen music . I use it when I sleep ..they are amazing

you can also try Jason Stephenson meditation video ..look him up on YouTube ..he’s also free ...and he has saved me many times ...please try it in the interim until u get to doctor

I promise u it’s worth to give it a go ...let me know how u go ..hope to hear from you soon .

[Croix]

Dear Lilly

I hope you can get there tomorrow, I'll send you positive vibes:) I Una remember making up reasons to put off going. When I got there it was not so bad, mind you I had written things down first and handed over the paper, it made things a lot easier.

IsaJett's idea of a free phone app is excellent. I had to change phones recently and forget what I had. It did rain, jungle, sea and others. The only problem I had was in bed where the earbuds or earphones were awkward.

Croix