The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

[quirkywords]

Yes you read the title correctly,

How do we mind less ,

How do we learn not to worry over every thing,

How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive.

I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and

how to not mind about what other people think.

Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea.

Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger.

I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel.

I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle.

Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking.

I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not.

Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I think Jess is right about the small stuff. We need to think about the result of what has happened & dicide is it important. For example when my kids were little & my husband brought them in to see me in hospital they looked like they were dressed from the ragbag in mismatched old clothes. I was embarrassed as everyone else was nicely dressed. I had to remind myself that it didn't matter. My kids were healthy & well fed & I probably would meet up with anyone from the hospital again so it didn't really matter. Similarly if something is spilt it can be cleaned up quickly so it doesn't matter.

On the other hand some things do matter Perhaps we need to determine what we can do to influence them rather than worrying about everything. For example there are some things which are important politically so I need to be informed so I can vote for the party with the policies which I believe in. I can't guarantee how others will vote but at least I've used my vote to influence the situation for good.

The other thing we can do is put things into perspective. For example we hear of terrible crimes on the news. We acknowledge they are bad but then remind ourselves that we do live in a society with a reasonable police force & justice system so thee crimes are the exception. Of course there is room for improvement but remember the good as well.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Elizabeth thanks for your posts which are always well thought out.

I agree with getting things into perspective and seeing the big picture but many of us here will always be people who care and empathisewith others.

One thing I still struggle with is getting stuck on one thought and the more I try to work through the feelings and move on, the more I stand still.

i am usually ok but sometimes something unrelated can remind me of that thought from the past and I am stuck again.

Any ideas?

Quirky

[Zonnekp]

Hi Jess334,

I've also tried not listening to stop watching/reading the news, but I find that I feel "left out of the loop". For me, it is better to know what going on around me. And the daily news makes for great dinner conversation.

ZonnekP

[quirkywords]

Zonnekp

Thanks for your post. I think there is a fine line between not watching nay news and burying one’s head in the sand. I think we do what we can as individuals to cope with being bombarded with negative news.

i think we take in as much news as we can cope with.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Wow it is nearly 4 years since I wrote and a lot has happened I. My life.

I flung the big changes thst happened I just sort of coped with but nearly 3 years after the fires I seem to worry and get upset over the simplest comment. I have become  worried over little things. I can rationally say that when a close relative shooshes me that  she wants baby to sleep yet I get upset as the relative was talking louder than I was.

i need to mind less and have a thicker  skin. I am a work in progress.  

[ecomama]

What an interesting thread topic quirky! 

I saw in your original post that you were doing mindfulness, meditation. 
Dr Joe says there's no such thing as a "bad meditation" and that all people feel that it's not working until they persist and persist and then "AHhhh I feel the difference now". 

Once we learn how to BE in the moment, the past doesn't bother us, because we're in the moment. 
Then we can expand this zone to our every day moments. 
We can feel FREE of the past.  

If we ARE worrying then that's the past. 
We are falling into our "default mode" of thinking. Mainly because we're not observing our thoughts and changing them instantly. 

And I care only what SOME people think. We don't have to care what everybody thinks at all. 
They don't have the credibility to make that call about us. 

I seldom take on ALL of what even those closest to me think either. SO MANY people have tried telling me what to do! LOL! I laugh because it's usually those people who don't manage their own lives well, so why would I take what they say on for myself? 
Answer is I don't. 
I don't ask for advice unless it's mechanical or renovations related mostly lol. 

I totally agree I'm a work in progress too! I call it "life"! lol. 

Brene Brown has tons of information about relationships. Worth a look! 

Love EM

[quirkywords]

EM 

Thanks for your post. 
I have read many of Berne Browns book and her TED talks. Her books about belonging and courage to be vulnerable are helpful. 

[CMF]

Hi Quirky & all,

Well the Universe must have directed me here because I have been wondering how I can worry less. My partner does not worry about anything. He is always happy & positive.  Nothing bothers him, he doesn't let people get to him. I'm the exact opposite. 

I haven't quite figured out how to worry less. I'm a BIG work in progress.

Cmf x

[quirkywords]

CMF

Thanks we are works in progress together.

i find people say don’t worry it’s not worth it then they later tell me something that worries them. I feel like my worries are insignificant yet there worries matter. 

Has anyone found that..?

[CMF]

Hi Quirky

Yes, some people don't understand our worries cos it doesn't affect them. My mind is so full at the moment that things that would normally stress me out are not cos i just have no room left to worry. I have so much going on at home & work that I can only take it day by day. No room to worry about for now. Hope I don't have a big freak out later lol.

Cmf x