Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Guest8901]

Dear Quirky,

Sending you belated happy birthday wishes for your 60th birthday yesterday.

Really happy to read that you spend time with your children and their partners, and that you had a day of joy and kindness. You deserve it.

Glad to hear you were able to keep the loud mouthed inner critic at bay too. They are the most pesky of creatures, arent they?

Amanda

[quirkywords]

Thank you everyone for kind remarks.

Do you find when you are centre of attention that your inner critic gets jealous and tries to drag you down, I am aware of this so I can counter attack. I find I get very sensitive on special occasions and get see rejection when there is none.

Can anyone relate?

Quirky

[Guest_4810]

My inner critic is the most quietest when I tell it to be quite.
I see my IC as a very bad puppy who barks all the time. So hence I tell my bad puppy IC 'NO! Bad puppy, stop barking NOW.'
Think of it! If we let our bad puppy take control of the house, then bad puppy will seen realise that bad puppy has rule over the owner.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Townsville bob and thanks for your post.

I like your idea of IC as a bad puppy.

Bad puppies can be tamed if you are patient.

Quirky

[Peppermintbach]

Happy belated birthday, Quirky 🙂

Sending you belated birthday well wishes ❤️

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[quirkywords]

Thanks pepper. Just coming back to earth after a weekend away. So a bit flat today but I knew that and inner critic is being ignored.

I was wondering whether anyone is like me in that I tend to believe critical things people say about me but not positive things.

Is that my inner critic or low self esteem. I mean if I take on the negative I should take on the positive or ignore the negative and the positive. I suppose ideally I would analyse the critical comments, disregard ones that don't apply, and absorb the positive.

What do others thinks? What role does the inner critic play in handling feedback good and bad?

Quirky

[Mellyj]

Hello I am new to all of this this is my first step into trying to understand why I am the way I am ...

i struggle daily with my inner critic I never sleep because I can’t shut up about all of the things I have done that are shameful or embarrassing wondering if everyone thinks I’m a loser or if they hate me it’s truely exhausting

I once was awake for 42 hours because I couldn’t sleep and shut off my brain from telling myself how much I hate myself

I haven’t gone to see my gp about it because I’m hoping it will go away

I was wondering if anyone on here is on medication and if it helps you? I’m desperate to find my happy and desperate to sleep again and desperate to love my life but I am so scared of judgement Id rather struggle and pretend I’m A ok than to get help in fear from people judging me

i have tried mindfulness meditation and positive thinking it works for a little while but it’s just like taking panadol it eventually comes back I’m not even sure if this is the right place to post this ? Still working out this website apologies if this is the wrong place to post

[quirkywords]

Meelyj

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your post. This is a friendly, supportive and nonjudgmental place to seek information and support.

This is the right place to post to ask a specific question. If you decided you want more attention to your needs you may want to start your own thread .

If you read different posts on this thread you will see ideas on how to clam your inner critic.

I think having a talk to your doctor would help.

It is hard trying to tame the inner critic whish is why I started this thread.

Thanks for posting.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

I will accept anyone's critical comment about me, but not accept a positive comment,

My reasons I think is I'm not positive about myself, I am very critical with myself, if I want to do something and it goes wrong, my inner harsh critic tells me so, and doesn't hold back on the harsh words.

On the other end of this scale, I have always seen myself as a disappointment in life. I think before we can genuinely accept positive feedback, we have to like ourselves and who we are.

When I read or hear something someone said positive about me, my first reaction is embarrassment followed by guilt, because I can't see me like that. I think we see other people differently then we see ourselves.

I think our life story/stories are the reason we see ourselves as we do.

If we lived a good or privileged life and have been praised all our lives then I think we can accept positive feedback, but if we live a life of negativity and negative feedback all our lives that's how we see ourself and therefor can't accept positive feedback.

Just my thoughts.

Karen.

[quirkywords]

Karen,

Thanks for your helpful comment. This is a fact not positive feedback.

I do agree our upbringing and our life experiences can affect our ability to accept positive comment but not always.

I had a loving family but I still find it hard to accept positive comments at times without thinking they don't really know me. Even on this forum when people say nice things I think they only see one side. I am aware and I do try to change.

I also believe we all have the ability to change. I think if we keep the inner critic or our old ways of not thinking we deserve the nice comments people make, we will be stuck. You can always see the kindness and strength in others and I see that in you. I know it is painful for and for many on here but that gives me hope we can change. It wont happen overnight but gradually we will believe those positives and leave behind the shackels of out past that has imprisoned us in negativity.

My thoughts . Karen I appreciate your posts as they make me think.

Quirky