Struggling to find direction

[.liv_..]

Hello!

I have been recently finding myself in situations where I am faced with an easy task but then met with the overwhelming feeling of not being able to do it. I have put it down to laziness for ages not but I am starting to think I could be something else?

Currently, my sleep schedule is horrible, I go to bed around 3am and wake up around 11am. During these early hours I have a tendency to spiral. I am fully aware that I do this but I still can’t seem to stop myself from being in this bad sleep schedule.

I dealt with very bad anxiety and ADHD as a child which I presume has gone away as I am no longer medicated but I can still feel myself sometimes verging on panic attacks (which I still remember how to call myself down from them as a child, so I don’t go into a full spiral). 
Other simple tasks like attending online uni lectures is a struggle for much, dispite me recognizing this is a simple task.

I guess, in a roundabout way of saying it, I am struggling to find any motivation to help myself and was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and any helpful tips to fix this. 
Thanks.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi .liv_..

I can relate somewhat to what you write as I almost certainly have ADHD but I’ve never been diagnosed formally. I especially relate to the difficulty in initiating tasks including relatively easy ones. I think this is very common with an ADHD-type brain. A lack of dopamine can certainly make task initiation difficult.

I wonder if engaging a counsellor/psychologist with experience in ADHD may be helpful in building strategies for the sleep schedule and task initiation? I feel the best therapists are often the ones who have had the same kinds of challenges so they know from the inside out ways of overcoming it. When I was at uni there was a free counselling service and I imagine your uni would have the same. Do you think it may be worth talking to them and seeing if there is someone among their counselling staff with experience in this area?

What I am doing myself is doing my best to break tasks down into small components so I am not overwhelmed by the big picture all at once. I tend to see the interconnnectedness of everything which can be paralysing and then I struggle just to begin a single task. But when things are in small fragments and I achieve one of them, I can see it is possible to complete more small fragments, which eventually leads to more being done.

With the sleep schedule, I don’t know if this will help you, but I often put on a podcast when I go to bed on a topic that’s of interest to me. Like others with ADHD I can hyperfocus on something of interest to me even if I’m scattered in other areas. The podcast holds my attention whereas without it I can find myself with spiralling thoughts and it can be hard to settle. There is something about the sound of human voices (if they are friendly sounding ones) that eventually I start to get sleepy, like it is comforting hearing them. And then quite often I fall asleep before the podcast is over or switch it off knowing my brain is going towards sleep now.

I know other people use sleep stories to get to sleep. I think I’m drawn to podcasts because if it’s a topic of special interest to me that gets some dopamine going enough which helps me to sleep along with the comfort of hearing voices chatting, or at least that’s my theory anyway as to how it might work.

Those are just some ideas. I’m not sure if they are helpful. I do think being kind and patient with yourself is important and it’s great to reach out for support as you have done here. I think recognising you have your own particular way that your brain tends to work is also important and it’s finding a way to work with that and support what your natural strengths are, because even with the difficulties you will also have some strengths in there which will be your unique attributes that you can bring to your studies and anything else you embark on. Those strengths might be things like lateral thinking, creativity, being able to envision  possibilities etc. Sometimes with ADHD we just need some support and skills in the grounding and organisational parts of how we actually get things done in daily life.

All the best,

Eagle Ray