Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna, Paws and MK,

Hanna, little Sam is so, so cute! I can see what a beautiful boy he was. I'm sure you're looking forward to the quieter time once the tourists pass through. I imagine it may be starting to get a bit busy here in the main street, especially at places like the bakery that get quite crowded. But having Covid I am lying low at home so I am missing the bustle that builds up around Easter. I love that you are watching all these great concerts from the past. I've seen bits of Woodstock on TV but never the whole thing. It was a phenomenal time.

Paws, the eagle rays here are kind of brownish with blue spots. The spots are not always very clear. So my ray there is a little inaccurate. It does have spots but they're not easy to see on the small avatar. I hope you can get into the doctor very soon and sort out the symptoms. UTIs can be quite unpleasant if that's what it is. Hopefully it can be cleared quickly.

I'll have a look for the ABC article Paws. It sounds very interesting. What I have learned is that healing doesn't occur just by mentally changing a mindset. Rather the whole body through the senses has to experience a change and that is where awe and being absorbed in a feeling sense is what is transformative. I have never been able to relate to CBT. I get its value theoretically but in practice it has been of no use to me. It is our feeling, emotional bodies that are impacted and change under stress, so it is through our feeling, sensing and emotional being that we heal. Simply cognitively restructuring cannot shift anything for me. I am better off going for a walk in nature, doing photography or even just watching photography YouTube videos which takes me into that creative world and starts shifting my nervous system. Patting an animal or spending time with kind, trustworthy humans are also fantastic for shifting the nervous system through co-regulation. For me it is in the doing of an activity that things change and it has to involve feelings of safety for me as well. A safe environment/context will heal. And awe is such a wonderful thing for taking us into our curious selves and out of our troubled selves. The work I've done with Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing method works with this element to create islands of safety where curiosity gives the nervous system a break from trauma and allows it to know there is another reality. That is often the beginning of healing.

The Black Cockatoos are calling close by at the moment. It's quite peaceful. It's another beautiful day but we do need some rain. Last night the bright moonlight was amazing and I spent some time in the backyard before going to bed to soak it up. You can see the plants soaking it up as well. They are so responsive to the moon. That was certainly an awe experience last night in the moonlight.

Take care everyone and have a beautiful day,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER, Paws and all

Is the system throwing you back to the beginning of a thread, ER?  I used to be able to click on settings and go straight to a thread, but now I have to Google the name of the thread, find it, and then scroll down the conversation until I reach today.  

I didn't know your name comes from a sea creature!  How fascinating they must be - are they prolific where you are?  The black cockatoos you mention - are they Gang Gangs or something different?  Years ago when I was living in Canberra I loved the Gang Gangs, they used to hang from the overhead powerlines and swing around screaming with the fun of it all, they were real characters!  I haven't come across them anywhere else since.

I am doing my transfer application today and the amount of paperwork is ridiculous and then I have to get to the library to print some documents off and photocopy stuff.  It's so hot here today it's a summer day - we had a couple of lovely chilly days and now a week or more of summer again, it makes me tired and sleepy.  Puss has been sleeping the day away in his favourite cane basket on top of the pantry. 

I remember the Woodstock 70's era - hippies with long hair, girls with long skirts and lots of beads, the anti-war movement and so on - young people were full of hope back then.  Sadly I think they all ended up getting sensible jobs and buying houses and settling down....  I have a cd recording of Jimi Hendrix playing guitar at Woodstock and it's phenomenal.  

It's such a lazy late summer afternoon here it's hard to be bothered doing anything... it reminds me of the movie The Go-Between with Julie Christie and Alan Bates - it was set in an Indian Summer, everyone languid and lying about because of the unusual warm weather... now that is an absolutely wonderful movie!

Everything around me is so quiet I think everybody is feeling the same and all snoozing somewhere!

[Hanna3]

Thank you for the kind words about little Sam, ER and Paws - yes he was such a sweet dog - a very simple soul - just wanted to be fed and walked and loved - didn't ask for anything more to be happy.  I'm determined to get another doggie eventually, one like that, just simple - a lapdog.  One that enjoys nice walks and some cuddles.  Sam and I had wonderful walks where we used to live and also before that further west in a very cold town where it snowed.  The first time Sam came across a snowman he was terrified - the local kids had put a beanie and scarf on it and a carrot nose - Sam thought it was some kind of monster I think- he slowly went up to it and sniffed it - and then promptly wee'd on it - which was so funny - it's was as if he'd said "Well that's what I think of THAT!"  I still remember watching the snow fall outside - really huge flakes, you could see the amazing patterns of them - and the ground and trees gradually being covered in white all over.  Beautiful!

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Hanna and All,

Paws I hope you’ve managed to get the GP appointment and you’re on your way to getting some helpful treatment. I read the Julia Baird article on awe. It’s really good and I think it’s so important to understand how people endure through difficulty and survive. There is no doubt awe can have the most healing and transformative influence. Even if it doesn’t necessarily solve all our problems it puts things in perspective and gives us a break by captivating our senses. That sense of wonder helps us feel connected to the universe which can be deeply healing.

Hanna, the system is working the same for me as before. But I’ve always had to scroll to the end of a thread the way I do it. I can also get here from notifications where it tells me if you, Paws or someone else has posted here and I click on the notification. It sounds like yours was set up to go straight to the last post. I’m sure there must be a way to reset that. I just looked in Settings and couldn’t figure it out from there but will let you know if I figure it out.

The Black Cockatoos here are the Red-Tailed Black Cockatoos. I love all the cockatoos including the Gang Gangs. We don’t get Gang Gang Cockatoos here but I once met the most delightful pair of Gang Gangs in a wildlife park. They seem to have the most beautiful nature. This pair were very affectionate and seemed so curious and interested in us humans too.

I loved your story about Sam and the snowman ⛄️ Dogs often seem wary of anything that seems like a large creature, such as wheelie bins and lawnmowers. I’d love to visit parts of Australia where there is snow. It seems such a novelty here but wouldn’t be for those who live in highland country. Though I’ve read the snowfalls are less than they used to be. I once saw a photo of a baby wombat riding on its parent’s back in the snow.

It’s another beautiful day here. I would love to be more actively out in it but still likely contagious with a Covid cough so remaining quietly at home. But I have been having a lie down in the sun each late afternoon, soaking up the vitamin D.

 I hope you’ve all been having a lovely day 🙏🤗💖

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Hanna,

Hanna I click on the profile icon at the top of the page & then click on *profile* this brings up all the threads I am following.    When you are in a thread at the top of the page are three dots, if you click on this it lets you choose to follow or unfollow a thread.  It also lets you choose whether to have the posts appear in oldest to newest order or vice versa.  I find it easier to have it oldest to newest & then I just click on the page number to take me to the recent posts.  Unfortunately they still have a threads first post at the top of every page which is confusing. 

ER after reading Julia's 1st article I am looking forward to reading the rest of series.  I have found that too often psych drs & counsellors focus too much on someone having to only change their thinking or join groups rather than suggesting engaging in things which can take you out of your thoughts or which are emotionally refreshing.

Hanna I had a chuckle at Sam's response to the snowman.  He was an adorable little character, I do miss your tales of your outings with him, especially his love of jumping in the creek for a swim regardless of the temperature.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

It's so hot again today but there is a strong wind blowing.  I had to do a big grocery shop today of all days when half the town is at the supermarket - you'd think everything was closing up for a week.  The parking was horrendous...

i wondered what was upsetting kitty when I got home and I realized it's the sound of the wind outside so I've closed the door and windows and put on some soothing music and he seems calmer now.  Do you have any plans for Easter?  I'm not planning anything except a quiet day tomorrow - town is packed with tourists.  I'll get some housework done...

I've had some sort of virus for days ER and I'm wondering if it could be a mild dose of covid - I was getting sweats and now I'm just tired out all the time.  I guess it's completely possible.  I had to do three trips when I got home carrying groceries (and bages of kitty litter) from the car to the unit and back, and my lazy neighbour just sat on his porch watching me (he's much younger than me and just sits there all day smoking).  I would have really appreciated a helping hand carrying something!

Yes little Sam was funny with the snowman - and I think my favourite memories though as you mentioned Paws was our walks along the river, especially when it had flooded!

The birds sound lovely where you are ER.  The gang gangs in Canberra always amused me doing acrobatics on the overhead power lines and screeching madly, apparently with the fun of it all!

Not much news today, I'm just weary after the shopping and the parking was dreadful.  I still have to dash out to Coles briefly this evening.  

I have a friend who runs her own Utube channel, she lives in another state and loves vintage movies.  I think she's amazing, I would have no idea how to do it - and she does montages as well.  She keeps telling me she's done nothing with her life and I keep telling her I wouldn't know how to begin a utube channel!  I wonder why we tend to run outselves down, or belittle what we have achieved.  

We have plagues of ants here ever since it rained recently - ant baits of any kind are sold out in the supermarkets.  I'm using the old boiling water on the nests trick - it does help a bit.  I hate doing it, but I hate ants everywhere in the kitchen!

Does anyone have any plans for the Easter break?  I don't even have an Easter egg... I think I'm just happy with a quiet day tomorrow....

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, Paws and All,

It sounds super busy where you are Hanna. It will no doubt be busy here with tourists over the weekend but I’ll miss most of that as just continuing quietly at home. I have no Easter plans other than to get a few things done around here and keep recovering to be fully well again.

If you wanted to check if it’s Covid Hanna you could get a RAT test from the pharmacy. I had one at home already. It was the strong body aches that were the giveaway for me. I lost my sense of smell and taste as well which is common with Covid. I’m in a town with a lot of elderly so it’s been important to lie low and not infect anyone else. But I’d say any infectiousness is likely to be disappearing now.

I’m sorry you still have the hot weather. It seems to be like that in a lot of places. Here it is sunny and mild, just a perfect autumn day. It is still very dry though. There was a beautiful fog this morning. I am so grateful for the peace here. It is quiet with just a gentle breeze and the sounds of some birds.

I’ve had two supermarket deliveries of food now and it has been very convenient. The fruit and veggies have been fresh and of good quality. It does cut down the effort of driving to a supermarket and the energy of walking around it. I find my energy levels are quite limited even at the best of times. Energy that doesn’t go to shopping then gets reserved for other tasks and activities. On days where I’ve driven to a neighbouring town for grocery shopping I just collapse when I get home. The local supermarket here is ok but often runs out of stock and is more expensive.

I’m looking forward to the rest of autumn as I find it a beautiful time for photography. The river is often flat like glass in the mornings. As the days get shorter it’s easier to be up for dawn and sunrise photography too. April, May and June are favourite months for me to do landscape photography.

I’ve seen galahs doing acrobatics on powerlines just like what you describe with the Gang Gang Cockatoos. They are clearly having the best time spinning around and hanging upside down.

I hope you all have a lovely Easter weekend 🐣🙏🌼

[Hanna3]

Hi ER, Paws, everyone

I plan on a quiet Easter too - I am doing a declutter and it should hopefully be a peaceful time to do some more.  I got good at decluttering where I lived previously as I had a friend who put me onto a utube channel The Minimalist Mom who had some good ideas, but if you don't do it regularly the stuff creeps back in!  Plus I want to do somegeneral housework and spend time with kitty - he gets lonely at night I think as he lies outside the bedroom door and greets me the moment I open it in the morning - and he is the same when I come home from being out.  I think he gets anxious on his own which I can understand, so I will spend time with him over Easter.

I ran into a lady in the supermarket this afternoon who knew me and I apparently used to run into her walking our dogs but I'm blessed if I could remember her name or where i knew her from - how embarrassing.  I have found after several years living somewhere completely different, and being absorbed with that place and people - I have forgotten some things and people from here that perhaps I didn't know that well to start with.  I just had to apologize and explain that living elsewhere for several years I forget some things about here!

I sent Easter wishes to a couple of old friends and only realized tonight I forgot my neighbour Rosemary so I will contact her on the Saturday as she will be at Mass tomorrow for sure.  We still keep in regular contact and her little dog (same as Sam) is 19 and still going strong!

I think we're in for warm days so my favourite cafe is open each day except tomorrow, so I'll treat myself to a lunch out one day as it's a pleasant drive out of town and further along the coast and it's very scenic there.  I got chatting recently to an older woman there from Armidale - a town I used to visit a lot when I was younger as I stayed with friends on a sheep property there - and we had a lovely talk and she showed me some of the historic sites in the area I didn't know were there and I'd like to take another look.

I'm sorry you're still feeling under the weather ER - I was getting sweats so I must have some sort of bug.  The river where you are sounds lovely - I liked the Macquarie River where i used to live, it was a magnificent river and you could understand how vital it was to the early settlements there.  That town had a lot of the earliest settlers and I often wondered how they managed, coming to what must have been such a desolate place last century.  They must have been tough!

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna and Paws,

Hanna I know the feeling of having someone recognising you but not recognising them back. I have trouble with faces at times. It’s lovely you have your favourite cafe to go to. It’s nice getting to meet people there too and have a chat. I would love to visit the towns and rivers over east. I really don’t know eastern Australia very well. I so much want to travel to all parts of Australia. It would be great to have a mobile home/van and get to see a lot of the country.

Paws I meant to say earlier I very much agree with you that doctors, psychs etc often emphasise changing thinking and joining groups, but don’t necessarily think to mention experiences of awe as a source of healing. I feel like doctors could write prescriptions for awe-inspiring experiences! It could be to view the Aurora australis, stargazing, attend a magical theatre performance, swim in a beautiful lagoon, watch an epic bird or animal migration, watch the sunrise or sunset, go out in a fog and notice the droplets of dew, go snorkelling, visit some mountains etc etc. Whatever works for the person and is doable for them.

It’s very peaceful here now with dusky pink in the clouds. A few birds are chirping there last chirps of the day. It’s incredibly still.

Hope you are both having a lovely evening. I hope Brucie is settling too Hanna.

Bye for now,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and everyone

I'm just here over breakfast - I absolutely know what you mean about awe being healing - I have a book by a man who was a monk who talks about that very thing, I must look up later what he says again.  They are good for the soul and take you out of yourself.

It's muggy and raining here, looks like we are in for a wet Easter, I do feel sorry for the people who come here for the beach - but past experience tells me they'll all be in the water anyway - but it will spoil their picnic lunches and most of the cafes are closed.

I recently saw a young Canadian GP here ER, and he was telling me he plans to bring his family over and move somewhere south of Perth - I don't know if I mentioned this to yoiu, I might have done so excuse me if I am repeating myself!  I remember it's very pretty down that way.

My kitty cat is amusing himself stalking the same pee wee every morning - it walks past the screen door and is completely unaware my cat is inches away, stalking it.  He hunches up ready to pounce!  Only the screen door saves that bird...

Will be back later - I hope everyone has a pleasant Good Friday~