Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[mmMekitty]

Also, last night I had a visit from one of the cats who live around here, somewhere - upstairs from me, I think. It seems the cat was a tad confused about which flat was their home. It's a mostly black cat, with some white, & a shortish, though thick coat, like it's got two undercoats even as the weather is warm enough for it to be shedding everywhere.

It has a long, plaintive sounding meow. I wondered if their owner had given it any dinner.

I thought I'd thaw & warm some chicken for it, but that was taking too long. The cat had a look around my place, then had silently wandered past me & out again. Next I heard it meow upstairs. So, I guess that's where it lives.

It was nice to have the kitty visitor, but I was well aware I couldn't be sure where it was from one minute to the next.

I felt very uncomfortable about that.

What if it had gone to sleep under my bed? what if I thought it had gone outside again & had locked it inside with me? What if the owners think I was trying to steal it? What if they get angry about me even petting it? Etcetera .... So, hearing it upstairs, I was relieved, but I suspect they will just leave it outside again.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Oh, hi Hanna!

I think you got your post posted while I was still typing & posting mine. Good to see you.

I like the idea of games with the dog. Even with the cat - though it is, I think, more difficult to keep a cat interested in continuing to play once they get enough for a while.

It's a great way to interact & bond with your dog. the games themselves are a sort of communication between you & your dog. I think it would help to cement the relationship to be doing regular training session, games & walks. 

Indeed, the weather has been awful in some areas already, causig problems for people where it is worst. I'm not so badly affected where I live. I fear to live in some of those areas where the weather can be so extreme.

Hope you are finding ways to keep cool, & drinking plenty of water. that's very important for all of us to remember.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty, Eagle Ray, Hanna……🤗..

Awe no, I’m so sorry to both Paws and mmMeKitty for having sore feet/foot….Having sore foot really does impact on your entire body….gentle hugs sweet ladies 🤗🤗…

Paws, it really is heartbreaking to loose our beloved pets, I really do hope next year you can find a forever puppy/dog to share your life with…..Next year isn’t far away, don’t be too strict with yourself lovely Paws, if you do get the opportunity and find a new fur friend that you connect with, maybe, just maybe your projects can take a little longer to finish….

mmMeKitty, I’ve not been to a Koala Reserve, I can only imagine how sweet it would be to hold and cuddle a little Koala 🐨….I do so much hope you get to go soon….

Eagle Ray, you’re so right about pets and mental health, many times when I wanted to stay in bed all day, my fur girls let me know that they needed me to give them the attention they deserve….so up I got and my day was a better day then laying in bed with depression….

Sending some caring healing hugs for everyone..🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💕

Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws, Hanna, mmMeKitty and Grandy,

Thank you for your thoughts about doggies. I couldn’t agree more about letting them sniff and explore on walks and not being too regimented with them the way some people are. I like the idea of them being able to have lovely dreams at night about the wondrous smells, sounds, sights etc they experienced in the day. It’s fascinating when dogs are dreaming and moving their paws, sometimes doing little barks, and I always wonder what they are dreaming about. They are obviously running, maybe chasing seagulls at the beach 😂

One thing I’ve loved seeing stories about are the dogs who help kids with reading just by sitting with them. People take their particular dog regularly to the local school to sit by children having reading difficulties, and apparently it’s helped their reading development enormously just having a dog next to them.

Last year I fell in love with a Staffy X I saw on a rescue site. I absolutely loved her. She was a dark chocolate brown colour with the most soulful eyes. They had a video as well as photos and I could see her beautiful nature. But when I rang they said people were looking at her that day and sure enough they adopted her. I do feel drawn to a rescue dog just to give them a home. And, yes, they really help us too because they make us care for them, exercise daily, and see the world through their enthusiastic eyes.

MK, another thing that helped me a lot when my foot was painfully itchy was extra virgin coconut oil which you can get from the supermarket. But do take care if you try it. Firstly it will make your foot slippery so best to put it on when you have your feet up for a bit and wipe off thoroughly before standing again. You don’t want to slip over! Also, it will stain through material, so I had my foot on an old towel. It is very anti-inflammatory and alleviated a lot of discomfort after about 10 minutes from application. It helped when the cream the doctor gave me didn’t, though it didn’t completely get rid of the problem.

Paws and Hanna, I will send you good vibes for finding another furry friend. I know you must feel their absence so much. MK, that was nice to have the kitty visit but I understand the anxiety not knowing where they might be. Every time I close my garage I feel I have to check my neighbour’s cat hasn’t gone in there as I don’t want to ever shut her in by mistake. She’s a beautiful grey cat with green eyes. Grandy, I’m so glad you have your lovely fur babies.

Sending warm hugs to everyone 🤗🐶🐱💗🥰

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, mmMekitty, ER,

MK I've been thinking of you non stop... Having a foot that is not only sore but also itchy must be awful... be careful if you use any home remedies that they don't dilute or counteract the cream the Dr gave you. I'm keeping everything crossed that it clears up very soon for you. 

ER it is wonderful how just having a dog beside them can help kids with reading... all the service dogs are amazing & very special as not every dog is suitable... the range of places & situations they are now being used in, just shows how close the bond between dogs & humans is. 

Grandy I have to wait until next year as one of the projects is to have the fencing lads back to fill in the spaces that the builders left when they moved some posts & to fence where the previous owners 'greenhouse' was. Woofa couldn't fit through the gaps & found the collapsed greenhouse too scary to go near... but another dog would escape or worse get stuck.

Hanna it's funny how the way we treat dogs has changed so much... growing up it was normal for a dog to live in the yard & rarely was allowed inside... then we went through the time where dogs must be walked & trained in a regimented dominant way (rather like how us kids were taught in school about the same time)... then the idea of having to be the Alpha pack leader was the go to idea... despite how often dogs reacted to it by biting their owners... now there are two camps... one which only allows positive reinforcement & the more balanced reinforcement which allows non violent corrections such as "no". I do chuckle sometimes whenever I think that now that we let our dogs inside & they share so much of our lives... we have gone full circle with how dogs lived with our hunter gatherer ancestors... everything old is new again.

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

No worries, Paws, I am doing what my GP said, though I'd have liked if I could have been shown better ways to bandage it, especially so it would be okay to swim without the bandaging coming loose - which I imagined even before the exercise physiologist had contacted me to say she had to cancel last Monday anyway ... But I did go to the exerccise group this morning, & altered my exercises so I could sit throughout. Even so, it was getting too uncomfortable to consider doing a proper gym work-out after lunch.

When we returned back to my place, my support worker said he'd see me next Monday.  i said, what about tomorrow, (Wednesday)? He then said he had to help his bro with something, as if we hadn't already had conversations about the Xmas Morning Tea I had planned to attend. So, I thiought, no time now to find another support orker, & phoned them to tell them I had to cancel. I paid my membership & then the volunteer said she'd buy a few raffle tickets on my behalf, & deliver any prize I might win, to me. How great is that? Above & beyond, eh? Then I had another call from her again, saying the woman who took my membership payment could pick me up & bring me home, instead. Wow! I know it's not very far away, & they didn't have to even talk about it further, much less that one might decide to chauffer me (& any prize I might win).

... & I"ve already forgotten one of their names ... 

I realise I was feeling more down about being let down than I was feeling happy about the offer to get me to & from the Xmas Morning Tea.

Too late for more tonight....

Hugzies 

mmMekitty

For a bit there I thought I wouldn't be going out tomorrow after all, 

[Eagle Ray]

MK, I’m so happy someone can take you to and bring you home from the Xmas Morning Tea! Have a lovely time! 🎄😊

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, wave to ER,

I'm so pleased for you that the people from the morning tea were lovely enough to make sure you could still go. Have fun & win lots.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi all,

Glad you got to the morning tea mmMekitty!  It would have been a shame to miss it - Christmas only happens once per year after all!  I'm glad that people were helpful.

Yes now I hear from people in the UK especially for some reason that pets are being treated more like kids - maybe I wonder in our society where we are hooked up to phones and computers, if we are becoming more lonely and pets are taking the place of friends?  Not sure.  

Very hot and muggy here this week - the usual pre-Christmas cafe meetups etc - I think it's a bsking hot summer back where I was too.

[mmMekitty]

Hi everyone,

The Xmas Morning Tea was enjoyable.

Although there were fewer people than previous years, I realised how difficult it was for me to hear conversations & so was not comfortable to participate.

I was happy to sing along with the singer/guitarist with his country flavour, some traditional Xmas songs, & he even performed a couple of his own songs, one of which has been nominated for a Tamworth award. His voice was loud without a microphone. I was trying to hear where he was sitting/standing, only later realising just how close he was sitting near to me after I had moved over to the other side of the table, trying to not have so much glare bothering me.

Nice food, which included some fresh fruit, & all the rest was not so healthy. I liked the crumbed chicken strips & the cute mini-meringues. I decided to have a cup of coffee, thinking I might otherwise begin yawning, thinking people will think I am bored with everything. The coffee was so strong, though I am sure it was a 'normal' strength cuppa.

This year, they weren't selling the raffle tickets. Instead, I think, to ensure everyone had a equal chance of winning, we were given ten more or less random tickets. Unfortunately, I didn't win any of the raffles

Getting a lift to & from was lovely, so I'm not complaining.

*

Today, at the place where I went to get my memory & cognition assessed, they have a therapy dog, a black Goldendoodle. He is a lovely dog, very gentle. He was most interested in my support worker, we assume, because she has dogs & their scent was on her clothes. At least, that is what I choose to believe!

I won't have the results of the assessment until late January/early February. I certainly was aware there were some parts of the testing that I struggled with.

Halfway through the testing, we had lunch at a cafe, & I had an ice coffee, which also tasted way too strong, but at least I was not going to be yawning through the following two hours.

Hugzies everyone

mmMekitty