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Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

Paw Prints
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

1,112 Replies 1,112

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Paws, I’m so sorry, I just called you Patches. I was reading Patches post in another thread and then came here. My brain got Patches and Paws mixed up. My brain is still waking up and just realised!

Community Member

I have also had part of my path that has been dark but I always beleived there is a candle or a light to help bring you to a more positive good place. The light exists within you and that is the light of hope and inner strength. At times I personally had to face my bipolar so I totally understand the struggle with your health. 


What helped me was reading as many books that I could get my hands. The books that helped me was the book of joy by the dalia lama and the art of happiness. I use reading as a mechanism to help me cope with my illness. The other thing is I have an exercise program like going to the gym or swimming in the pool. My other favourite is cycling which gives great cardio for the body. I also think writing is a great way to express yourself and for example there are great fantasy stories you can write about dragons and wizards you must of heard of a fella called merlin.


It is important to find your own way of expression it is different for everyone. You just find what makes you happy and what bring you peace. Remember you can always reach for help here at beyond blue.


Have a wonderful day and look after yourself.





Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty, ER, Elephant86 and everyone…..🤗


Paws, I can understand how you would do that with your bed and mattress, Shows what a true empathetic and beautiful person you are…When I fell on the floor last year, I got up using my dining room chair…I also thought if you have a little 3 step ladder that could also help you…by using the steps to pull yourself up with some support…...Please do be careful sweetheart…


When I had both my shoulders frozen…I couldn’t lift my little fur girls onto my bed, I even bought a doggy ramp to help them get on my bed…but they wouldn’t use it…. I had to teach them to sleep in their fluffy beds..it took a while for them to lean to…but even now after my shoulders are around 80% mended…I still don’t let them sleep with me…I hope I don’t sound mean to them…I love them with all my heart and soul, it’s just that after sleeping on my own…I seem to get an uninterrupted sleep….(except when nature calls)…I think because I have 3 pooches and they all sleep next to each other, in there own beds now….they are okay with that…they even get up and play around at night😂…and when morning comes…I wake to open my eyes to 3 of the most amazing creature friends I’ve ever had the honour of being a human mum too…



I hope Woofa is okay Paws….I know you have a huge amount of love for Woofa…we do our best to keep our loved pets happy and content…


Hugs everyone 🤗🤗🤗🤗….fur and feathered hugs as well…. 🦅 🦢 🐕 🐶



Paw Prints
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello ER, mmMekitty, Elephant86 & Grandy,


That's ok Eagle Ray, I've managed to call people by the wrong name when they are standing in front of me, it is something easily done.


I struggled yesterday just tucking in the bed clothes, so I'm for now I'm going to give up on the idea of putting my mattress on the floor for Woofa. He isn't stressing for as long about not coming up with me which I hope means he will eventually stop trying, though he does make me feel like a meany when he does his sad puppy eyes at me. I do miss having him on the bed & will keep putting the mattress down as an option.


I can't kneel as my knees are stuffed because I fell over a lot as a child & badly damaged them, so when I sit on the floor in order to get up I need something to hang onto as I try to get a foot under me to push up. With my dodgy hips & spine I need to be careful how I angle myself up, which is why I avoid sitting on the floor as much as possible. I think it would be easier getting up from the mattress as it would cushion the pressure.


The weather here is horrible, it's warm & sunny & in the low 20s.... it isn't meant to be this hot yet... last Friday the temp only reached 12 deg... the sudden jump is a bit hard to take... I want nice mild Spring days... Summer will be here fast enough as it is & I'm not looking forward too it. 


Lazy dinner tonight, Mexican beans topped with corn chips & lots of melted cheese... yummmmm












Dear Paws and Everyone,


That sounds like a sensible option to not struggle with the bed for now, but I totally understand those puppy eyes looking up at you. But it does sound like he is gradually adjusting and I'm sure he knows you love him to bits and want the best for him. It's important to take care of your knees. I know those childhood accidents can take a toll later. I did something a bit rash ice skating when I was 17 that left me lying on the ice rink for a long time with major impact to the knee. The ice rink was at least a medicinal ice pack to reduce inflammation! I never went to a physiotherapist, just put up with the trouble it gave me until it improved. I've had intermittent problems ever since and do wonder if that knee will crack up at some point.


Yes, there does seem to be a pattern of abnormally warm conditions in recent times where spring and summer seem to start earlier. It isn't like that so much here yet this year, but I know I have felt it before in recent years and thought it shouldn't be this warm yet.


I'm having a lazy dinner too of leftovers. Enjoy your Mexican meal - yummy! Wishing you and Woofa a lovely evening and weekend xx

Hello ER, wave to everyone,


I'm a bit envious that you can ice skate (not the falling over bit), I've never had the balance, I tried ice skating, using roller skates & even skiing & I couldn't even stand up on any of them without hanging on to someone. 


Well back to cool weather today, we made it up to 9 deg here & so I decided to light the wood fire this afternoon. It is a nicer heat than the reverse cycle, but it does take awhile for the warmth to spread enough to feel it, which is why I don't use it that much.


Some good news, this week we have tweaked Woofa's pain meds & it has made such a difference. With not being able to get on the bed he has been very restless at night & was waking me regularly. Well last night about 2am he was was up & tried to get up on the bed & woohoo he surprised us both by succeeding. Not only that he then slept through the night without stirring & even slept past his usual getting up time. He seems so much happier in himself which makes Paws so much happier.




Ooo that is good news,Paws, & Woofa - both happier again!

Hugzies & schnozbops 


That's such wonderful news Paws! I'm so happy that Woofa is feeling better and getting himself up on the bed again. It is a joy to not be in pain and be able to sleep. I know that must be such a relief for you and so good to see him able to relax and be comfortable. Sending you both a big hug.


As for my ice-skating, it was pretty uncoordinated, hence the crash. It was actually a very stupid thing where a group of us were skating together holding hands to build up speed and then let the person on the end go to fly along with the extra propulsion. When it was my turn to be flung from the group I lost control and went into an almighty crash. These days I appreciate my body and take much more care not to injure myself!


It does sound quite cool where you are. I have both a wood heater and reverse cycle aircon too. I use the aircon more as well but, yes, the wood fire is lovely when it gets going.


Take care and warm hugs (and to you too MK).

I'm shattered, it hurts so much, my beautiful Woofa was put to sleep today, his health deteriorated rapidly over the weekend & I had to let him go.

Dear Paws,


 I am so sorry to hear about Woofa. I really feel for you. I know it will be shattering. He was so, so loved by you and you gave him a wonderful life. I can tell how caring you are and he couldn’t have had a better home. I know it will be incredibly hard right now, but you have support here on the BB Forum and we are here for you. So feel free to share anytime it helps to do so. Be gentle with yourself as I know it will feel overwhelming at the moment, especially as it happened quickly. Sending you much care and support and a warm hug,

ER xx