Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

Yes spring arrived here too... the last few days have been all around 20 degrees... which straight after days of 11 or 12 feels very very warm... Woofa has loved having sunshine streaming through the windows he can sprawl in... it hasn't lasted though the forecast is for rain & thunderstorms all week from today & the wind has really picked this morning.

Now it has warmed up the echidnas should be awake & moving about so I'm keeping an eye out for the one that visits here each year. It is nice watching him/her amble about.

What a pain being caught up in the optus mess... I hope it is a simple thing to change your licence & you don't encounter long wait times. I've just emailed a company that has managed to double bill me for the one service... I'm hoping that can be sorted out without too much back & forth.

I was surprised when you said that your town was quiet with the long weekend... I would have thought you would have been over run with city folk getting away for weekend... I'm glad for you that you weren't.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, just a quick hello, it is about to pour rain here and i need groceries and my elderly friend in the city is extremely sick with covid, she is in her 90s so we are all very worried about her.  I will try to come back here leter on.  hugs from us here

[ecomama]

Thankyou for your comment... "Em that is so sweet you carrying Pood around in a sling until he felt more settled... it can be so hard for some rescues to learn to feel safe."

Thankyou. 

Our animal friends all need us and we step up as best we can, I'm sure.

Poods had a long day at the Vet's today and it was uncertain news. They've sent a cist of for testing, which they removed from his mouth. The Vet suspects he has Cancer and I cannot bare to tell Yvette. Bloods showed elevated Calcium which is a sign. 

He's been with us such a short time, a blink if I'm honest. 

Sadly that's how I feel about all my animals, they never live long enough. Never. 

I'm too distressed to talk more about it atm. 
I need to hide all this from my kids. 

Will find out late next week what the results are. 
He's been a true Blessing to us, mostly Yvette as she tries to recover from her past. 

Love EMxxx

[Paw Prints]

Hello Em

Oh lass I'm so sorry... Woofa & I will keep fingers & paws crossed it is just a benign growth... 

Love & hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws 

Just to let you know I've come down with gastro and have been too sick to come by the last couple of days and will probably be pretty sick for the next couple of days. Cheers 🐕

[mmMekitty]

How are you, Paws. I appreciate your support, even the blue heart kind. [warmly grinning LRC] [purring LRC] [LRC rubs head against hand of Paws]

[LRC joins Woofa in the sun, playing 'patty cake'] (that's a very special emoji)

[mmMekitty]

Hey Paws. [Grinning LRC tapping at the window] Just thought I'd drop by with a cool salad & a couple carrots for Woofa to crunch.

I hope the weather will be not too bad. If you can find a shady park & get some breeze. Don't forget to take water for you & Woofa. Stroll around, relax a while, & hopefully meet some nice people, maybe with their dogs too.

I can deal with dry heat. Sometimes, when it's extreme, & it feel like a shock to the system walking out from an airconditioned building, I don't know anyone who enjoys that.

I don't know what your residential circumstances are, but maybe having a game with the garden hose would cool both you & Woofa down.

I've wondered, if I had gotten a puppy, could I have encouraged puppy to enjoy playing in the shower. On a very hot day, that could have been great, for both of us. Not as nice as a bath or a swimming pool, but it was an idea.

*

referring to the title of this discussion, I guess I am moving goal posts, though to be honest, I didn't set proper goals. I used to float about, 'getting by' & 'getting through' to wherever I found myself nest. Sometimes the goal was simply 'getting out', in that I had to escape where I was. I never planned or thought out what to do or how to do what was needed. It would seem all too hard if I did.

My goal now, is to get myself physically healthier, losing weight, getting fit, making some muscle so I can feel I have some physical strength, primarily because I loathe feeling how I do now, in my body & knowing it's been getting worse, not better. I know I have to do much better than I've ever done.

I have high blood pressure & arthritis The way things are going I could easily become diabetic or have other conditions develop. I'm also at greater risk of developing another cancer, being overweight & having had two already.

I've been overturning what I'm eating. I'm deliberately including more exercise. I still want more, with some help, & am working on that.

I've got to keep in mind, what I want to do this for, & what consequences I'm trying to avoid if I possibly can, if I don't.

I'm offering myself a big bunch of carrots, as opposed to the big bunch of spikey sticks, if I don't keep to my goals.

The progress seems so slow; I want noticeable improvements at once a week. So far, all I can notice is that I can feel small muscles in my upper arms.

Hugzies & nosebops

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Oh, just for a change, Woofa can have the hugzies. You get the nosebops! [Funny LRC? Grinning up at Paws]

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMeKitty.

Sorry I didn't reply earlier... I spent all yesterday & most of today in bed... only getting up to feed Woofa... he has been very good staying beside me most of the time... I love how he knows & just stays close... though he is also good at telling me when he thinks enough is enough & at making me get up.

With dry heat, though unpleasant, it is possible to still do things... but I hate that clammy feeling that humidity causes... it is so tiring... Woofa & I stayed in front of the fan

I read your suggestion about playing under the hose to Woofa... he thinks as a LRC you should be well aware that water is only for drinking & that one should never have to deal with getting ones paws wet... 

Like you I need to lose weight, eat better & get more exercise... it sounds like you are making a good start... I love your perseverance... I saw on your thread you resisted temptation when your sister visited... you should be proud of yourself...

I agree it is hard that we can't see improvement in a short time period... I try to remind myself I took years to get this unhealthy... I'm so bad with my arthritis, weight etc I need to start of my exercise program with the type of gentle exercise they have elderly people do... I've been tossing up whether keeping a log of what I can do might be a better way so I could look back & see any improvement however small...

I find it so very hard trying to stick to doing these things... I start & very quickly lose any oomph to keep going... but given how uncomfortable & painful I find my body now... that should be motivation in itself... it is hard to break bad habits especially when depressions little voice tells you there is no point.

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

I’m just thinking out loud, I’m not at risk.  *** TW Death***

I’m fed up with the way my mind is… this is really stupid… I’m struggling badly & I don’t know how to move past this… it’s affecting everything… the thing is I know this sense of dread is not in any way rational… doing “x” will not cause “y”… I KNOW THIS… but my mind is still making the link… despite me doing all the things the psych’s have over the years said would help…

I understand how the link was created… whenever I have in the past been suicidal I have “put everything in order”, all the housework done, the garden work done, threw out heaps of things… add to that I lost so many people I loved throughout my childhood years…

The two things have become muddled in my mind… my mind now associates doing housework/gardening etc with someone I love dying… It’s not remotely rational I know this… I’m sitting here in tears looking at the complete mess my house is in… it doesn’t help that when I do manage to start doing something I’m physically limited as to how much I can get done in one go… doing stuff hurts…

I’m wondering if it’s worse at present because I’m aware that my family have a short lifespan & my sisters are now getting closer to the top age anyone has reached in generations… my brothers have already died… add in Woofa starting to struggle with old age associated things…

Yet again here I am up well past what would be a healthy bedtime… staying up all night to avoid the day… I’m a grown adult… yet I struggle to do the things that would probably help like eating healthy, good sleep habits, taking my meds properly, exercise… no one else can do these for me… I have to do it… I know this… like I know the dread isn’t rational…

I don’t know if saying it out loud (as it were) will help… but I’m determined to try everything I can think of…

I hate living like this