Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Yes just from knowing you here on BB I can sense a difference in you after you have been with people, even brief encounters seem to give you energy.  Lass even if you weren't consciously aware of it, it must have been such a sharp contrast for you arriving home after all the possibilities Melbourne showed you & it must have on many levels reinforced how much you need a change from your current way of living.  I think that would drop anyone's mood & it would be so easy from there to feel yourself starting to spiral down into depression. I'm sure you will find something to get you out & being around others.  Perhaps you could look at pet sitting in WA just to give you a chance to go to other places & meet new people.

All the dogs around here are farm dogs, there might be some in big town that would want their dog walked but a) that is a bit far to travel... &  b) even more importantly they would probably be little yappy dogs & as much as I love dogs in general, really small dogs usually have 'small dog syndrome' & want to take on anyone & everyone they meet on a walk, plus they are rarely trained... all things that would drain any possible enjoyment.  No I think I will hold out until I can get my own.

Speaking of moving towards getting my own.  Progress with the outdoors is still moving in the right direction.  Though my ride on mower is off at the repair place because despite my buying a brand new battery it still doesn't want to go.  Luckily for me the chap who has been clearing my yards knows a local who fixes them & that will save me lots of $$ not having to have it collected & returned by the mower place in big town.  

Progress indoors is also moving now I can believe that it won't be too much longer before I get a furry friend.  You may remember my buying a new couch a few months back because the old one was kaput, the new one has been sitting in the entrance way requiring me to squeeze past it all this time. Well this week I finally did all the furniture shuffling need to move the new couch in to position & move the old couch to a stop gap place until I can get a skip in & be rid of it. Another thing crossed off the to do list.  🙃 Today however...  I stripped the bed... yay!! I put the new clean sheets on the bed... yay!! I grabbed my doona to put a fresh cover on... ummm.. for some reason today my doona & the doona cover have decided they do not want to be joined... 20 minutes I struggled for... my grasp of spatial awareness rapidly evaporating into thin air as I seemed to spend more time inside the doona cover than any part of the actual doona did 🙈  to save what little sanity 🤪 remained I left them on the bed & made a hasty retreat... now I'm hoping that somehow, magically the doona will have put itself in the cover before I have to go back in there to go to bed.  🙏🤣  

As I'm typing this a Kookaburra has landed on the top of the chimney & it's call is echoing down the flue & reverberating through my lounge.  I think the echoes may have spooked it because it took off with a big clatter.

It has been raining on & off all day & there are forecasts of snow in the alps, so it appears you took the sunny weather back with you to WA.

I recognise that urge to pick up & cuddle a Quenda, I get it when I see a wallaby.

I hope both you & T are feeling better today & that you have a lovely deep sleep tonight.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Lass I'm just popping in to let you know I am thinking of you.  Please don't feel any pressure to reply.  

I know you do use them, but just a gentle reminder the helplines are there for you if you need them.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws