Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I had actually planned the trip for work on my car before the fluffy cat petsitting came up. So it’s all good. I’m a fair distance here from my friend so probably won’t catch up this time, but may catch up with another closer by. I’m thinking about this area as a place to live. It’s an outer suburb so less expensive than some areas. It has notoriously been a crime suburb in the past (and still is to a degree) but has some lovely areas close by too. It feels like a possibility but I have this strange feeling at the moment of really not knowing where home is anymore. I did have a sense of home growing up even though it was a challenging time. I felt very connected to place there and I established a strong sense of place in all the 10 suburbs I rented in as an adult. Then I moved to a country town I thought would feel like home but kind of still doesn’t. So I feel genuinely confused about where I belong. I’d really like to feel a sense of belonging somewhere.

There are wetlands that are walking distance from here. I will definitely visit. I saw 3 pelicans fly over as I arrived here. The inlet valve had to be turned off on the hot water tank so no hot water at my place for now. But it’s totally fine as I actually don’t mind cold showers and can boil water in the kettle for my dishes. It made me wonder if I really need a hot water system at all, especially given the cost of a new one 🤔 But if I resell I will of course need one.

That’s lovely you have some new bird visitors. What colours do you see on the one you think is a Robin? I have recently had a White-breasted Robin in my garden which I hadn’t seen in the garden before. I do see them on bushland walks but it’s the first time one has started visiting my garden. There are so many Honeyeaters, if the other one you’ve seen is one. Let me know if you identify it. I’m always interested in birds. When I was in Melbourne I caught the train to Sandringham and walked along the Bay Trail there and enjoyed seeing various birds I’d never seen before. I think I may have mentioned before that I saw a Rakali (native water rat) there too. I really liked that area.

Well it’s pretty warmish here, definitely still feeling like summer. I was reading about how dry it is in western Victoria and how growers of broccoli and potatoes are having a hard time with crops not doing well. With the broccoli it grows ok but tastes bitter from insufficient water. I hope the dryness ends very soon.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and, yes, I’m going gently. I’m getting better at that than I used to be. I hope things are going gently for you too.

Peaceful hugs you 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm fairly certain it was a Scarlet Robin as I had one visit a couple of times last year.  As for the other bird, it was the size (about 15+ cms) & the body shape of a honey eater, but the beak wasn't really long enough & despite going through my whole guide book quite a few times, plus google, I cant find any bird that matches... it had a black cap (only on the top of the head, not below the face),  the wings, back & tail were an olive green/grey & the throat & underside an off white with very small flecks.  On the underside of the tail, each feather had a white chevron near the end.  My guide book show juveniles if they vary from the adult plumage, but still nothing matches.  

I saw on the news how hot Perth is, so I hope if you went for a walk around the wetlands you got it in before the heat of the day.  I imagine with Perth's ongoing heat, that the wetlands must be attracting birds that aren't usually associated with a wetland area & are just there to get water & a reprieve from the heat.  I love that you saw Pelicans in flight, they look so clumsy when on the ground or trying land, flying does show them off to their advantage.

You have mentioned before that it will be some time until you can move as you need to get things done to sell where you are.  I think just use that time to visit places you think you might like & see what they offer & how they make you feel.  You have the time in hand to take things slowly & not be pressured into a hasty decision.  It also gives you time to consider what type of housing would best suit you... be it a retirement village, single storey units, strata units, town house, etc, there are a lot of different options out there.  I'm sure all the skill sets you have gained from having to be so pro-active in your health care will transfer over to your home hunting endeavours.

It has been hot the last few days, but there is rain forecast for Sunday... so fingers crossed it doesn't miss here.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I love Scarlet Robins 🥰 We get them here along with the Red-capped Robins. They are cute round little birds. It’s a delight to see them. I am not at home now so don’t have access to my bird books, but I’ll have a look when I get back. I did have a bird app by Michael Morecombe on my old iPad which was sometimes helpful in bird ID as from memory you could put in search criteria and it would bring up possibilities. I might have a look at currently available apps. Some honeyeaters do have shorter beaks like the Black-headed Honeyeater in Tasmania which doesn’t look quite like a typical honeyeater.

Yes, Perth is still very much in summer mode. 36 is forecast for tomorrow. After collecting my car from the mechanic I went to a park near the ocean and lay under a lovely big Tuart Tree for a long time which felt like the coolest place to be, apart from something like a shopping centre but I felt like being outside. I fell asleep a bit under the tree. I had horrendous gallbladder pain late this afternoon and evening because I ate food at lunch today and last night that was probably cooked in not the best oils. I only seem to get this gallbladder pain when away and I eat some food out. At home I cook so healthily and only use healthy fats like olive oil, so I realise I have to stick to this all the time. With the liver condition I have there are bile flow issues and some issues with the gallbladder too, so I’m learning my lesson about what I can eat. I had a small quinoa, wild rice, kale and cranberry salad for dinner which was exactly what I needed. The pain is subsiding now.

I haven’t been to the wetland yet on this trip but have been there before. I’ll do a walk in the morning either there or by the ocean. The wetland is in easy walking distance from here. This area has some nice nature areas. It’s historically a bit of a high crime suburb but I’ve lived in various of those before. So I think I’d be fine with that. These areas tend to start to gentrify, but of course I always wonder about the people doing it the toughest who then get pushed further out again. There’s new apartment complexes going up around here that are cheaper than closer to the city. I’ve seen units in what I think is my affordability range.

Bit what I’ve so profoundly realised is I need a community of people to call home too, or like a family structure. I am definitely looking for connection and relationship now. I know the place alone is not the answer but the whole package of people and place. It may make more sense to find my people first, so to speak, than the place. Perhaps stay where I am for now but come up to the city fairly often and keep making connections as well as try to be connected in my current home area. But I do just automatically feel more part of humanity in the city and considerably less isolated, which is not what I expected having always been so certain I wanted to move to the country. I think I’m transforming within myself and as that happens I am seeking different outcomes in other areas of life.

I really hope you get the rain on Sunday Paws 🤞🌧️🌈 How are you going at the moment? I imagine you’ve been restful in the recent heat. I’m glad you are enjoying the birds and I’ll let you know if I come across anything that sounds like your mystery bird.

Take care and big hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing such pain, It is good to hear it is subsiding.  Having to be as mindful of what you eat as you do, I imagine it must be easy for you to be caught out sometimes when eating food prepared by other regardless of how careful you are.  I wish you had Fluffy Cat there to give some support.

Finding your people first is a great idea.  With most community/group activities being at the very least advertised online these days hopefully that will give you leads for finding people you can feel a connection too.  You may not agree, but I think it is good that you did move to where you now live, as it has highlighted for you what is really important in your life for you to feel at home & content.  You thought it would suit you & if you hadn't tried it, I think a part of you would have continued with that mind game we all suffer from... "what if".  

Well Saturday afternoon it started to drizzle, actually drizzle is heavier than what showed up, it was more of a very, very fine mist.  It lasted all afternoon & into early evening & I thought it was a precursor to the forecast rain today.  I thought wrong  😥 as it appears that was it for the forecast rain, it just arrived a bit earlier.  So no rain today, just strong winds which are of course drying out what little moisture we did get.

I went to my GP last week to get scripts as I had run out of some meds, & when she asked how I was instead of saying ok, I admitted I've not been coping for some time now.  We have agreed I might find talking to a psychologist helpful, so next week she & I will update my mental health plan & she will write a referral.  

I kept everything crossed for you that they managed to find & fix the problem with your car.  Safe travels.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

The pain is all good now. No problems yesterday or today. I’m really learning what is best for me to eat. My car is all good too. It needed things replaced - brake pads etc. There’s more on the list but I’m doing things progressively. My mechanic is good about being clear as to what needs attention soon and what can be left for a while.

I think you are quite correct. That if I hadn’t moved to where I have it always would have been a case of “what if”. I still think I’ll be there for a while yet as I figure out my life going forward. Right now I’m in a lovely park adjacent to apartments where two are for sale within my price range. I know I’m not in a position to act on those right now, but it’s the fact such apartments exist that I could potentially go to if it worked out. This area is a long way out from the city and that’s why things are more affordable. It’s a large complex and something seems to come up every couple of months there. There’s other complexes too but this one in particular is appealing.

That’s disappointing about the rain 😞 It’s like promising and then not. It was sort of like that here last night with some rumbles of thunder and a few of those large raindrops that seem to fall in thunderstormy weather. But then nothing more. I’m noticing the general drying trend up here. I also noticed the significant beach erosion during a seaside walk yesterday. One section has been turned into a rock wall to hold the ocean at bay. A sign says no dogs on that beach but there is no beach now, just steps that go straight into about 2m water. It’s quite strange seeing beaches simply disappear. Humans and other creatures are definitely going to have to be adaptive.

Paws, I’m really glad you let your GP know how things have been really going. For a very long time I always said I was “good” and “fine” when I wasn’t. It is really important to find support when struggling. I hope the psych you are referred to is one you like and feel comfortable with. I had to try a few to get someone really on the same page but it was well worth it in the end. If the one you see doesn’t feel the right fit after a few sessions don’t hesitate to research who else is out there and actually choose yourself. That is what I did and then went to my GP for a referral for that person. But hopefully you will like this psych and they can provide meaningful support for you. I think someone who is sensitive and can be really present with you would be ideal, as you are a beautiful, kind, sensitive soul who deserves caring and intuitive support.

There’s a nice soft breeze here and I’m on a park bench in a shady spot. I’m about to walk to some other unit complexes that come up on the real estate site also every couple of months or so. Those ones are next to main roads so I think I’d like the ones here the most next to this park.

Anyway, take care and kind, supportive hugs to you dear Paws 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Oh I'm so glad your pain is completely gone lass.

It might just be me being super cautious, but I think I would be concerned about moving to a unit complex where units change hands quite often.  My thought processes would immediately ask "why? what's wrong there".  As you can probably tell by that I am not a person who automatically sees things through "glass half full" eyes.  I do realise it might be for harmless reasons like the cost of living biting & people having to sell up as a result, but I would still need to check it out.

It seems everywhere these days is having to deal with major beach erosion happening.  I think we tend to forget that the seas have been nibbling away at the coastline since forever, even if it is more often just small nibbles.  I've always thought building on the foreshore or cliff tops was far too risky, the same with building on flood plains, but we humans never seem to learn.  It is sad though when the beaches vanish before our eyes.  It sounds as though the 'no dogs' beach must have disappeared quite recently if the signage is still there & to now have 2m of water it must have been a strong storm surge.  I'm tempted to say it is Karma for not allowing dogs 🐕🙃.  

I have a puzzle that I may need to climb through the electric fence to the neighbours side to solve, it has me completely baffled.  A few weeks ago I noticed a lump (basketball size sort of) in the neighbours field, just far enough away to make it unclear as to what it was.  First thought was large echidna, but it seemed a bit big... then when the sunlight hit it I thought it might be a fox curled up sleeping, but not really a good match... then I thought a large paper bag or crumpled cardboard... problem is there have been strong winds & it still hasn't moved... the fact it hasn't moved despite the weeks passing does rather rule out all of my other earlier guesses as well.  The next thought is a large rock... but if so where did it come from????   There are no rock piles for it to roll away from...  Falling from a truck seems to be ruled out by the distance from the road & all the vegetation between... being brown it isn't a meteorite... it is too big for an Eagle to even lift, (can you tell I'm running out of logical ideas), plus why would an Eagle want to...  so I'm open to all & every suggestion 👀 that my baffled brain can't think of for itself.

Thank you for your support, especially about the psych

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I understand what you are saying about the unit complex. I did have similar thoughts regarding units coming up for sale, but it is a very large complex, as in several blocks of units. So my hopeful thinking was that they come up because there are so many. If it was a smaller complex it would feel more of a red flag, but I still need to consider whether there may be a reason for units becoming available. One thing I noticed walking past was someone listening to the footy quite loud. There may be reasonable sound proofing between units, but if someone is on their balcony or has the door to their balcony open, any noise coming from there is going to be heard. But that issue is going to exist with most complexes. Where I live now there is actually a decent gap between each unit with a garage creating a space/separation. There is a pretty good sense of privacy and personal space.

The “no dogs” sign at this “beach” was very strange. If a dog went down the steps they’d just go straight into water. There had been no storm or surge prior to that particular morning which was calm and sunny. The water just seems to have inundated that area. Being close to a road was probably a major factor in building the rock wall to try to hold the ocean at bay. There are properties directly across the road where I think I’d be a bit concerned if I was the owner. I used to park my car at a spot next to Port Beach in North Fremantle that no longer exists as it’s collapsed due the sea eroding it. Likewise, as a teenager I stayed with my friend and her family at the town of Seabird. It has changed significantly and there is now a sea wall built there and a real fear some of the homes will be washed away. So the WA coast does seem to have quite a bit going on with sea level rise.

Your puzzle sounds fascinating Paws 🤔 You have made me very curious as to what it is. A brown meteorite could be possible. I just looked up whether meteorites can be brown. Apparently they are more black to grey when they arrive but have something called a fusion crust which can be subject to weathering over time leading to a change in colour. But your mystery object is recent so I’m not sure if that’s plausible. Plus I feel like a meteorite of that size would create more of an impact, so that there would be a depression in the earth and you probably would have heard the impact if home at the time. Hmmm 🧐 Eagles have been known to drop things from the sky, thought not large rocks. The Ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus apparently died this way when an eagle dropped a tortoise it was carrying that landed on his head 😳 Another possibility could be an ant or termite mound? They do build some substantial solid structures. I will let you know if I think of anything else. Most interesting!

Take good care Paws and I hope the week is going well. Big hugs to you,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Paws Puzzle - part 2....  Brainwave no.1 -  I dug out the binoculars the previous owners left here on the back window ledge... now I remember why they ended up in the cupboard... they need cleaning/adjusting/possibly throwing out.    So brainwave No. 2 - I took a photo on the highest zoom setting on my phone & then enlarged the pic when I viewed it.....   well it sort of worked... what it looks like is a large handbag/carryall with a central top opening which is open leaving two, well pouches for want of a better description.  There are things in it though not clear what.   Now before we get too excited... it also looks like a round ottoman that has split in two with some of the stuffing being visible.  So it isn't a rock, or a fox, or an echidna & most definitely not a meteorite.   The search for a conclusive answer though continues.............

From your descriptions it does sound like WA has a bigger coastal erosion problem than I ever imagined.  Along your coastlines that directly face the Southern Ocean (like around Albany) I would expect it, but I honestly thought that the western coastline south of cyclone territory would be reasonably stable.  Mind you this is/was an assumption made without any basis or data on which to make it, other than the awful "I thought it so" .  

I had my Mental Health Care Plan updated & my GP has emailed it all to the Psych... so the Psych should ring me this week, but if I don't hear from the her I'm to ring the her myself next week.

After having trouble getting things at Woolies in Big Town I got brave & ventured into the great unknown of Coles.   I wasn't expecting much as from the outside as you look at the frontage, it doesn't appear to be big enough to hold much stock.    OMG... it is like an aircraft hanger inside it is so big... think of the biggest Bunnings you've seen & you might be close..ish.   I would be a complete convert, but....  I found it too big for me to be able to walk through the whole store in one go... even with the trolley to hold onto for balance.  Perhaps once I learn the layout I might be able to work around the distance walked issue.

Oh thank you for the story of the dropped tortoise, I didn't know that one.  What a way to go, the poor man.

  🐻🤗🐻

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Well the object mystery sounds most curious. What is it and how did it get there? My telephoto lens could probably identify it as it would provide more detail than a phone. Perhaps you could get a new pair of binoculars? A telescope may be too much of an expensive investment and is obviously designed for more distant objects 🔭🤔 A drone would be useful in this situation.

It’s great you have your MHCP updated. I’ve used up my first 6 sessions this year already so got the referral from my GP yesterday for the remaining 4. If you use up all 10 you can also do an Enhanced Primary Care Plan that will give you another 5 with a rebate that’s a bit less than the MHCP but still useful. It will be nice to have that support.

Good on you for bracing the new territory of Coles! It does sound massive. I find the Coles and Woolies in my neighbouring town to be very different places. The Coles car park is always hugely congested whereas the Woolies one doesn’t get to so tight. The Coles is super bright inside and the Woolies is kind of dim. The Coles I find easier to navigate and find what I want whereas it’s a little harder in the Woolies, though ok once used to it. They certainly have a different vibe. The self checkouts are more spacious in Woolies. So various pros and cons. At least you know what the Coles is like now and, as you say, once you know the layout you may be able to walk around efficiently and not have to cover as much ground.

Do you have any farmers’  markets in your big town or surrounding area? It’s quite a big thing here in WA, even in the city where there are several such markets where people can buy fresh produce directly from growers/producers. I’ve been meaning to go to the one in my neighbouring town for a while but seem to always be using the supermarket.

Well wishing you a lovely evening Paws. I’m just back from a walk where the light was beautiful even though cloudy. It had that golden quality. I’m about to have chicken and vegetable soup for dinner.

Big hugs 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Yes the Coles here is much brighter than the Woolies too.  One major thing I liked about Coles was that the car park wasn't as busy as the Woolies one & I was able to park much closer.  It may have been a fluke, but I'm hoping it will be the same next time.  I hate trying to navigate a trolley through a car park.

There aren't any farmers markets hereabouts, though they are a regular fixture in many of Melbourne's outer suburbs or the small towns just out of Melbourne.  I think some of the more major rural towns like Geelong & Ballarat etc probably have them.  I have seen a few farms locally that do the produce at the farm gate with an honesty box to put the money in.  There does seem to be fewer these days than when I moved here.  I don't know if that is due to the drought or the fact that most people these days don't carry cash.  I hope it is not because they had people taking items without paying.

Chicken & vegetable soup sounds very yum. 

How are you doing lass?  You do have a lot on your plate to try to deal with & to get through each day.  I hope you know you can say as much or as little here as you feel would be helpful for you.  

Hugs

Paws