Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Paws

I wonder if you could access psychological help through telehealth? I know they've increased availability due to covid. Not sure how you feel about it, but something to consider perhaps. Your GP may be able to help with this. I think it's wonderful that you want to make some changes. I really hope you can get the appropriate help to do so.

How's the arm?

Big hugs, Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, that link sounds interesting I must have a look.

Paws, the rooms don't have to be perfect - in the bathroom just a clean loo and basin... you can have stuff and clutter around in the lounge, just have it so you can have someone over and not feel bad... I used to have a friend years ago who was a working single Mum so very busy - when I went to her place she would have piles of laundry on every chair in the lounge - we'd just laugh and she'd say to just pick a pile up and dump it on the floor somewhere! So don't be too fussy... just enough for someone to be able to visit. With any luck you could keep them out of the kitchen, so you only have to think about the bathroom and whereever you entertain them such as the lounge.

Sending pats to Woofa! oxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Good Morning Grandy, Hanna, Katy & everyone,

I'm just popping in to bb while I have a cuppa... today is my first day getting up at a reasonable time (8am)... I'm dressed... I made a yummy bowl of porridge for breakfast... took my meds... fed Woofa... I've done a load of washing which is now in the drier... I'm now having a cuppa.

After my cuppa I'm going to make a start cleaning the kitchen.... clearing stuff off all the benches to start... today I will just focus on the kitchen... I'm going to do it in small chunks (pain limited) with breaks doing things like reading my book with a cuppa.

Yesterday I rang the mower place... I had been lost in the system... they will ring me today to let me know when they will pick up my mower.

The fog is starting to burn off... Woofa is seeking the sun through the windows

Hope you all have a lovely day

Hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

That bowl of porridge sounds lovely! It's cold here this morning and the rain is about to roll through - more storms. You sound very motivated today. I bet that feels nice. Enjoy 🙂

Katy

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Paws...

I am so very proud of you, the way you woke up early..had a bowl of yummy porridge, done your washing and are going to clean your kitchen.....Well done Paws...

Please just take your time doing things...their is no hurry, doing it slowly maybe with some music you like....and taking breaks in between....,By cleaning your kitchen right now...is for you doing a bit of gradual exposure therapy.....it might be hard as you have to also manage your ptsd thoughts.....Please don’t push yourself to much.....for your own mental health.....and of course your physical health..

Think happy thoughts and do something nice for yourself...to reward you for your incredible efforts...A nice cuppa outside with a book...a nice bubble bath if you have a bath..if not a nice shower with some pretty scented soap...

Awe sorry your mower request got lost in the system....it can happen easily when the shop is very busy.lim pleased you rang and sorted it all out.....

Woofa has a great idea..sitting in a sunny spot to warm up...I think the animals also know that the sun’s warmth has a healing and calming effect on them..my dogs do the same every morning....I hope you can manage some time in the sun as well......My Dr said 15 minutes is enough to help us sleep at night...

I hope you enjoy your day lovely Paws...and please small steps at a time are better then one giant step which can result in burn out and ptsd thoughts....it might take some time for you to accept a clean house and be happy of it...but it will happen.....believe in yourself that you can...

My kindest thoughts with my love, care and comforting hugs...beautiful friend..,🕊🌱🌹🧸🤗.

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Good on you! Getting up early and a start on the kitchen. Don't try to do too much and make yourself over tired tomorrow - pace yourself carefully - just one little thing at a time... then reward yourself with a break. It's easy to go at things gung-ho and wear yourself out... so take it slowly.

You could look at not going to that meet up as a good thing as it's motivated you to do some changes at home, and you said on my thread you have a nice outing on the weekend - so all that sounds very positive Paws! A big pat on the back to you!!!!! Well done! hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, Hanna, Katy & everyone,

Well things were going swimmingly yesterday... I made a start on the kitchen... I brought my wheelie bin inside so I could just through tings straight in it... so while it was inside I went around & collected all the magazines/catalogues etc that were all over the house & they all went in... I went through the fridge & freezer tossed anything that was past... emptied all the inside bins into it & lots of other bibs & bobs went in... empty dog food bags etc

I was taking regular breaks mainly because my back made me... & even though to an outsider my kitchen still looks grotty I could see progress... I was feeling pleased with myself... I had made more progress than I thought I would & I hadn't over strained my back/hip.

Well..... I know logically /rationally it is just a coincidence..... but... beasty is telling me otherwise.... I clean = bad things happen... I clean a little = little bad things happen.... in this case... I tried to use my regular lap top yesterday evening... it started up then after a few minutes it turned itself off & though I stayed up til 12:30 last night & have spent over 2hrs today I still can't get it to work properly (or at all at times)... I'm writing this on my old lap top which is so old it renders peoples emojis as just squares.

I've achieved nothing today other than feed the dog & give myself a headache...

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws (waves to everyone)

My computer has been down since last night so computer problems must be catching! I don't know if/when yours is working yet but I wanted to say (now I've finally managed to get online) that it sounds like you got a lot done the other day! Well done you but don't overdo it all at once... I was watching a video the other day about tidying up your home, and he said to look at your home and decide what you can do to improve it in half an hour, that's all - and do that each day and he said it's amazing how much it will be improved and you will feel better too.

I can't stay on long due to the computer malfunctioning but wanted to say hi to everyone... very warm and overcast here today, rather muggy and not the nicest...

Sending hugs all round oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, & everyone.

Well I had a lovely visit with my sister & then a very enjoyable lunch/afternoon catching up with old friends... it has been a very long day though...

Clearly (despite being away for over 12 hrs) I was not missed by Woofa... he was excited for me to feed him when I walked in... but then rather than joining me in the lounge he has gone to bed in my room...(I won't be far behind him)... I think I'm in his bad books.

Keeping fingers crossed that this will post as I have managed to get my laptop running again up to a point & am on it typing this

Hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely Pawsy 🐾 and all other lovelies including readers 👋

Yay caught up.

Hun you're amazing managing to start cleaning up. Good thoughts who said I think it was you Hannah hi darl 👋 that maybe a good you didnt go cause its motivated you to start cleaning up.

I also think you poor love with back/hip pain that both alone are enough reason to not have motivation let alone it sounds in your life you've had abhorrent treatment from people ... giving you amazing but I'm not one to skite...much 😄 (laugh) warmth and healing in long loving 🤗 hugs.

Loven you made a start. I think clutter creates clutter, same as cleaning has a positive effect tho you poor love having the clean house ptsd going on to bad thoughts.

If you can work on... whenever you get a bad thought which is happening thanks to beastys rot don't accept it as true. Think further. Challenge it gently by commending yourself for what you've achieved and importantly the reason you WANT to clean. The more you reiterate like anything repetition being a good learning tool.

Pawsy maybe you could email the organiser and your call if you wanted to say you have mh troubles that you're working through that makes it difficult etc, alternatively tell them in the future you might be able to get to meet people.

Katy hi lovey ☺ (smile emoji) made a valid point too as all the posts here but oops it's gone on walkabout but I agree with it.

You have good support here hun which you're deserving of because of the really nice caring capable person you are. Great humour and you make a lot of sense. Appreciate you and your friendship hun thx (thanks) 🤗

Love care and thoughts.

Btw was thinking it wouldnt hurt to have a bit of a break tho I know your back/hip was ok. Maybe you could plan your next stage. Baby steps are definately the better easier way around this. Powers yours ⚘🌱 (Rose & new plant = new beginnings)

Laters lovelies. Good days