Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

That's ok... I'm just going to try what I can... I didn't see the kittens at all today whenever I went out to check on them, but it was very chilly here today so they may have just been staying in their hidey hole keeping warm... yesterday I was going out for an hour at a time... then coming away for an hour...  they got more adventurous at coming near me as long as I stayed still... I will keep trying as long as they are here. 

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hey, how goes it, Paws & Woofa?

Weather around my place is a little milder, but that may not last into Easter.

I had a lovely meal with salmon last night. & a rather cheesey red capsicum very shallow fried onion lettuce sandwich for lunch. I want to do some potatoes & veg for dinner. Carrot & beans, & some cucumber so I don't let it go off.

I know I made a bit of a mess at lunchtime, so I will clean the counter & do a few dishes before preparing my dinner. Beter get onto it, or it will be getting later than I would like.

Hugzies

mmMekitty. 

[Trying_to_fail_better]

Dear paw prints,

I'd like to thank you for this post and the reflection it prompted. I've been worrying a lot lately about what being well means for me or if it's even possible. After 2 years of hard work I got to a point where I genuinely thought life couldn't get any better for me because I'd never believed I could be as happy and comfortable with myself as I was. A few months later after deciding make my very ambitious dream a reality it feels like I've taken a massive step back, far enough that I questioned if any of the initial recovery effort was worth it. I've since accepted that my mental health journey will likely be lifelong, with the level of support I need changing as my life does. The thing I can still cling to as evidence I am better is that I still think I'm worth the effort getting well takes. I still have a lot of fears and core beliefs that no longer serve me, I don't know that I'll ever be truly free of them. I do know that the biggest fear I have now is giving up on myself. I hope somewhere along the way you decided you were worth it too, sticking around despite how incredibly hard existing can be is a testament to that. Regardless of whether or not the journey has an end, I'm glad we're on it together.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Trying to fail better,

Welcome... sorry I didn't get back to you earlier... one thing I've learnt since being on the forums is that for so many of us the journey is not a straight line & it can be a lifelong one, but that the important thing is we keep trying & recognise we are worth it how ever hard it might be... I'm taking small steps at the moment as I've found for me sometimes giving myself a chance to achieve something, however small, can help me want to keep trying...

I've found the support & friendships on bb have been a big part of giving me the oomph to keep trying whenever I'm down... it is a very supportive space.. you can start your own discussion to have somewhere for people to support or just chat with you... of course you are always welcome here... do look around the forums... there are also some more light hearted discussions like the BB Cafe or any of the games... 

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

You are good with your healthy eating... I haven't had fresh salmon in years... fresh fish is hard to get out here in the sticks... I wish I could say my eating was even close to being consistently healthy... but you do inspire me to try to do better... like last week where I had a healthy salad sandwich every day... 

I haven't seen any sign of the kittens since I last posted & Woofa would have let me know if he saw them... I'm guessing the mother cat came back & took them away... it's silly but I've been worrying if they are ok... 

The weather has turned cool here too, especially the nights... the temperature plummets as soon as the sun sets. I will have to get Woofa's coat out soon.

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello Trying_to_fail_better,  Paws & Woofa

I've had a rainstorm with thunder last night, & a windy day which made the sky crystal clear blue enough to be annoying to my eyes. My glasses filter out a lot of the vivid blue & violet, so that's okay.

Paws, when I found & had to let the little black kitten go with the vet, I worried, wondering if I'd made a mistake, wondering if I could have kept her, or if she would not find a safe & friendly home, for weeks after.I still think of her sometimes & wish I could know.

*

Trying_to_fail_better & Paws, (okay, Woofie, you can hear this too., just stop poking your nose in my ear.)

I have gradually realised that this journey, life, or our mental health journey, or our journey to success, or through achieving dreams & goals, can be very up & down, can be long, maybe lifelong indeed.

We all learn a heck of a lot along the way, learn many skills for how to cope when faced with similar challenges which arise. I have learned I will cope despite my fears & my still rather fragile sense of my self-worth when others treat me as if I am worth nothing. I am much more aware now of when I need to remind myself, my worth does not depend on what others think.

However, that does not mean I don't appreciate the kind & supportive responses I have had to my posts. I would love if I can say anything which someone else finds useful or helpful in any way towards them treating themselves with more care & compassion. 

Hard work indeed. Anything achieved too easily may be taken for granted. I make a point, sometimes, when I realise I've not been paying attention, to how much I've learned, how I feel now as to how I felt at least 30 years ago when I first began seeing a psychiatrist.

It's amazing, even to be here, is amazing.

Hugzies

mmMekitty who has a dog friendly Easter treat for Woofa, whish has a juicy bone inside!

[mmMekitty]

Oh, Paws, I meant to also say, the salmon I have is a kg bag of frozen from Coles. The portions are smallish, (that's okay), have skin on, (I've figured out how to let the salmon thaw a little & then remove the skin & fry it seperately, first. It's a treat while cooking the rest of my meal.

The thing is it doesn't cost as much as the fresh salmon anyway.

[Paw Prints]

Hello everyone,

I read an article on the BBC news website today which was about one way to change our thinking for the better... apparently studies have shown if we deal with things whilst using third person thinking we can actually learn to not have our emotions rule our thoughts... it also works when writing things in a diary or journal... it was an interesting article written by a psychiatrist.

Paws needs to change her thinking & her doing... today has rubbed in how unfit she is... a certain four legged member of the house had an accident & wet the bed earlier this week... not one of his numerous beds... no... it was Paws bed that was drowned... so I've been sleeping on the sofa while the bed has been scrubbed & aired... I stripped the bed & have been washing everything all week... of course its been raining all week & today was the first  dry day that I could wash the quilt & mattress protectors as they don't fit in my dryer...to top the week off the smoke alarm went off at 3am this morning... grrrrr

I have been spending far more time on facebook since I discovered some silly/fun groups... I never imagined that "bathtubs in fields appreciation group" would be a thing... it is & has thousands of people from all over the world on it... there is also a "gate appreciation group"... the two seem to have the same people on both & the posts & comments are all fun without any nastiness... 

mmMekitty Woofa says ta muchly for the easter treat... 

hugs

Paws

[quirkywords]

Paws I have always seen a seen the journey  being more about the journey than the destination .  It goes in circles stops  and can be slow.

hello to paws  and everyone . I enjoyed catching up on this thread. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws

I used to work as an education assistant, often with children with autism. They would often, sometimes exclusively, refer to themselves in the third person. I think it can happen when dissociation occurs as a self-protection mechanism, kind of like leaving your own mind-body and seeing it from the outside. But using it as a conscious strategy sounds like a deliberate way of employing the same process. I can see how it gives a different perspective when you do it. It kind of removes the ego and you see yourself differently in relation to everything around you. It's very interesting.

So sorry you are dealing with the accident from the 4-legged member of the household. It's such a lot of work to deal with the aftermath!

The 'bathtubs in fields appreciation group' reminds me of when I went camping with a friend many years ago on a property of someone she knew. The owner was a lovely man. He showed us where the toilet was that we could use not far from where our tent was pitched. He built it himself in a field. So not inside a building but out in the open air. While there was some vegetation around it you were still pretty exposed while using it. It was quite amusing really. I imagine having a bath in a field would be very relaxing.

Best wishes,

ER