Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Everyone,

Well for the first time since I moved here I think I may have found a doctor who is actually interested in my health rather than  just getting through as many patients as possible in a day... I'm not going to get my hopes up though... it may have been because yesterday was a public holiday & so she didn't have as many patients to get through, that she actually bothered to take my blood pressure, discuss my meds etc... plus it seems most doctors here don't stay more than a year.

I also popped into Woolies while I was in big town... they have easter eggs on sale!!!!!!!!!!  Jan 26th!!!!! at this rate I wonder how long it will be until they just sell them year round... 🙄🙄

I was motivated on Wednesday to do a load of washing... simple thing to do... however it means I now have a mystery to solve... 🤔

ok to set the scene... top load washing machine...  dial to select low (1/3 fill with water), regular (3/4 fill) or maxi (full fill)... separate dial to turn to select wash type... pull second dial out to activate/ push in to stop wash... last wash I did was just a few things so low water wash... dial reached end of cycle & emptied machine & turned off... plus I pushed dial in as well... so imagine my surprise when I lifted the lid of the machine on Wednesday & discovered it was full of water... despite being turned off... no idea how or when it happened... no idea how when the water setting was low it still managed to fill to full... if it had just been a water leak I would think it would have just filled & then overflowed... I've checked it today... still empty... so mystery remains

Quiet day today... 

Hugs

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hi Paws,

Sometimes machinery is a mystery to me! I vacuumed yesterday and decided against becoming annoyed like usual when trying to change over the bag. I would not fight the darn thing into releasing the full vacuum bag and have left it there to tackle later. Sometimes the bag comes out okay, then I can't replace it with a new bag!

Hope you get on okay with this new Dr and the care you received continues. I am impressed by the Dr I am seeing at present...only issue is sometimes the appointments are cancelled and I have to wait another month for the next appointment!

I'm trying to work on my mental health. I did some research yesterday on Google regarding panic attacks and found some really helpful strategies and ideas on what to do when experiencing a panic attack. I wrote down notes and hope I remember the ideas next time an attack happens.

I need to move my own goal posts when it comes to assisting myself more. I follow the Australian Football League where there are 4 goal posts involved. Plenty of scope there to score, even if it is a point. Games can be won by one point!

I'm going to recognise my achievements, look for new strategies and idea, consider how to revise old methods that have worked in the past and move forward! Even if I do have to kick back wards now and then or miss the goal altogether, the thing is to keep trying!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools, wave to all.

I gave up on battling the dreaded bag change that went on with my old vac & a few years ago I bought a cheap bagless vac.... it actually works well & I like how easy it is to empty.

I love how pro-active you are being with trying to improve your mental health... I wonder if perhaps you might find it useful to buy yourself a little hardcover note book (phone size or smaller) & write in it the coping tips you want to have too hand... in the beginning it can be so hard trying to remember them when you actually need them that having something you can grab to refer too might make it easier... (or if you are more tech minded than me you might be able to put the notes on your phone rather than needing a notebook)

I'm working on trying to do some housework (however small) each day... I'm not even at the stage where I might score a point, I'm simply trying to keep the ball down my end of the field... I have actually made it over a week without missing a day so far... even if some of things were very small I'm still counting them as that is better than nothing & I'm finding that sometimes starting with the small thing can result in me doing a bit more. I'm not aiming at having an immaculate house I just want to be able to keep it at a level where I won't be mortified if someone visits... & more importantly to be able to do the housework without it triggering me.

Hugs

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hi Paws,

Great idea about the notebook for jotting down idea. I am actually using a book and have big headings at the top of the page for easier access to the information I am looking for. A small note book with key points owuld work well also.

Even though our relationship is interesting, my husband whom I share a house with is able to get the vacuum cleaner bag out of the machine in two seconds! I just left the vacuum out with the clean bag on top and he fixed the issue when he was ready. 

Congratulations on your housework scheme, sounds wonderful, appreciate the job you have been able to achieve, celebrate that and the mind thinks, hey, this is excellent! Maybe I can do something else and find a great sense of achievement. Encouraging ourselves goes a long way.

Today I approached my "goal posts" with bravado. I went to a noisy cafe by myself as I really wanted one of their orange flavoured coffee/hot chocolate combo. Usually I run from noisy places. 

Recently I read a self help message that explained a way to listen to noises where I recognise the noise but don't class it as being annoying, frustrating or possibly pleasant, but just as a noise. A type of acceptance exercise. It helped. I managed to sit there for an hour without wanting to flee. 

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Dools

Look at you two, doing so well, even when I am not here! 

But now I am & want to give you hugzies & points, gold stars & all.

I was taught to look at my emotions, like the sounds, just identify & let them be. No judgements about them. Just let them be emotions without dumping judgements onto them or myself either.

I would like to do that with some sounds I hear. When I can identify what the cause of the sound is, how it's produced, it's okay. I often, (not all the time) can pretty much dismiss the sounds.

Some bother me very much more & I still cannot treat them with indifference no matter that I know what their source.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Paws. (Hugzies)  I think you are doing wonderfully well with the housework. A full week - that's a point each day! Doing more than you originally thought - another point for each & every time!

You are being so hard on yourself, dear Paws, just like me.

I think whatever housework you succeed to do, is worth points, & triple if you do some while triggered!  I know how hard that is to do.

When you said about wanting your place to be clean & tidy enough to not feel mortified if someone was to come to your door: I've been there, too. I have pretended not to be home, because of the state my place was in. My shame & humiliation were so strong, I felt I had to hide. I was threatened with eviction before I finally sought help. That really was the worst moment of all.

Then I had to have people in to clean up, remove rubbish, etc. Then I had to see about getting help to keep myself from making the place so terrible again, to work out how I was going to get my rubbish out myself. I had to tell my Psychiatrist about it.

Then I moved into another unit. That helped too. I didn't have so far to carry my rubbish to the bins.

I still keep too many things, beyond when they are useful. Still have some to sort out & get rid of.

Now, years later, I don't fear someone coming to my door because of how my place looks. Sometimes I feel embarrassed, if I haven't got the kitchen counter clear of dishes. I know it's often because I've been in pain, & so have left them until morning, when my pain is not so bad.

& I don't have to justify myself to anyone around here. The landlord (gov) might have words, & remind me of my lease. If I get into a mess, I now know where to get help too. Doing that won't be terrible either.

I like the bagless vacs. Much easier.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools, mmMekitty. 

Dools you should be so proud of yourself for staying in the noisy cafe... managing to last a whole hour without wanting to flee is sooo impressive.. I would struggle just to walk into such a place by myself... I hope the orange coffee/choc combo was as delicious as you were hoping it would be...

This arvo I spent a lovely half hour or so watching a family of fairy wrens enjoying my bird bath... I'm pretty sure the adults were showing the young ones how to use it safely (keeping a watch for predators)... I watched them the other day & it appeared the adults were teaching them how to hunt for insects... the young ones caught onto the bird bath much quicker than the hunting skills which look like they will need a few more lessons of. 

mmMekitty thank you for the gold star & the hugzies... I've been afraid I wouldn't last the first week... so I'm feeling encouraged I've got this far.

Well I'm off to wash all the glasses I've used over the last few days... before I run out of today

Hugs

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty, Paws and All reading,

Lately I have been looking in a book which mentions habits, the good and the bad. I found the word BAD a bit overwhelming and have changed it to unhelpful. It hads made me realise how habits form and how they can be changed.

I also realise that in times of pain, distress, anxiousness and just down right miserable mental health days it is not always easy to change habits and behaviours.

I applaud you both for being aware of your experiencing and for wanting to make changes, even a small step can be a huge effort.

Yesterday was my first day back at work for a while. I had myself in a dreadful state Friday thinking about it. I tried some positive affirmations yesterday. My day was busy. Stuff went wrong but I survived.

For some reason I have trouble seeing the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts, to my mind that are all the same thing. I feel depressed. I think I am depressed. My emotions tell me I am depressed. So I am working on trying to acknowledge that and find something to be thankful for.

Little steps of change when possible!

Wishing everyone a day where you kick some goals, even if the ball is only just dribbling in!

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws, Dools & everyone.

I think you are onto something, Dools, about how we label 'good' & 'bad'. Changing how we describe things can have a huge effect. Changing 'bad' to 'unhelpful' is a great move. I try to do that too. 

I've been slowly realising the changes I've made since I began delving into my mental health & geginning this journey back in 1993, is it has been all about small steps, many so small I didn't notice my progress. Occasionally I'd have some bigger moment, like a revelation, which was very obvious. But most of the time, I wonder what it was that caused the change I might realise days, weeks or months later. Even when I thought I was stuck, sitting still & that nothing was getting me anywhere, I think there were things going on, very subtle processes taking place. If not, how would I be here now?

Yeah, sometimes, I guess we dribble the ball a short distance - we can reassure ourselves, the ball has moved towards the goal, even though. looking ahead, there seems a long, long way to go.

For myself, since I'm not convinced the journey has a fixed goal, it never ends, can change & I have a life of movement & discovery ahead.

Hugzies to you all!

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools, mmMeKitty, wave to all,

Dools well done getting through the day at work. especially after struggling with the thought of it the day before... I hope this Saturday went better for you.... I've been enjoying reading along with your & Eagle's posts about your walks... I do think you very brave taking the sheet to sit on... I would be paranoid about having an uninvited snake joining me if I sat still for any length of time on the ground...

I haven't done so well this week with doing things... I don't know if it was the heat, but I was so tired that I needed to sleep for  18+ hours every day... even when I was up I just lacked any oomph... after a scorcher total fire ban day on Friday, a cool change swept through late yesterday & I've felt awake enough to stay up all night & I'm still not tired yet... so I will be aiming to get something useful done today... A few cool days in a row to look forward to.

I would like to know what makes the inside of my house so attractive to wildlife... today it was a tiny frog... really hard to catch as I was worried about squishing it... luckily I didn't have Woofa "helping" so I did finally manage to get it back outside safely.

mmMekitty I read an very informative article on the ABC news site you might be interested in... it was about how our bodies have a set weight point & how healthy eating can reset it... it explained why there is more than the dopamine/endorphins making us crave yummy food, how changing our eating changes how our bodies process food & lots more science based info... you can actually read the full article on The Conversation Australia, just scroll down.

Hugs

Paws