Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all

Wouldn't it be nice if we could explain things to our furs... the poor little thing will take time to settle.

Until I moved here I also thought yabbies only lived in creeks & dams... when I first moved here I was concerned that they may have been the entrance to wasp nests... I was very relieved when my builder told me they were built by yabbies

I know it might not be much for some people but I'm very pleased with myself that I rang the company that collects my rubbish instead of my usual "can't ring/don't want to bother" etc... the poor chap sounded very stressed... his truck has broken down so it may be a few days yet until the bins are emptied... of course being me I'm now going to worry about the bin blowing over or animals getting at it & my rubbish being scattered all down the road...

I wish my neighbour would go back to cattle instead of the sheep... the cattle were fun to watch... my Grandpa ran sheep... sheep are boring as they don't do anything except eat (ok lambs are fun but there aren't any)... even Woofa doesn't think much of them... they don't interact with him the way the cattle did... 

It looks like storm clouds brewing here... I hope everyone is staying warm & dry

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws, found you again after all. I think I' need to note that this is in Caring for myself & others - Staying Well.

Looks like BB has decided to restrict who has access to the profiles of other users. Please, see Sophie_M's statement in 'How can we improve the Forums'. 

I was simply going to ask individuals for permission. if they didn't tanswer or say no, then I would not go to their profile page.

I don't mind at all if people go to my profile - but realise I might feel differently in years to come. I realise it would be more difficult for people who've been here a long time & have moved on from their earliest posts.

Good for you, phoning like you did. I get nervous & feel some trepidation when I have to ask why things areen't done when expected, like when I have to follow up on a message I left for someone to respond to, & they don't, (like 99% of the time), or if I have a complaint, anything like that. For some of us, it's not easy to ask for what we need.

I thought people catch, cook & eat yabbies... well, I've never done it, so there could be more to it than that. I'm sure I heard of it, & having mudcrabs too... ? I'm almost sure. 😼

I wouldn't mind cows at a distance. Sheep do tend to be less noisy. Full grown cows would be too big for my comfort. I feel fearful of bigger animals, even though little animals can cause considerable harm too. But at a distance, with good fencing, they become part of the general enviroment, like the magpies & crows around here.

Before I get to know big dogs, they are scary too. But I have known a few, & they are jolly nice dogs.

I had a friend who had this huge dog, who acted like a little puppy, sweet as, too. But she wasn't well-trained. While she didn't sit on me, but beside me, & her head was level with mine, she gave me one sloppy kiss, swiping half my face with her tongue in one go!

She & her littlest dog, a Maltese Terrier cross, small enough for snack if the big dog so desired, played well together. They were hilarious how they would come & go at each other.

Woofa does sound wonderful & can sit on me anytime. I wil gently scratch behind ears, give back rubs & play with wagging tail.

❤️s

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, 

Yes people do catch & eat yabbies... I remember growing up whenever we visited the relations who had farms... the boys would always head out to the dam to catch yabbies or eels... I didn't eat either but everyone else seemed to like them... the type of yabbie that live under ground don't grow big enough to make a meal only  the ones in dams or waterways do. They are easy to catch... we just used a piece of string with a small bit of meat tied on the end... I didn't mind catching yabbies but literally ran a mile away when they were catching eels.

I had to chuckle at your impromptu face wash... that was one of the reasons I taught Woofa no licking people...  unfortunately he still hasn't learnt that after having a big drink it's not polite to then rest his big boof head on people while all the excess water escapes his big floppy Great Dane jowls... it's amazing just how big a wet patch it can leave...

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

I'm surprised to find myself in tears at the news of the passing of the Queen... A definite feeling of loss

May she rest in peace

Hugs to everyone feeling the same

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

I've come here briefly and saw your post Paws - I heard the Queen was ill last night and woke this morning to the headlines of her death - such a great lady and what a loss. I really can't imagine her not there any more. Great Britain is going through tough times and this will be very sad news, I think she was a great support to her people there and in the Commonwealth.

I can't quite imagine her not being there any more. Such an amazing woman. I think she has been looking frail since Prince Philip died, but she must have had a sudden stroke or heart attack I think.

I'm reading the guardian and Sydney morning Herald online.... Such a sad day.

❤️

[Hanna3]

I was upset at the news too Paws. I've heard there are crowds outside Buckingham Palace even though the Queen was at Balmoral - I think people seek out company at times like this.

I've had a major family issue to deal with and I'm only BB in fits and starts now, I find it can drag me down a bit... And these new forums are so tiresome to try to navigate. I will keep in touch though. Hugs. 💝💐🐕💞

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, I have posted to you on my thread by mistake I am sorry - I hope all is well there.  Sorry for writing it on my thread!!!! hugs.

[Hanna3]

Hi again Paws and everyone,

Paws I was chatting with an old friend the other day who is older than me and lives alone - we were saying how much harder it is as we get older as there is no other person there to help with say, carrying heavy groceries and unpacking them, or helping with the car, or the housework - nobody to make us a cup of tea..  it's really tough.

We are also hitting that age where everyone keeps talking about their grandchildren and we don't have them to talk about - it's a real pain sometimes!  

Have you come across this kind of issue yourself at all?  It has resulted in a bit of a riff between me and a friend elsewhere who only talks about the grandkids I have never seen... on and on... I can take it for a while, but when I have never seen them, it gets draining.  

The joys of single life... hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hannah,

I don't know how old your friend is but most councils have support services for their elderly residents that include helping with shopping, housework or even with meals... some charities, volunteer organizations also offer help with these things... even just a regular home visit... I guess what is available depends on where we live & what age restrictions they have... I must confess though it would be nice to have help with things, I don't think I could cope with having someone regularly coming inside my home... 

I don't know if you saw it but there was a brief story on the ABC a few weeks back about a group of older single ladies facing the risk of homelessness... 3 who got together & through a social housing association... had a group house built which consisted of each getting a bedroom, bathroom & small sitting area & a communal kitchen, lounge & gardens all on one block of land... pretty much like 3 separate granny flats linked by the communal area so each still had their own private space. What each had been paying on rent when combined was more than what they needed to pay the mortgage on the new place. I think we need more out of the box ideas like this to help older single women find housing they feel safe in & to help reduce the loneliness many feel.

I guess my friendship group is a bit unusual... most of them never had kids, so no grandkids... the others usually only talk about them if asked... my older sister is probably the only person who talks much about her grandkids... I wonder if when your friend starts talking about her grandkids whether you could broaden the conversation... what I mean is... say she starts talking about them doing xyz at school... you broaden it out to what things that school can provide students... onto discussing the state of education in general... do the same with whatever she mentions abut her grandkids... 

I haven't been into big town yet... I was just getting my scripts etc ready to go tomorrow & I've noticed I need a new script for one of my meds... so I will have to ring the Drs tomorrow & try & get an appointment... fingers crossed I can get into the lady Dr on Wednesday.

Non stop rain today... I hope it is drying up where you are

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone,

It's OK I was just chatting Paws, not looking for help.. I just think it's nice to have a conversation on BB sometimes, sorry if it came across differently.  My friend is well off and can afford gardeners and cleaning services, what we were talking about was a partner there to get a cuppa sometimes, or just help a bit with something that needs doing...  like lifting something heavy from the car to the house, or whatever.

My other friend's only interest is her grandchildren, she has nine of them as her 3 children have had 3 kids each, and she has no interest in schools etc, just what the grandkids are up to and how wonderful they all are!!!  It gets a bit tedious.

That sort of shared accommodation you describe might work with a group of friends who know each other well - but I can imagine disputes over the shared area - who wants television/music/ on or off or loud or soft or whatever.... it would drive me nuts.  I used to take in boarders long ago and that was difficult enough navigating the shared spaces of kitchen/lounge.  I'm sure it does work for some people though.

oxoxox

I hope you got to the shops today.  oxoxox