Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Morning ER,

I did google Duade Paton's pics & there are some lovely shots & not just of birds, the seals though few, were pretty cute too.  The male Red Rumped Parrot has very vivid colours from his photo's.  I definitely haven't seen any males around here, they would be hard to miss.  I looked at one of the photos of the female which showed more blue on the flight feathers & thought, "oh that's not what I saw", but two other pics of the females were a perfect match, so I'm happy with my ID.  

I can actually say "it rained"... proper rain, that lasted more than a few minutes.  Laying in bed listening to rain on my tin roof is such a stress reliever.  I've also had a frog 🐸 in the plants on my back verandah croaking away very happily.  

Lass thank you for the gentle reminder to not let myself have too high an expectation of what I can or even need to do.  You are right, it is easy to be overwhelmed by our own expectations, leading to nothing being done or a hard drop in our mood, neither of which is beneficial.

I'm loving how positive you sound about yourself right now.  Even with you acknowledging your limitations & that you still have a way to go, you are so upbeat talking about every change for the better big or small, that you are sensing in yourself.  I'm truly hoping that every positive thought you have will create a positive feedback loop for you.

You need to get yourself a wildlife camera to see your nocturnal visitors.  You never know there might be a cute little joey stretching it's legs.  Do you only have kangaroos 🦘in your area or are there wallabies about as well?  You suggested I put my camera up in the big shed, but I don't think it would work inside the shed as the night vision needs the ambient light you get at night.  I think my front verandah post may be too far away for seeing small things like bats, 🦇 so I'm thinking of putting my ladder out to hold the camera... how not to reverse into it may be my issue🙄🤣. 

I hope you have a lovely day

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

It’s so nice to have the Red-rumped Parrot visitors. Duade is a favourite photographer of mine and has some great YouTube videos on bird photography. Actually he has a really good one too on photography and mental health. It’s entitled “We Can Only Dream of Conditions Like This!”. He nearly died from a heart attack because of a previously unknown heart condition that he lives with and photography has been his therapy and healing. He had to have a defibrillator surgically implanted that keeps him alive and had a new one put in last year. So he truly appreciates life and every opportunity to be out in nature doing photography. He is such a nice, positive guy. He describes how photography really turned things around for him in another video, "How Nearly Dying Changed My Life".

That is so lovely you have had the proper rain, plus the delight of a frog in your pot plants on the verandah. Water truly is that life giving special thing isn’t it. And it’s so beautiful to hear it on the roof. On a walk yesterday in the woodland across the road I was happy to hear a few frogs in a swampy spot - Quacking Frogs specifically who really do sound like ducks. When it gets wetter a stream runs through this spot. I hope you get more lovely rain soon.

I have often felt overwhelmed with things to do, so I know how it can get you down at times. I am recently finding though I am learning to enjoy each day more and be at peace with what I am able and not able to do within a given day. It does feel lighter and more peaceful that way.

The hormone meds are doing wonders for me. In the last few days my mood has lifted incredibly and I feel much calmer and more grounded and stable. It’s clearly what was driving firstly some unusual symptoms then extremely debilitating anxiety and depression. It’s quite transformative. I’m very sensitive to the hormone meds and the hormone specialist Dr advised keeping at the low dosage given my histamine issues. She said it will build up in my system even on the lower dose. I also seem to be a super absorber and highly sensitive to both lower and higher levels, so going slowly makes sense.

Yes, it would be very interesting to see the night wildlife here. There is apparently a wallaby in these parts called The Western Brush Wallaby but I’ve never seen one. The roos we get are The Western Grey Kangaroos. Ah, yes, it would probably be too dark in your shed. I was thinking if a door was open there might be some ambient light to help the sensor pick something up, but even if it could I’m not sure how well it would work. In terms of getting the camera closer to where there might be micro bats, it's almost like you need some kind of movable post you can position in different spots. Well I just googled "post for affixing night infra red wildlife cam" and some pics have come up of a few options. I'm not sure if any of these would be compatible with your camera?

I hope you are having a lovely day too Paws 🤗 It's peaceful and overcast here.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

The weather gods were very confused today... blue skies with a few small balls of cloud drifting gently.... all sounds normal you say.... yes! but!.... the clouds were a very dark grey & looked just like the ones you see in cartoons that only rain on the head of the character they hover over.... I've been wondering all day if I should keep an eye out for the Wily Coyote or Daffy Duck hunting wabbit.  🐰

The low dose hormones seem to be a perfect fit for you.  What a difference it will make if you find with the low dose that it doesn't aggravate your histamine issues.  I'm keeping everything crossed things keep going in the right direction for you.

The currawong has been back today.  It is even more wary than the tiny wrens when it comes to visiting the birdbath.  It has been hunting in the paddock next door for the past few hours & coming back to my tree by the bird bath between forays.  I'm wondering if it is a youngster just kicked out by its parents & having to find a new territory for itself.  A couple of the rosellas have been using the bath again today too, but most of the flock are still not interested.

I've never heard the Quacking Frogs in real life, you are lucky having them nearby.  Now that the dam is gone I am missing the ducks that used to frequent it, to me ducks quacking is such a happy sound.  

I must give some thought about tea or else it will be bed time before I know it.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I loved your description of the cartoon clouds 😂 I love when the imagination interacts with surroundings like that. Sometimes things are just funny. The friend whose presence I have been feeling used to find so many things funny. So one day I was just walking past this Pacific Gull. But now it's like I am seeing through his eyes, so the Pacific Gull became hilarious because it was very rotund sitting on a rock hoping to get scraps from nearby fishermen. I just started internally laughing at how hilarious it was knowing how funny he would have found it and he would have almost certainly commented on it. I think when we are connected with humour and imagination the world is quite delightful.

I do feel like things are really balancing now with hormones and so far no drastic histamine issues. I think some trauma resolution work is reducing my histamine reactivity. I am kind of teaching my body to respond differently. I am also sleeping soundly through the night now, often 8-10 hours. Before I was getting about 4 hours which was very fragmented. So the difference is very obvious.

It is interesting your Grey Currawong is wary. Certainly the ones around here are. I imagine it is glad to find a water source. It's lovely to observe their behaviour. It could well be the case it is discovering new territory for itself and is checking out your area. You may have a new regular friend.

I agree that ducks quacking is a lovely, happy sound. Ducks really are delightful too. I love it when they have a bath and fluff their feathers, diving into the water and out again then having a good wing flap. I have some photos of water droplets flying off them when they do this. I hope with some more rain maybe you might get some duck visitors.

I have just finished a cup of coffee and I'm about to go and hang out my washing. It looks like it will be a lovely day here after some overnight rain. I am heading to the city tomorrow to look after fluffy cat again for a few days.

I hope it's a lovely day where you are Paws 🌼🦋🌿🐞🦆🐸🐛🌳

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Oh I love the sound of your photos of ducks bathing.  How wonderful to have been able to capture that.  Watching the birds here do that feather fluffing as they bathe is a joy to watch.  Especially when they do the head dunk first & end with the shake it all over.  Did you manage to get a sequence of shots covering the whole bath?  I enjoy seeing sequence photos of things like that.

Your seeing the humour in the rotund gull is a sign of your special connection with your friend.  I think it does add to the joy in our lives when we have that type of connection, especially when it continues without the other person being present.  

After yesterdays warmth today is chilly, my thermometers say it is 13 but it feels much cooler.  So I looked on the bom site & it agrees it is 13, but it says the apparent temp is 7.3 which sounds about right for what it feels like in my house.   The wind outside is blowing straight of Antarctica, I'm glad I'm indoors.  Still trying to decide if I'm feeling cold enough to put my shawl on, my back says yes, the rest of me not so keen.  No rain in the forecast, just a possible shower tomorrow but even that is down as only 0-1mm likely. Then dry for the coming week.

Today has gotten away from me, despite my doing pretty much nothing that I can lay claim to having achieved.  I've dug out of my freezer some chicken pieces in honey soy sauce on skewers that I bought from my general store, so they will be tea.  I just need to decide what to have with them & then cook it all. 

I hope you had an easy run through to the city.  I'm sure Fluffy Cat 😺 will be pleased to see you.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Yes, I do have some sequence shots of ducks bathing. Cameras these days can take fast image bursts and capture a sequence. In fact if you scroll rapidly through the images on the back screen of a camera it can be like watching a video. One thing I’d like to do is time lapse actually and my camera has an intervalometer which enables that.

That does sound quite chilly where you are and a major change from the warmer weather you’ve been having. Here in the city the mornings are cool but it can still be pretty warm during the day. 31 is forecast for today but it’s cool right now. The wattlebirds are very noisy outside at the moment. I can hear some rainbow lorikeets too which are an introduced species here, plus a raven cawing now and then.

I had a lovely time going to my friend’s little girl’s playgroup yesterday. I really enjoy being part of it and helping out there. The little people are gorgeous - each one a special little soul. It’s a very peaceful group run by a wise, lovely lady who is so beautiful with them. I had a snooze with fluffy cat when I got home. Unfortunately I seem to have a bit of a bug, like a virus, which I started to feel last night. So somewhat nauseous and feverish at the moment though it doesn’t feel major.

I hope you enjoyed your honey and soy chicken on skewers. I had the exact same thing for dinner on Monday night. I hope you are enjoying your week Paws. I wonder if you might see some new things on your wildlife cam as the season changes.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Oh lass you had a bug the last time you visited Fluffy Cat... I hope for your sake this time it is just a 24 hour bug you picked up from the littlies at playgroup & you won't have it for your whole stay.  

My new couch arrived today & is currently sitting outside in the dark.  It came in a box & the courier couldn't get it through the door & wasn't willing to wait for me to cut the box off to hopefully gain the approx 3cm needed to get it inside.  I've tried all afternoon, but it is too heavy for me to lift & turn to get it in at the right angle.  The plumber comes sometime tomorrow, I'm hoping he will help.

I'm worried about the nauseous feeling & hoping you can keep fluids down. 

Rest up lass.

Gentle hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Yes, definitely ask the plumber about the couch. Don’t cause yourself any injuries trying to do things on your own (speaking from experience!) I hope it’s at least on the verandah out of the elements. It should have some protection being in the box hopefully.

I was feeling better around lunchtime and went and voted this afternoon as I may not be back in my electorate on time to vote on Saturday. There was quite a queue of others doing early voting. I think the feeling unwell might have been from eating some rice my friend’s little girl had left on Tuesday night. I noticed later she had a bit of a cough and I’m thinking it is just one of those bugs that go through the little ones. I always end up sharing food with them. My friend’s husband is always cooking something up and saying here, here eat this. It’s always something yummy. He can take any vegetable or meat and turn it into something flavoursome.

Just lying down now and resting with Fluffy Cat. She curls up in the cutest ball 🥰 I wish I could send you a photo. The weather here is kind of building up. It didn’t feel like it got to 31. Possible fog in the morning and thunderstorms in the afternoon tomorrow.

 hope tomorrow all is sorted with the plumbing and the couch too. Rest and sleep well Paws 🤗

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

I've not spoken much recently however you two have made up for it - it's great to see two people get on so well.

I too hope your plumber is the helpful type and helps get that couch inside. mine came from City Mission and they had a set day they did deliveries and there were two of them - so no problem.

ER, t sounds like visiting fluffycat is a mixed blessing , wiht a poor physical reaction to the food , and an excellent mental reaction to the feline fluffball, on balance a bargain maybe?

I think Sumo would be offended to be called 'cute', far below his dignity. A description of 'Distinguished' I think he would consent to.

I'm glad you are feeling better and got voting out the way, Mrs C and I went postal and can now forget all about it (except if I turn on the TV:)

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, wave to Croix & Mrs C (of course a sardine or 2 for Sumo Cat 😺on the finest china)

I still have to vote... the only plus is...  it is such a small polling place 2 people waiting is a major queue 

I am envious of your friend's hubby's cooking skills... I am what is called a plain cook as the meals I was taught to cook were mostly in vogue during the Great Depression or during the WWII years & the rationing years that followed.  Curried sausages (boiled in water mixed with curry powder) was considered exotic.  My attempts to be a bit more adventurous with my cooking these days rarely goes well.

The plumber & the sparky (who came just as the plumber finished) very kindly moved the couch inside for me.  And yes I now have hot water... woohoo!!

I'm pleased to hear that Fluffy Cat is keeping up her duties as nurse & chief cheerer uppera.  I hope you have continued to improve today.  You do live dangerously... sharing anything with little people almost guarantees catching something.  I recommend full PPE whenever anywhere near anyone under 25. 🤣🤣  

So many birds about today of all sorts.  I don't think I've seen this much activity before, not even during mating season.  It was lovely seeing some darting & diving after bugs, while others were back & forth between trees & the ground.  A few even had a drink from my birdbath.  Strangely the Magpie Lark was the only one to call, all the others were silent all day.  It was a frosty morning, but the afternoon was mild & sunny.

I see the weather in Perth is meant to be hot over the weekend.  Will you have time to visit the wetlands or the river while you are there?

Hugs 🤗& pats ✋(you know who get which) 😊

Paws