Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

I was told the biopsy results will take about a week, but I suspect slightly longer given Christmas. I’m quite confident the results will be benign. I think the doctor who ordered it did so out of precaution. I think they often prefer to rule something out completely.

Apparently ravens and crows from around the world can sometimes have white feathers due to what is called leucism - a lack of melanin in part of the plumage. This is the second time I’ve seen it and it was just a few feathers. They truly are intelligent and amazing birds. I know in many cultures they are viewed as a trickster archetype because of their clever mischief. Croix, that’s so interesting about the Tower of London ravens. Paws, with your love of ravens I imagine you might enjoy the Beafeater’s job of looking after them. I think I would like a job where I get to form a relationship with birds or other animals like that.

Croix, that’s an amazing experience to have seen the snow white hawk. It does indeed seem like a sign. I have had quite a few experiences where a creature of some kind has felt like a loved one who’s passed or a messenger. It’s a special experience.

Paws, it was lovely you visited your neighbour and gave her company when her memory was in decline. It sounds like she remained quite positive, enjoying visitors. My elderly friend seems to drift in and out of lucidity, sometimes becoming confused but later being sharp as a tack again. I was struck by the humour among the residents and how they manage their day with a sense of fun and mischief. It seems to be a good place as far as nursing homes go. I was told one lady there is 102!

Thank you, I really do feel positive. Croix, that’s very much the case that I can feel my psyche repairing. At the moment everything seems in flow. If I think of something I need and walk into a shop I find it right away, such as a nice card for a relative I’m visiting tomorrow or some props I wanted to find for some still life photography ideas. It’s like I have the thought and there it is. I feel like by forming clear boundaries and prioritising myself for a change, everything now just seems to work and be in a flow state.

Paws, I’m glad you aren’t right near the current big fires and that the one that’s been burning a few weeks is under control. Both Sunday and Monday here are forecast to be 41 now. It’s often on these very hot days that fires spring up. I’m leaving on Monday and thinking about stopping somewhere half way again. I’ll be on the lookout for any fire activity in such hot weather.

Paws, I hope you’re feeling better now after your couple of rough days. I hope the weather cools off a bit too. I hope you are both having a peaceful evening.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

Croix the ravens at the tower were one of the reasons it was on my must revisit list on all of my trips to the UK.  They were hard to spot as roamed freely. The history of why they were there was interesting, but I was more interested in how they were cared for & how that had changed over time, even between my first & last visit.

How wonderful to have had a white hawk appear & greet Mrs Croix when she arrived at her new home, it definitely was a lovely sign of welcome for her.

ER I wish I could say my old neighbour stayed positive throughout her decline, but unfortunately as it is with this disease over the years her lucidity decreased & her mood changes & confusion increased & became increasingly erratic.  Thankfully she remained a gentle soul as had been her nature for all the many years I knew her, I know of others whose personality changed completely.  

I'm glad you are spending a few days in town rather than rushing back, though I wish the weather was going to be nicer & more suited for you to be out in.

It's a complete change of pace weather wise here today, it is in the teens right now with a strong cool southerly.  The only days forecast to be hot over the coming week are Xmas day & Boxing day the rest hopefully will stay in the teens or low 20s.

After tossing all Thursday night without much sleep I decided to lay down for a nap at about 3pm yesterday & woke at 4am this morning.  I then managed to sleep until 10am.  I think between four & ten I must not have moved as I've gotten up to a stiff neck.  

Thankyou I have been feeling brighter as this past week has gone.  I dreamt about some old unresolved issues with my late sister on Wednesday night & was able to find some closure with them over Thursday (a big part of my tossing rather than sleeping Thursday night).  

ER I hope you manage to get out & about before the heat of the day kicks in during your stay.  

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

I’m glad you had that feeling of finding some closure in relation issues relating to your sister. I’ve often found there is a period of tumultuousness just before a new stage of acceptance, resolution or growth. It’s like our psyche is trying to sort it out and gets more frenetic just before things settle and a new balance is achieved. I hope you feel a bit better for the closure and more at peace.

The weather in Victoria certainly has big extremes at the moment. I was reading about the possibility of snow on the alps followed by fire risk conditions, with basically cold and hot fronts coming through. I’m enjoying the cool of the morning at the moment here before it heats up. I just made a cooked breakfast and I’m now drinking coffee while looking out to beautiful trees. The place I’m staying is absolutely lovely. It’s a detached room/unit next to the house of a really lovely family. As it’s surrounded by trees and I have the windows open all night it’s like sleeping in and waking up to a forest.

Paws, I feel for the decline of your friend and I do have concerns for my elderly friend in care as I have seen the confusion developing in her at times. Overall she seems happy but I think when lucidity goes and everything becomes confusing for them it can be distressing for both the person themselves and those around them. But I think if they have people with a steady, calming presence around them it helps. That core feeling of being loved and safe is the most important thing. I’m sure you were a wonderful support to your friend. 

Yesterday I spent time with my friend and her little girl and mother and also a bit of time with fluffy cat. It was lovely to see them. The day before I caught up with an aunty which was also lovely. She is not a blood relative but is the former wife of one of my dad’s brothers. She is so understanding towards me and I cannot even begin to put a value on that, just to be seen by another person. She realises I’m very much on my own and genuinely cares and I’m getting a bit tearful even writing this. She’s elderly now and in a retirement village where she will move to the nursing home section once her capacity to stay in her unit is no longer there. She gave me two warm hugs and said she loved me. My mum just could not express in those kinds of ways and instead looked to me to comfort her, so have someone express those things to me means so much.

Weirdly I’m almost enjoying the heat here. Perth heat is generally dry heat. It’s kind of reminding me of summer as an experience as these conditions don’t really happen on my town. For example, it’s 41 here today while it’s 25 in my town. I’m having memories come back from childhood of Perth summers. While up here I have driven through several suburbs I used to live in and really enjoyed the reminiscences of times past. I was driving through one of them at nightfall on Friday when I saw Santa on a bicycle 😂 He waved to me and I waved back.

Well I hope it’s a lovely day for you Paws and you too Croix.

Big hugs,

ER