Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I’ve just finished an epic wash up of the dishes which built up in the last two days as I have been so preoccupied with processing photo images. I’m quite sure I have ADHD because of my capacity to hyper focus on a single task for a long time to the exclusion of everything else. I just thought you would like to know the magpies have been singing to the moon here for the last couple of hours. It is something I have noticed many times in the past, that they like to sing in moonlight.

I didn’t actually photograph the orchids yesterday as I decided to walk without my camera. But I have photos of the same kinds of orchids from previous years in that location. I did notice lots of animal diggings in the soil yesterday, possibly bandicoots who play an important role in aerating the soil digging about with their nose. Yes, snake aversion is important with furry companions. I think that’s the main worry, pets and small children who may try to interact with a snake and not understand the danger. When I’ve seen a snake on a path and then someone walking their dog a bit further along, I always let them know to try to prevent any unwanted dog and snake interactions.

The pot of stew sounds yummy. I cook a fair bit but they tend to be things I can do simply and I often repeat the same 3 or 4 meals over and over. I too would go to much more effort in the past when I’ve had others to cook for. In my early 20s I was super keen on cooking and trying new recipes all the time. I’d love to have that same passion for it again, but it feels just more perfunctory now. I’ve also developed several food allergies, gluten sensitivity, salicylate sensitivity and histamine intolerance. It’s narrowed me down to very few options. I’m an eternal optimist and hoping to find ways to overcome some of these food intolerances.

My foray into the sun today only involved travelling to the washing line. I wasn’t feeling quite well enough to walk today but I could see it was beautiful - very still and sunny. It would have been perfect for swimming. Tomorrow looks lovely too before some rain and colder weather returns. I’m so glad you are getting more rain and things are looking greener.

It is the full moon in two days. I was wondering do you get magpies who warble in moonlight too? I did notice a distinctively different dialect among Victorian magpies when I was there.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

No the magpies here don't warble at the moon & I never heard them doing so where I used to live either.  They always start singing just before dawn though.  Maybe singing to the moon is a trait specific to WA magpies, a lot of behaviours are learnt with birds as are their songs.  What a fascinating thing for you to have noticed.  

Focussing on one thing for a long time to the exclusion of doing anything else is something I often do.  I've always put it down to a form of procrastination/avoidance on my part, especially as it is never doing things that need doing that holds my attention that way.  Plus I find myself doing it when my stress levels are high.

Oh lass, it must be so hard for you to just find foods you can eat, I'm not surprised you no longer enjoy cooking as you used to.   Are you able to use different spices or do such things cause you difficulties as well?  Spices at least enable the same basic ingredients to taste completely different & add some variety that way.  

Every time you mention the bandicoots in your area I get so envious.  Even just seeing the signs they are there would make me happy.  

Enjoy your sunshine

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I grew up listening to the magpies warbling in moonlight in Perth. Perhaps it is a WA thing. They are warbling tonight as well with strong moonlight out there and an almost full moon. I have my window open and I can hear frogs down at the river as well. I went for a walk in the late afternoon in the woodland across the road. There are still a couple of streams babbling away in there. It is so restful and lovely to hear the sound of babbling brooks and I stopped to listen to the sound while there. It has been a glorious day here with calm and beautiful weather.

I used to think my hyper focussing might be procrastination, but it is pretty extreme in my case so the more I've reflected on it over time it seems ADHD-ish. When I used to write songs I would play my guitar and sing for hours at a time as I worked on them. I remember one day going for 10 hours straight with just half an hour for lunch. Today I spent hours photo processing and got through a lot. What I have found helps me with mundane tasks such as doing the dishes and cooking is listening to a podcast, often on photography in particular, which allows me to continue my hyper focusing while doing these ordinary tasks. I am so driven in relation to what I'm interested in. It is interesting you mentioning the hyper focus in relation to stress levels. I think for me it stems from early life stress and it is a way of self-soothing. Gabor Mate, who has a book on ADHD called Scattered Minds and is diagnosed with it himself, views ADHD as a trauma response of tuning out from that which is difficult or traumatic. He believes his own ADHD stems from early trauma. The hyper focussing is a way of tuning out in order to cope. So the intense focus allows the tuning out of everything else. He realised he really needed help when he couldn't stop browsing CDs in a music store for long periods of time which was an obsessive behaviour of his, and on one particular occasion he was supposed to be delivering a baby (he's a doctor) but was so absorbed in the music store he failed to be there. He got diagnosed and went on medication, though I think he is no longer on meds now and has been working through his trauma issues and approaching it from a different angle.

The food situation for me is quite frustrating. I can have some spices but not all, as some are yet another trigger for histamine intolerance. Tonight I really enjoyed the chicken soup I had for dinner, but then had two hours of a relentless post nasal drip and strong histamine reactivity. As usual, I could not keep all of the meal down. It's calmed down now and so I feel so much better. It has just become part of life at the moment. At times I feel I'm almost becoming malnourished because I'm just not retaining food. I will keep working on a solution though. As usually happens, I feel much more optimistic already with the symptoms subsiding and I know I'll find a solution. Again that's where my intense hyper focus comes in handy as I'll research something with extreme thoroughness and persistence until I find answers.

Paws, I reckon you could have bandicoots but just haven't seen them yet. The Southern Brown Bandicoot that is found here is also found in Victoria. The name given here is Quenda which is the Noongar name. I am wondering if you may see one on your wildlife cam. I saw one a few days ago hopping through the bush when I accidentally gave it a fright. If you are still, they will sometimes come right up to you and give you a sniff. They are found in some urban bushland areas of Perth, including spots where you would think there might not be enough bush to sustain them. I've seen them in bushland right next to the coast, the Perth Hills and around some of the lakes on the Swan Coastal Plain. And of course down here too. I hope you may see one.

I'm rabbiting away here (or bandicooting away -ha ha!). I'm wondering if it is the bright moonlight!

I will get ready for bed now and resist the temptation to do more photo editing. I hope you have a lovely sleep and a good day tomorrow.

Take care and warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Unfortunately I haven't been able to hear any frogs despite the showers & rain over the past week.  I think there will need to be far more moisture in the environment before I hear them here again.  Despite everything starting to look green this area is still suffering from abnormally low rainfall.  I do agree that the sound of water in the landscape is very relaxing.  

I'm wondering do you have any nutritionists or dieticians who can help you try to navigate your way through your dietary issues. Perhaps you would find it helpful having some support rather than trying to cope all alone?  Though I guess as with so many health professionals finding one who listens to your lived experience may take some or even a lot of trial & error, especially as not living in the city they are probably in short supply.  It must take so much out of you, not just having these health issues, but having to try & self manage them.

Your hyper focusing as a way of dealing with early life stresses makes a lot of sense to me.  I can understand you finding it self soothing.  I regularly need the repetition & familiarity of an activity to be able to settle myself.  I'm sure with the skills you have gained having to research & self advocate that you are probably correct in your view that your behaviour is linked to ADHD.  I don't think mine fits that paradigm.  Just a side thought... do you find it helps with your physical health too?   I ask, as you now have me wondering if it might have a type of placebo effect & block your awareness of any discomfort whilst you are so focussed?

I would love to see a bandicoot.  Actually I will be happy to see anything once I get the camera set up.  Still waiting for the memory card to arrive.  

I chuckled at bandicooting away... 

Enjoy the harvest moon

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I was hoping you might hear some frogs with the recent rains but it does seem to be that so many areas are drier than normal. Today I went on a short forest walk about a 10 minute drive from my home. It's a walk I know well from years before I lived in this area. It was quite a shock as there was literally about 10% of the usual wildflower display in this area for this time of year. The shrubs that used to line the path that produce yellow pea flowers each spring are all dead throughout the understory. So you can see right through the forest now where there used to be dense foliage. Not surprisingly, there were very few of the small birds that you usually see in this undergrowth. I did not see any fairywrens at all which is unusual. I think there will be some recovery in time but it's becoming very obvious that certain species cannot adapt to the rate of climate change. I am seeing things in the landscape I've never seen happen before. One exciting find today were what I think were some tiny rabbit orchids growing on a fallen mossy log. It is a log that has always had lovely mosses on it in winter, but it's the first time I've seen orchids growing out of it. But the orchids are extra tiny which I have noticed with other orchid species this year, like everything is growing in miniature. Most odd things afoot indeed!

I do go to a very good, evidence-based naturopath. He is the one who put me onto a supplement that is an enzyme that helps break down histamine. This does help somewhat and allows me to keep some meals down even though it doesn't completely solve things. The hormone specialist I see is excellent though I don't think she will necessarily have any answers re: histamine intolerance as it seems to be one of those things with limited options. But it will be good to talk things through with her when I see her next month.

I do think the hyper focusing does help a bit with physical health. Today has been horrendous with a relentless post nasal drip and I've had to clear my throat constantly every minute since I woke up. It's hard to explain how exhausting this is. I was wretching for the first two hours this morning before I could even consider breakfast and had to lie down later this afternoon out of exhaustion. But eventually I was able to sit at the computer and do some photography stuff this evening and the focus for an extended period does, at least some of the time, calm my nervous system to a degree. It's interesting the connections I've been reading about histamine intolerance and PTSD. There are strong links between trauma and multiple health conditions. I try to look at ways that naturally disengage the trauma response and anything that involves curiosity and creativity helps. Apparently when curiosity is engaged in the brain it shuts down trauma circuits. So I think everything is linked together and I'm slowly working my way towards the healing of it all.

With the histamine intolerance, my body is reacting as if multiple foods are seriously harmful and trying to get rid of them. Autoimmunity is similar in that the body starts to attack itself in a state of hypervigilance. Gabor Mate's book When the Body Says No looks at these issues. As a doctor he began asking his patients about their lives as a whole, not just their medical symptoms. And he consistently found that autoimmune and similar conditions were typically present in people who had spent their lives putting others before themselves and who had had various traumas. Very few doctors contextualise their patient's symptoms in terms of their wider lives and personal history, and yet it is really critical as part of the picture in so many cases.

I do hope you see some bandicoots or other little marsupials. There is a wildlife sanctuary in the Perth Hills and they are protecting various rare marsupials there within a large area bounded by a fox and cat proof fence. When visiting there it is quite magical because there are all these little hoppy creatures that once were widespread throughout The Australian bush. One cute one is the Woylie as it is known locally here, also known as the Brush-tailed Bettong. If you google some images you will be able to see this dear little being.

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow Paws.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Having the medical professionals in all fields taking a more holistic view of their patients should be something they are taught in medical school.  It has been known for decades that things like socio/economic outcomes affect health.  It has also been known that having multiple health issues can affect how each health issues impacts a person & they should never be looked at in isolation which unfortunately so many doctors still do.  I can say I have seen a little improvement over my lifetime, but it is far too little & seems to very much depend on the individual doctor.  

I truly hope when you next see your hormone specialist she will have some ideas, as having the side effects you are experiencing isn't acceptable & perhaps a complete rethink is needed.  You have probably done this a number of times, but I thought I would mention it anyway, writing down what meds/supplements you take with a column for what they are meant to help with & a column with what problems they cause in detail.  Having it to give to your various doctors can give them at a glance a full overview & help them to follow what you are trying to explain to them.  As I am on a number of meds for all my health issues I found it helpful to have a list like that including meds that had been discontinued & the starting date & dose for each med.  My doctors say they find it helpful whenever I have to integrate new meds into my regime or adjust what meds I'm on.

I googled rabbit orchids, how cute & I can see how they got that name.  I love spotting orchids, they are often well hidden or so small as to be easily overlooked.  With the reduced rainfall here I've been noticing in the lower foothills & away from the deep gullies so much of the undergrowth is being over run with weeds like bracken or blackberries.  All the usual variety of plants that need a moist environment are just vanishing & the weeds are smothering any possible rebound.  I've seen the Brush-tailed Bettong on the news when they were being released into the preserve, they are sweet.

I was feeling a bit chuffed yesterday for a short time.  I managed to clear out half of one shelf of my pantry & threw out everything past its use by date or not used for more than six months.  I haven't added any of them to my shopping list & won't unless I want to make something needing them.  For years I have had the mindset everything in the pantry must be replaced if thrown out or used up because I was taught they were the minimum a person should have to hand.  I have for some years been working at breaking through a lot of the "must" behaviours drummed into me when I was little, from keeping everything in case it is needed, to doing things in a particular ways.  It is hard to challenge these.

Sleep well

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Thank you for the suggestion about the list of meds and problems they cause. That is a very good idea. I think it makes things more concrete for doctors when you give them something like a list. I find things I say verbally are sometimes not even responded to and the doctor changes the subject. Though the hormone specialist is not like this and goes to some effort to help as best she can. I feel like I'm on the same page when speaking with her. I will get there with symptoms. Today is a bit better than yesterday.

There do seem to be a lot of changes in different parts of Australia. A I have been rethinking my future home it is a challenge to find somewhere that is the best place in terms of increasing climate change impacts. The south west of WA here was predicted to be one of the fastest drying areas and that is indeed what's happening. The other place that has had very extreme drying is South Africa. WA and South Africa have the most biodiverse plant life in the world, so it is interesting it is those landscapes that are getting the most drying effects on the planet. While the wildflowers down here are the worst showing I have ever seen with very few about, up in the mid west of the state the wildflower season is booming. I think it's because that area is a bit more adjusted for boom and bust conditions, but down here it has been historically stable so climate change is more of a shock to the plants.

Good on you for clearing out your pantry and resisting buying new replacements for everything. I used to replace things like herbs and spices, but it only makes sense if I'm using them. In fact I have some ancient ones well past their use by date in my spice rack that need to be binned. I understand what you mean about growing up with ideas of what we "must" do. It is like a kind of programming and we need to deprogram ourselves.

As I type this the magpies are once again warbling in the moonlight. I can hear one talking at a tree at the back of my place to another one at the front of my place. Or at least it seems to be a two-way conversation. I would love to know what they are saying. It really is a beautiful sound. There is such magic and wonder out there in the natural world.

May you sleep well too.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I hope you are feeling better today & the dripping nose & cough have departed & left you in peace.

I do like the warbling call Magpies do, but I must confess my favourite call among all the birds is the sound of the caw the Crows make.  I have loved it since I was a small child & learnt to recognise the calls they made as warnings, from the calls they make to their young, the mating calls or the calls amongst the flock as they move through the area.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to understand what animals are saying to each other.  

When I take a wander through any large nursery I notice that plants from South Africa more often than not have very similar requirements to the plants from WA so I can see why they would be facing similar issues with a drying climate.  I hadn't thought of it before, but you are right that the southern parts of Australia have had a more stable environment with what were regular fronts through the southern ocean bringing regular rain.  WA's sandy soils though give it a unique risk factor in not holding water as well as elsewhere. Given the needs of their plants are so similar to WA I'm guessing South Africa must have sandy soils too.

I know I have found with giving the list of meds & their issues to a doctor is that they are often surprised that I know what each of my meds is for & that I am actively engaged in my treatment.  This has often resulted in them actually listening to me & not just brushing my concerns away.  I've also had some say that having the list makes things easier for them it being a simple, yet clear way to have an overview.  

I forgot to mention the memory chip for my wildlife camera arrived yesterday.  I'm reading through the set up instructions... why are these things never easy to set up!!!  I've decided to put it on my front verandah post to start with where it will cover most of the front yard.  It only records if there is something to trigger it, but unlike the old answering machines it doesn't indicate if it has captured something so I will have to decide how long to leave it out before checking the memory card.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

My histamine reactivity is indeed much better today 🙂 It's still somewhat there but it has been much easier eating food than it has for a while. It may mean my underlying hormone levels are dropping which is reducing the effect and my body may be starting to recalibrate after I reduced the dosage.

Crows are the most intelligent and interesting birds and full of character. In Perth the main birds you see are ravens which I grew up with but they are very similar. They would be fascinating to study and it sounds like you would have been a great zoologist or ornithologist Paws, being able to recognise their different calls. It's wonderful getting to know animals isn't it.

Today I walked just before sunset and the Red-tailed Black Cockatoos were flying from tree top to tree top. A male flew into the tree above me and I had a chat with him. They are so listening to you and looking at you. They are such characters. They have quite a harsh call compared with the two species of White-tailed Black Cockatoos we have - Baudin's and Caranaby's Cockatoos. I managed to startle a couple of large kangaroos on my walk who bounded off.

Not long ago I watched a program about plants, wildlife and landscapes in South Africa. It was kind of uncanny because although slightly different, things seemed very similar at the same time, in terms of the area they were in (I can't remember what it was called). Like things there are just variants on what is here, especially some of the flowers and reptiles. Many South African plants have become weeds in WA because they are perfectly suited to the climate.

It will be exciting to see if your wildlife cam picks up some interesting night animal activities. I look forward to hearing how it goes. As you are away from towns I imagine there is more chance of seeing a wider variety of creatures, though it can be surprising too what can be seen in towns at night. My main marsupial visitors are Western Ringtail Possums that are actually a vulnerable species, though the bandicoots come into this unit complex as well, and even the kangaroos have been known to come in and feed on the grass in the courtyard. We had a pair of lovely Wood Ducks as regular visitors in the wet weather.

Yes, I think doctors don't always realise that some patients are educated about their medications and the conditions they have. I think having a list makes it easier for them to know exactly what to address. I often express myself better in writing than verbally too, though my verbal communication is getting better. I can easily forget everything I want to say if it isn't written down.

I hope you have a lovely weekend Paws. I'm off to look after fluffy cat on Sunday which I'm looking forward to. I'm still picking cat fur off things from last time so I will prepare myself for more fur inundation! 🐈

Take good care and warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

There was a story on the ABC news website on Saturday about the extent of the native vegetation dieback in WA.  That only 10 percent of the native woodland in the wheatbelt area survives is a shocking statistic.  As you have said about what is happening near you, one of the people interviewed spoke about how quiet the bush now was as the small birds etc were no longer there.  The professor they interviewed did say that many of the plants had dropped seeds before they died & he is hopeful they will germinate with good rains.

I love that you chatted with the cockatoo.  They are such clever birds, though that usually makes itself seen in how much mischief they can get up too.   I know wild magpies can remember peoples faces, I wonder if wild cockatoos can?

When I was growing up, learning about animals in general & the wildlife that lived in our garden & the surrounding area was really the only way I had to connect with my dad.  Being around animals was the one thing that could crack open dad's hard outer shell & show his soft inner self.  Like dad I find being with animals of any sort my safe place.  An animal is what it is... people aren't always what they appear to be.

You do get a great variety of visitors to your place... lucky you!!.  I doubt I will get anywhere near that many types of animals here, mainly because I think in towns there are limited places animals can go to find food or shelter, whereas hereabouts they are not so limited.  I know I definitely get one visitor fairly regularly as the sensor light that covers my driveway often comes on at night so something is triggering it.  

I hope you & fluffy cat are having a lovely time together.

Hugs & pats 

Paws