Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

That is so lovely Hanna 😊 Just beautiful company. I’ve done a bit of housesitting with cats and have really enjoyed the snuggle purr time. It’s wonderful you are caring for him and he is giving back with snuggles 🥰 

[Hanna3]

Thanks Eagle Ray!  I think he's really quite smoochy - he just needed to get out of the shelter.  He's now taken over my coffee table as his preferred place to relax!  He's also taken over the shelf where I keep towels in the bathroom for his personal resting spot - he choofed the towels off onto the floor.  I think he will be a good cat!

[Eagle Ray]

That’s lovely Hanna. He sounds like he is making himself right at home! Pet companions really are wonderful aren’t they. Paws was just asking in a post on the previous page if he has a name? I’m really glad he has found a new home with you 🐱💖

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, sorry I missed your post - I still find these forums tricky to navigate sometimes!  I have named him Archie after the stories that were written by a New York columnist in the 1930s, called Archie and Mehittabel (Might have been Archey spelt that way) - they were two odd figures having conversations with each other and they're gorgeous.  In the stories they are rehincarnations of other people.So Archie was the boy and Mehittabel was a lady cat, so if I get another female cat she can be Mehittabel and then I'll have both of them!

[Hanna3]

Thanks Eagle Ray - he's into everything, the kitchen cupboards, the wardrobe...I have named him Archie.  He's feeling the heat, we are having another heat wave here...he's currently hiding somewhere, he had the zoomies last night!  He's still scared of the cat tree I put up, but everything else in the house is being investigated by him!

[Hanna3]

Did you get any of that terrible weather they got in Melbourne, Paws?  It sure looked terrible!  I hope you were OK there.

[Eagle Ray]

Archie sounds lovely Hanna. It’s fun to see cats do zoomies isn’t it. I always wonder what suddenly motivates the zoomies. It’s wonderful he has a good home now. I hope you and Archie are doing ok in the heat. I’m fortunate to be a bit out of the hottest zones, but even towns an hour’s drive from here have had it very hot at times.

[Hanna3]

Hi Eagle Ray, are you out west somewhere - I don't know what state you are in - it's going to be hot and humid here all week and it's tiring.  Archie didn't sleep well last night but nor do I and I'm sure the heat has a lot to do with it - on cold nights you feel like snuggling up in the doona.  I think he's going to be a really good cat.

I'm going to check with a vet about his food later today.

I find these hot days rather boring as it's too hot to do much of anything, give me the colder weather anytime.

Archie's coming up to me to be petted now and sometimes snuggles up beside me, so he's doing pretty well!  Do you have any pets Eagle Ray?  Anyway thank you for the encouraging words!

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, yes I’m out west in WA where it has been very hot but I’m fortunate enough to be far enough south that I’ve missed most of the worst of it. There have been a couple of pretty warm days but I still haven’t had to turn the aircon on for cooling, whereas people I know in the city are surviving by their aircon at the moment.

Do you have any means of cooling where you are Hanna, for you and Archie? I know it can be so hard to sleep well on hot nights. I understand what you mean too about it being hard to do things on hot days. I have these memories of the summer holidays as a kid. All the curtains would be closed to keep out the heat and we had just one small floor fan. The cricket would be on TV and we’d all be flaked out in front of it. I still remember the sleepy sound of the commentators and clink of bat on ball, and the occasional cry as players appealed to an umpire hoping he’d say the batsman was out. It’s like it wasn’t really possible to do much else in the heat.

 I’m so happy to read about the enjoyment you are getting from having Archie. It’s just lovely. I don’t have any pets at present. I have lived with dogs quite a few times in the past - 6 dogs to be exact. Although I wasn’t formally their owner in several cases I kind of became the primary dog parent. I have a strong affinity with dogs. But I have also done housesitting with cats several times and got to really like them too. They both make wonderful companions. I’ve had plans of getting a pet where I am now. But I’ve been going through many ups and downs including with my health and have been unclear about whether to make the commitment. I have also thought of fostering a pet. I would also like to do a bit of travel in the future if possible and I’ve thought of petsitting along the way as a way of doing that. So everything is a bit up in the air for me at the moment, but I think animals in some way will be part of things. I’m just not sure how yet. The strata complex where I live has just lifted restrictions on owning a pet too (though two cats and a dog were already in this complex despite the strata laws). We are now formally allowed to have a pet providing they do not cause a disturbance (e.g. a dog who barks a lot). I have a gorgeous doggie next door who is a really good natured staffy cross. There is a gorgeous grey cat with stunning green eyes there too. The cat from another unit I never see as she’s kept indoors by the owner.

 I hope you and Archie are having a restful day in the heat and humidity.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER,

I've only been to Perth and Fremantle in WA, I remember what a beautiful colour the ocean is over that side - we went on the Indian Pacific across from Sydney which was fantastic.  I think it's terrible when people can't have a pet in a unit as long as they are responsible  - when I travelled in Europe I saw people with pets in apartments everywhere.  

Poor old kitty is suffering badly from the heat today and for the next week at least by the look of it - and I've given up with Archie, he was called Bruce at the shelter and I don't like it but it's no use, I had to use that name at the shelter and it's what he's used to, so I'm going to name him Brucie.  

It sound like you'd love having some animals.  I had someone ask me why I wanted a pet the other day, I thought that was an odd question as so many people have pets!  They can be for companionship, enjoyment, exercise (if a dog), to guard your property... so many reasons.  This person said she had never wanted a pet so perhaps she just didn't understand it which does seem unusual.

I hope you get to travel and have pets.  I rang the shelter today to let them know that Brucie is settling in well - they were so delighted to hear the good news - the girl I spoke to said thay had had a very bad day there today, I didn't ask why - and she was thrilled to be able to pass on the good news to the other staff.  So that was nice.