Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, ER & everyone,

I usually post when I'm struggling, but not this time....

I'm still working through my list of things I've set myself to do before getting a new puppy.  I've been working very hard to be kind to myself & be pleased when I manage to do something & most importantly, not be down with myself with what I haven't yet done. Having my asthma & hayfever worsen with the weird windy weather here has slowed things a bit, but I'm still managing to do something each day however small. Some days it is a very small thing that gets done & I have to remind myself that something is better than nothing. I'm also trying really hard to keep the areas I've done, neat & tidy (very much a challenge) 😉 

ER I knew when I moved here that there were tiger snakes about the place. I don't mind them outside as they help keep the mouse population down & I've found whenever I've met one outside it tries to get away from me as quickly as I try to get away from it. I take all the sensible precautions when out in the garden, the main risk is startling them or making them feel cornered. I am concerned about how the new puppy will react to them, Woofa would bark & back off. I will have to look & see if there are any snake aversion training classes hereabouts.

mmMekitty I miss the old date & time format on posts as well. I also wish they would bring back the number of posts next to a person's name so we can tell if they are a newbie. Fixing the issue with changing profile pics would be nice too.  Now that I've put it in writing here, it has prompted me to raise these things on the feedback thread.

I hope the weather is behaving itself where you all are.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Do you need to get much for the new doggie?  In term of bedding, leads etc.  It will be exciting when you get him/her!  Good that you are doing things gradually.  Even for a cat I've had to get things ahead like toys, cat tree, bedding, litter tray etc.  Pets are a big industry now.

Cooler afternoons here lately and nice breeze after hot days.  Much better than the heat we had before, I hope it stays like this.  The place is thronged with tourists who mostly came up late last week - I think they are all at the beach today and the local cafes are doing a roaring trade.

Might be going to spend some time staying with a friend back in the west at some point but I need to get the cat etc sorted out as it's a long drive.

Look forward to hearing about the new doggo when you get one!

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Paws, Hanna, MK and All,

I have heard about the snake aversion training classes. It could be a good thing to do for peace of mind. It's hard to know with a puppy until they grow enough and you know their reactions like Woofa's to snakes. But I imagine the snake aversion classes, especially if learned early, could train the puppy quite well in avoidance.

I've had a lot of encounters with tiger snakes. I've found they can be quite curious at times, perhaps more so than some other snakes. One time I was photographing wildflowers when I just had a feeling something was behind me. I turned to see a tiger snake and me and the snake both got a shock and went quickly in the opposite direction. Another time I had a very large one cross the path in front of me so I just waited, was about to continue, then another smaller one crossed from the other side, so I waited. Then another one came down the path towards me. At this point I decided going down this particular path wasn't such a good idea. But I've become very calm with them now because I've seen them so much. The last one went right by my feet and I felt calm and relaxed and so did the snake who just continued slowly on, with neither of us being startled. It is important to look out for them in the garden though and it is something I need to remember this time of year as I'm close to bushland.

It's very nice to be thinking about a new puppy. It's so lovely you are being kind to yourself. It's quite the journey sometimes getting to that point isn't it. I think I turned being hard on myself into an Olympic sport, so I'm trying to undo all of that now and I think, like you, I'm gradually getting there. I think it is perfectly fine to have small achievements for the day. I managed to do my dishes tonight before going to bed. I've struggled with that for a while so it feels significant when I do it, and so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen.

I hope you are all going well and the weather is being kind in your respective locations. It was smoky here earlier from prescribed burns but it cleared later in the day and is just a kind of balmy warm now.

Hugs and take care everyone,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER & mmMekitty,

Hanna I have everything I need for a new puppy as I have kept the puppy things from my previous dogs. They don't take up any room & as I know I will always have a dog I've just held onto them. The things I've set myself to do before getting a puppy are all jobs around the house & yard.

Have you got a cat now? I don't remember you saying you had a new furry friend, when did you get it? And of course the important bit - how old, what colour, sex, name etc???? 

Eagle Ray you are not alone in turning being hard on yourself into an Olympic sport, it seems to be a common thing among those of us on BB. I am finding it is a terribly hard habit to break, often with one step forward followed by two back. I posted about my small successes as I've found it helpful to read about other peoples small successes as it reminds me to keep trying. Well done you getting the dishes done, getting up to a clean & tidy kitchen must have felt good.

Warm here fot the next few days, then hot from about mid week. Thankfully the humidity has gone at last & I'm hoping it stays away.

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws, ER, Hanna & everyone

Doing the dishes was a very difficult thing for me to do. I still tend to put it off, but tonight, I will put off doing them until later - it's just so hot today. & will be tomorrow, too.

Used to be I could sort-of feel my (ex-)step-mother standing over me whenever I was doing the dishes, or any housework at all, but the dishes were somehow worse. I haven't directly dealt with that issue, but somehow, the feeling has faded to a huge extent. I do like when they are done, when they are put away, too. That makes the kitchen appear so much tidier when I have that done.

I had to accept I need help to keep up. Somemetimes my back hurts & I just dont get them done.

Having it drummed into me that I am supposed to be able to do all housework myself, to a high standard, & that anything less was not good enough was such a hurdle to overcome, so I could ask for help.

*

Can't say I know much about snakes. There was once one in my flat. I tried to see if we (my support worker) coule identify it by seeing some online, & we couldn't decide if it was one that was very poisonous or one that was completely harmless. It was only little, but still, but, yeah, I guess we sort of panicked.

Hugzies

mmMekitty 

[Eagle Ray]

Hello MK, Paws, Hanna and All,

MK, I very much relate to what you say about pressure to do the dishes and still feeling childhood memories in relation to it. My dad definitely would not allow them to be left, but also there was a very strict rule if you were drying the dishes you had to stay in the kitchen. I remember age 13 wanting to watch the Australian Open final and I was wandering between the kitchen and the lounge so I could see what was happening in the match on TV while still holding and drying the dishes. Dad just utterly screamed at me and I had to stay in the kitchen. So I had a fear of both leaving the dishes to be done the next day and not drying them immediately. Then when living with a housemate later she noticed my tendency to always dry them. I remember her words were, "Let God dry them". I don't have a particular religious faith as such but I was certainly happy for the air to dry them, and from that day forth I mostly have left them in the dish rack to dry. Until recently I still had a strict rule with myself about not leaving them overnight, but even that now has lapsed as I've struggled with my health and fatigue. I'm really glad you leave them when you don't feel up to it. I certainly struggle to do as much housework as some people do, but I'm just not able much of the time. It does feel good when they're done, but it's ok too if they're not.

Were you able to get a snake catcher in MK when you and your support worker had one in your flat? Someone I know told me she had a snake curled up in her washing basket. I asked if she got a snake catcher to come and she said no, she couldn't, because her house was too messy and she didn't want them to see it 😂 She just left her laundry door open and waited for the snake to leave, which it did eventually. I should probably check out who a local snake catcher may be here if there is one as it is in the realms of probability next to bushland.

Hugs,

ER

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws ER & everyone,

ER, we didn't think of that! My support worker used my broom to gently encourage it out the front door & into the garden. Maybe not the right thing to do .... I really hope it was the nice, non-toxic snake like I saw in one picture.

*

about the dishes... I was thinking how when (sometimes) while preparing my dinner, I will make up a sink of sudsy water & do some while cooking, then there are very few to do after.

I do air-dry my dishes very often. But when I have a lot on the rack, I worry about , what if one or more fall & break, so I will dry some, at least.

A full rack of dishes means I've left it long enough to be running out of dishes in my cupboard.

I care more now than I used to. I want my place to look & (maybe more importantly), to feel cleaner.

I still am having some problem with my foot. The GP thought it was some sort of dermatitis, but now so sure. I have been getting blisters, & I worry that some sharp bit of whatever on the floor will burst a blister, maybe cause infection. Recently he said one appeared to be infected, so I am on antibiotics. Other areas nearby get crusty. Other areas have been peeling. All on the sole of my foot, even on the toes.  Itchy/ouchy, & uncomfortable to walk on, especially when the floor is grotty.

& as we get older, our immune system may not work so well, we take longer to heal, so, looking after our environment is more important.

But I don't want to have to stand over my support worker, rather like my (ex-)step-mother had done over me, to ensure she does a thorough job of the cleaning I need her to do.

That's the next big hurdle for me. In practical terms, I don't know how to be sure she is doing a good job as it is, not being able to actually see what she is doing & how well she is cleaning, while she is there. I find things after.

Anyway, getting late.

Pleasant dreams, everyone

Hugzies

mmMekitty 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear MK,

I'm sorry you are still having the foot trouble. I can very much relate as I've had issues with my left foot that sound similar for 14 years. Mine was originally diagnosed as pustular psoriasis which did seem to be correct in the beginning. It formed pustules that would then blister. It has since acted like dermatitis as well and at times has turned into a fungal infection. Interestingly when I started hormone therapy in December it cleared up completely for the first time in 14 years, suggesting hormones have something to do with it in my case. But I had to cycle off one of the hormones after 12 days (as per the way they're prescribed) and it came back again. I think our endocrine system (hormones), immune system and nervous system are all deeply intertwined, so if something gets dysregulated in one of those systems it affects the others. In my case I'm sure the underlying issue is systemic and is coming out in my foot. I can't possibly know in your case but just thought I'd mention that though I don't know how much help it is. Has the doctor been able to do a scraping to test if it's fungal? That would at least allow you to target it accordingly. I hope the part that's infected clears up quickly.

I think just now I heard some baby boobook owls. It is definitely the right time of year for them. It's a distinctive sound I have heard when they're about. They call while ma and pa are out catching dinner for them (or kind of breakfast for an owl as it is their waking time now). Yep, it is definitely baby boobooks 😀 I just went to the window and listened and I know that sound well. They are adorable. They always seem to arrive when I'm going through a difficult time, like healing messengers. They sound quite close too.

Well take care MK, and you too Paws and Hanna and Everyone.

Bye for now and hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, mmMekitty & Eagle Ray,

mmMekitty your foot sounds so uncomfortable to try to manage with, having pain & itch is a horrible combination.  I think ER's suggestion of having your GP do a scrape test is a good idea & if it still doesn't clear up perhaps a referral to a dermatologist might be the go. Just a stray thought (yes I know you aren't really a cat), cats & dogs can get similar types of issues on their paws simply from a change of cleaning products or air freshener type things by their owner. Have your SW's perhaps changed something they use to clean that you might be reacting to or that might be aggravating whatever your foot has.

These days I usually air dry my dishes with a tea towel over them to stop flies etc landing on them.  In the past I would not have dared as I had it drummed into me that they should be washed, dried & put away, straight after the meal was finished.  Like you MK a full drying rack means I've used all the cups in the cupboard.  I sit on a chair to do my dishes, I wonder MK if that might help you with your back?

How brave shooing a snake out with a broom!!!   I just assume all snakes are poisonous, I have the snake catchers number in my phone & carry snake bite bandages with me when out in the garden or mowing..

I'm so envious ER, lucky you, having Boobook Owls so close to your place that you can hear the chicks calling. I love owls of all sorts & would happily trade all the local Kookaburras for just one owl family of any type close by. Being surrounded by farm land with the state forest across the road I assume there would be owls somewhere around here simply because of all the field mice, but after about 8 years here I've still not seen one yet.

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello & thank you both, ER & Paws

The GP did send a sample a couple weeks ago, & another last week. The first sample he had tested for a number of things, & nothing. Originally the GP said I had a fungal infection, but this was before the blisters. He said it was due to all the heat & humidity . That was in late Nov, early Dec, 2023. It was only in Dec that he reckoned it was this long-name-dermatitis.

Hormones? Got me wondering. Post-cancer treatment blocks oestrogen.

Since seeing the GP last week, I've been thinking, next time I see him, this Thursday, I want to ask about seeing a Dermatologist. I don't like this guessing game, which, as of last Thursday, means he doesn't know what it is, again.

My support worker is using the cleaning products I already hav here, so nothing new.

*

Boobook Owls... must google! Like some names for animals, does 'boobook' sort of imitate the sound they make?

*

Sitting on a chair, in front of the kitchen sink to wash up, would mean I am bending forward to do it, so, unfortunately, that won't help. Good idea, though.

Hugzies

mmMekitty