Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, mmMekitty & ER,

I definitely hear you mmMekitty when it comes to constantly changing technology. I have my laptop that I'm using now to type this & on the bench beside me is my old laptop with windows XP. Like you I had to upgrade because many of the sites I use decided they would no longer be XP compatible. The reason my old laptop is within reach is because when I tried to connect to my email on this version of Windows it wouldn't complete the process unless I synched with another device that also had this version, such as a smart phone, which I didn't have back then &  even if I did I don't want them synched. So to use my email I have to use my old laptop.... Grrrr

ER the beauty of cars like yours is that they have fewer things to go wrong & if it does then it is a lot cheaper & simpler to fix. I was talking to my cousin last week & we got onto how back in the day cars used to come standard as a basic model (cheaper) & if you wanted all the bells & whistles you could upgrade. That still makes so much more sense to me as I don't use 90% of the features of my current car (8 years old)

Hanna I had to chuckle at your description of the 'horizontal doggo'... I had visions of it levitating a few feet of the ground.

Yes I am missing Woofa terribly which isn't helping my moods. I am back to decluttering etc in small bites, it was frustrating when I couldn't do it because of my foot. I'm down with myself mostly because another year has slipped by & I have failed yet again to do anything successfully towards eating more healthily & cutting out empty calories like biscuits & lollies. I know I'm not the only person struggling with this, Shell used to share her daily struggles with the same thing & others often commented on her thread. But I'm a grown adult & it shouldn't be this hard to exercise some control over myself, especially as being this large is physically painful, that should be motivation enough.

Enough grumbles from me, it is lovely & cool here, with rain falling on my tin roof (always a lovely sound).

I hope everyone has a relaxing Xmas day

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and all here

I now have Windows 11 and the new microsoft and I am permanently stuck with XBox ads that come with it all and regularly slow up the computer loading - I've Googled about it and seems everyone is experiencing the same thing.  These constant updates also make our devices out of date and force us to purchase new ones, which is the idea I guess!

Yep I'm trying to lose weight, put it on due to stress re Sam this year I think - also the hot weather makes walking less attractive... it ain't easy at this age!  I decluttered heaps moving here and it is so much easier to maintain the place with less stuff.  You won't know yourself once you manage to get a bit more of that done Paws, it does make life easier I must say.

There's not much news here - just wanted to wish everyone a happy day tomorrow and I hope everyone finds something nice to do/eat/watch/listen to, whatever!  I'm glad I hit the supermarket last night, it looked flat out when I went past this morning!

Best wishes to all!

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws, Hanna, MK and All,

Wishing you a very peaceful and happy Christmas today 🤗🎄🌟

Paws, I don’t know if this will help, but I’ve been nurturing a kind voice within myself. I’ve found my inner critic often gives me a hard time, but all that does is reinforce the pattern I’m trying to break out of. So with wanting to eat healthy foods, perhaps you can shift the self-critical voice when you have eaten a certain way to one that acknowledges what you did achieve that day. For example, perhaps you ate a piece of fruit or had a decent serve of veggies. By focussing on any positives in there, it might get easier being self-encouraging. Then the eating healthy might increase relative to any unhealthy food consumption.

With regard to cars, I’d love it if they brought back really basic cars with minimal tech. I’ve been told with newer models some of them are self-locking and people have left their key in there momentarily while dealing with something only to find they are now locked out of their car. And now they have all these sensors that can be knocked out of alignment. Then there’s even privacy issues with the way people’s internet is now embedded with the car technology. I’m glad my car just does the basic function of getting me from A to B.

 I feel for you Paws and Hanna with missing Woofa and Sam, and you too MK re: mmMeKitty, as I know how important and special these furry friends are. I hope you can feel their comforting presence today. I find good memories can be very nurturing and healing and comforting.

It’s a lovely day here with a gentle breeze and very sunny. My kind neighbour has invited me in later so I will go and spend some time there.

Very best wishes and big hugs to you all 🤗

Eagle Ray

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws, Hanna, ER & everyone

So, now I got ads for Xbox to look forward to? Hope I can disable the Xbox feature, like I have on this P. I'd prefer to actually uninstall it & other features which come preinstalled or with updates. Just to have what I want, that's the dream!

It's the same for cars, I agree. If I could have an absolutely reliable automatic car, I'd love it, if only it didn't come with people from tech companies always seemingly looking over my shoulder, noting every little thing I do.

That's a great perspective to take, ER, to focus on the achievements, noticing when we make healthier choices. That's an important thing to remember.

I've said before, I' sure, that one thing I did was to make changes one at a time. One a week, maybe.

I know it's not easy, when thinking of things I'm not having so often as I once did. I might feel I have a craving, & then go & have the thing I want, just once. Much more often than not, that one time is enough for a while. It doesn't work so well if I get a pack of that thing to have at home - seems I think about it more often, craving it more often, & then having more, just because I have it in my flat.

Well, it's late now, & except to say, about 'humbug' - do you remember a type of lolly called a humbug? 

Hope you've, Paws, Hanna, ER & everyone, had a happy & relaxed day & are looking forward to the new year.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi all here

I googled about the X box on the new microsoft but apparently there is no way it can be got rid of, there are lots of complaints about it.  

We have a huge storm brewing here after storms all day yesterday, the holiday makers were huddled under the odd covered picnic area - they had obviously planned for Christmas lunch outdoors at the beach and they all looked a bit miserable.

Everything here is still closed today so town is very quiet and it's dangerous to swim in a storm so the beaches are quiet now.  

Not much news here just wanted to come by and say a quick hello.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Hanna

No, definitely not a good idea to swim during storms, nor in any flooded creek or wherever... there's no telling what one could become tangled in, & if it's a creek or river, the pull of the rushing water can be much stronger than what one might realise; could be like a strong rip in the surf.

I was doing some washing earlier. I'm glad to have that done now. I just have to make my bed with fresh sheets this afternoon.

I could say, 'nothing much going on here', too, except, me getting the clean sheets on my bed isn't so 'nothing' for me.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, mmMekitty, ER & wave to everyone,

Yes I remember the humbugs, they were nice. As are clean sheets.

Thankfully my little corner of the world missed the bad storms of the past few days, I hope you are all safe & nowhere near the worst areas.

I bought a paint by numbers last year (or maybe the year before or even before that), which I had left in the cupboard because when I took it out of the box I realised I should have started with a simpler picture to begin with & so it has just sat there.  Well Xmas day I decided to give it ago & guess what.... I'm terrible at it. 😆🤣  It hasn't stopped me though, I'm doing it in little 5 minute sessions as I start to get cross eyed looking for the tiny numbers.  With my tremors I'm not staying in the lines, but I don't care. None of my other go to's for when I'm struggling were helping, but this is.

It sounds like I have an unintentional upside of not having enough bandwidth, as I don't get x-box pop ups. How annoying that you can't shut them off. I share your dream mmMekitty of being able to remove the features I don't want on a computer.

ER the only non critical thing I can say about my eating is I do start each day with a healthy breakfast. Unfortunately everything goes down hill from there. I'm not giving up on wanting to eat better or trying to eat better & I remind myself I used to eat well & so I know I can do it. 

Big 🐻 hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws, MK, Hanna and All,

Paws, I love that you are doing the painting and enthusiastically sticking with it. I think there is something very therapeutic about painting and drawing. I’m not very good at drawing, but I remember once sitting with a friend and her niece in a park and drawing the trees. It was so interesting seeing how we each approached the same subjects and produced something different. My friend’s 14 year old niece was definitely the artist among us.

MK, I thoroughly relate to the washing of sheets and remaking of the bed being a major task. I often have to have a lie down at the end of the process. I find it quite exhausting. I’m only a small person too, so folding sheets on my own as well as hanging them out is somewhat unwieldy for me. I hope you weren’t too worn out from the process.

Hanna, I’ve been hearing about the big storms. There was the possibility of some storms here but they never eventuated. It’s actually been extremely good weather for Christmas and Boxing Day. I hope you are feeling cosy and comfortable at home. It sounds like the place to be at the moment.

 I hope you have all had a lovely day today 😊

Hugs 🤗

ER

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws & everyone

What does it matter if you got a little purple on a tree? or a spot of orange in the sky? the actual world isn't a picture-perfect place, so it seems to me some 'flaws' ought to be in our representations of it. If you are enjoying & feeling some calmness while squinting at those tiny numbers & your aim with a tiny brush isn't quite accurate, but the result is pleasing to you, isn't that what you were hoping for?

*

As for having a healthy breakfast every morning, that was one of the more difficult changes I've made, & I gather, one of the more important things we can do to help ourselves. I've known for decades the old saying that breakfast - any breakfast - is the most important meal of the day. I hadn't eaten a proper breakfast regularly for decades.

These days I have the muesli & some fruit (from my freezer), with it. This is my regular. If I don't have a regular breakfast alredy decided, I would dither about it & end up not having anything. I might even go back to having my large, milky & sweet coffee again. & I don't want to do that.

I am going to imagine us having breakfast together. I sometimes imagine I have a pleasant place outside where I can sit & have my breakfast, with birds in the trees nearby, & maybe a cat wanders by, hopeful of a morsel, which I would happily give.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Dear MK, Paws and Hanna,

MK, that sounds like an ideal breakfast and setting. It would be a great way to set up the day with such a lovely start.

I’ve been thinking how I want to make the most of each day in the new year. Not in the sense of putting pressure on myself to do a lot in the day. More that I would like to wake up early and start creating/doing something that sets up the day. That might be having a lovely breakfast, doing an early walk as it really is the most beautiful time to be out, doing some photography, doing some meditation or yoga, or basically anything that starts the day well. I have found being active early seems to put me in a better place for the rest of the day, even if I need a nap/lie down later. I feel better for the whole day. So I think that might be a goal for me in 2024, one that is meant to be enjoyable and not a pressure I’m putting on myself. I’m kind of recovering my health at the moment and it feels like a good way to support myself in that process.

Sleep well everyone 🤗😴