Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

Lass there is no need for you to apologise for not replying earlier, the last thing I would want is for anyone to feel stressed about replying. You post on so many different threads & help so many people especially with your humour, please never feel bad about not replying especially on the threads of those of us that have been on here awhile, we get how hard it can be to keep up. I know I don't reply to peoples threads as much as I would like to.

It's a balmy 6 deg here & the wind is coming straight off the south pole which makes it feel nearer -1, so I'm about to shut the back door & put the heating on for me. His Woofiness is wearing his thick warm winter fleecy coat & is currently plonked on the couch next to me so he can get back scratches, which is fine by me as it is very cosy under his coat & a good way for me to thaw out my hands.

I haven't done anything on my lists this week as Woofa had a bad fall off my bed on Monday & I have been totally focussed on him. I managed to get the vet out to my place & he did the talk that all pet owners dread, he said we should see how Woofa went over the next 48 hours & make a final decision then. I am so happy to be able to say Woofa is now good, with just a very slight limp left. Though he is pushing the friendship as today was the first day I let him back up on my bed & he peed himself in his sleep so now I am washing all the bed clothes. Thank goodness I have a waterproof mattress protector.

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty and everyone….🤗..

Your weather sounds like my weather, cold windy and more cold😂..It was -6at 7am this morning and I don’t think it got much warmer all day…..I left my clothes pegged out overnight and this morning my clothes were frozen this morning on my line…😂😂😂..Don’t you just love winter?….

Paws, sweetheart, It’s so good to hear that Woofa is healing well…poor boy…I hope he continues to improve….My eldest fur girl…will be 10years old on the 25th of this month…how quickly time flies…

Thats okay about not getting anything done off your list…There’s no hurry…when you feel up to doing something…maybe pick something from your list, that will not be so hard to do…I have been doing a room a week….I have such a build up of dust in most rooms, I can and did write in the dust….”clean me”…😂😂..Trouble with dusting, sweeping or vacuuming is….that it starts to all comes back again…

I admire anyone that can do jigsaw puzzles…I tried a few, done the edging, then after a few weeks of trying to fill in the middle, I packed the pieces back into the box and donated it to the charity shop…..It would make it easier if the puzzle pieces had numbers on the back of them…

Take good care of yourself Paws, mmMeKitty and everyone reading here…

Sending hugs to everyone….🤗🤗🤗🤗fur/feathered hugs as well..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa,

I, too, am very pleased Woofa is on the mend so well. I guess, like many of us, Woofa is getting older, so, while not feeling his best, a little mess is to be expected. Great idea to have the plastic sheet.

Hi Grandy, great to see you, like me, do not get jigsaw puzzles done. Numbers on the back would have been a great idea, so long as there was a chart as well. I've been wondering how your furs are going? This weather you've been having can't be good for them either.

By comparison, I'm sizzling, although I'm wearing my fingerless glves several hours a day, trying to get my hands warm, then, keep them warm, to warm them again when I have to take them off for a bit.

Sometimes, I feel I can't wait until I feel up to doing some things. If I did, I may as well get paper plates, & disposable (recyclable) cutlery, cups, & even pots & frypans .. because I never quite feel up to doing the dishes.

However, having someone who comes in once a week to help me with housework, has also helped me to do more of my own dishes during the other days, so I don't have dishes piling up until I have none clean in my cupboard anymore.

I try to wipe the counters too, so I can have a clean space to prepare food. That one is important for my own health, eh?

I try to do some vacuuming between the times when my helper come, at least once a week myself, I do the main traffic areas, so there won't be so much of my mess (bits of food & hair, mostly) for them to clean up.

These are the three things I make an effort to do, even when I'm feeling not quite up to it. I remember times when I felt nowhere near up to it, so now I am appreciating when I am. It doesn't come easily; it requires determination to push past those lurking feelings & get on with making the effort. If I don't do precisely what I would like to have someone do for me in the moment, I can't be upset with myself, because the goal was making the effort, not the end result.

Also, I am purposely keeping in mind exactly who I am making the effort for - me, no-one else, only me.

Hugzies & schnozbops to all!

mmMekitty 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, mmMekitty,

Oh Grandy brrrr. Thankfully the weather here doesn't get quite as chilly as you get, -2 is about as cold as it tends to get here. It does get very foggy hereabouts though & some days the fog doesn't clear until lunchtime & then starts coming back at dusk. I chuckled at the mental image of you writing "clean me" in the dust, I agree it is annoying how quickly the dust comes back, especially with furs. I wonder if you might be able to find some magical dust repelling paint in your wonderous 💼 🤔  

mmMekitty I like your idea of being content with yourself for making the effort rather than stressing about not actually completing something. I'm going to add that idea to how I am trying to change my critical thoughts to more helpful ones. 

I've decided to keep Woofa off my bed during the day, he has a comfy dog bed in my room by the window which he usually uses so it won't be that much of a bother for him, but I will let him up when I go to bed. I'm doing it more out of fear of him having another fall than anything else, as unlike when he sleeps next to me, if he is on the bed by himself he messes up the bedding to make a nest which is what I think he got his legs tangled in when he had his fall.

I'm off to the big city tomorrow for a family birthday, so it will be a long day for me. 

Hugs & schnozbops

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty and everyone….🤗,

I hope tomorrow in the big city goes good for you,  please drive carefully and stop for breaks if you need to….Enjoy your time with your family sweetheart and hopefully a nice catch up as well….

I think that’s a good idea about keeping your beautiful Woofa off the bed of a day….I now close my bedroom door of a day…my 2 little fur girls used my bed for play fighting and destroyed my bed making each time I made it…they all have fluffy beds in my lounge room so they sleep their of a day…and now night time…when my shoulders were so sore I realised that they were laying near me, leaning on my back which made it near impossible to move and weighed the blankets onto me too much….since I’ve recovered from my shoulders injury, they seen to be still happy sleeping all together in their bed in the lounge room…I now get an interrupted sleep most nights….I now prefer them to stay off my bed at night…I think, I might be a bit mean by doing this….but then again, I give them lots of attention, care and love throughout the daytimes….

Paws, my writing is still on my furniture 😂..I really need to clean it but I have so many ornaments and moving them to clean the dust will take at least half a day…motivation to do that flew out the window….maybe I should declutter my shelves where they sit😁…no one ever visits me so I tell myself it’s okay to leave my artwork in the dust until I’m ready to remove it😂😂..

Have a great day with your family..

Sending you all my care, love and 🤗 hugs…also lots of pats and cuddles for our fur babies..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hey Paws & Woofa

How are things?

I hope your trip went well, that the weather isn't so chilly, & Woofa is okay too.

I've been missing the schnozbops, & I'm sure you could use some hugzies, so here you are:

Hugzies & schnozbops,

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, mmMekitty,

Woofa has been sunning himself in the Bahamas after taking a wrong turn trying to get to Croix's iceberg. They don't get many seals out that way & though he is lapping up all the attention, I think he will be happy to head off to cooler climes soon as the seal suit has him a bit to warm in all that sunshine. He might take awhile to get there though, as he has been parlaying the clams for sausages & needs to restock.

Paws has been struggling, the family do was stressful, (I'll skip why), plus on the drive home I kept getting idiots who didn't drop there high beam which on a narrow country road at night is scary. So it took me a few days to unwind, then I get a letter from Auspost telling me to move my letterbox because the postie can't access it.  My letterbox has been in the same place for the last 8 years, the old postie had no issues, I don't understand why the new postie has. It is a pillar letterbox & is bolted into concrete pavers so I can't move it myself. I've been trying to think of a solution, then I get another letter last Friday saying if I don't move it by Monday (yesterday) I will no longer get mail delivered & will have to collect from a post office that is an hour & a half away. I've spent the last few days in tears as all I could think of was how much it will cost to get a tradie out & struggling to think of anyone who could help me.

I really don't want too, but tomorrow I will ring my sister & see if her hubby could come & move it for me. It is a long drive from their place, so they would only be able to come on a weekend. I know if she says yes then I can expect her to come too, which means I will get lectures for weeks about not keeping my place to her standards & being generally useless. Of course she is just as likely to say no & tell me to sort it out myself. 

I really just want to curl up in a ball & tell the world to go away, but I know that is beastie talking, so I'm trying very hard to fight it.

On a brighter note Woofa has recovered from his fall & has been giving me snuggles these last few days.

Hugs & schnozbops

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws, 

That really sounds like an unreasonable request from Australia Post. I wonder if you can contact them directly and explain the situation? That it is set in concrete and you can’t move it yourself. I know that will be potentially painful calling their number where you may get stuck in a phone queue. But sometimes you do get a helpful person who is understanding of your situation. I feel at the very least they could extend the time they will deliver mail for. I think it is worth emphasising to them too that the previous postie delivered for 8 years without any issues.

Another option would be to put in another temporary mail box and a sign on the current one indicating it is not in use. But I realise you will probably still need someone to do that for you.

 I totally understand why it is upsetting dealing with these bureaucratic things. I wonder too about whether there is an advocacy organisation who could at least give advice? 

Actually I’ve just now googled Ombudsman Australia Post. There is ombudsman assistance for postal delivery issues. If you google “Commonwealth Ombudsman postal industry complaints” you should get to it (should be first website listed). The ombudsman does not take sides but helps to resolve issues. It is a free service. I wonder if that would be worth a try? Their number is 1300 362 072.

It would be lovely to see Woofa at the iceberg 🐶🧊 

Take care Paws,

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, mmMeKitty,Eagle Ray, and everyone…..🤗.

I was thinking the same as ER about your letterbox, to maybe put a temporary one out somewhere….if you have a post that you could attack a new one too with a screw or nail….

I can understand your frustration/anger about travelling to the post office to collect your mail….after I closed the shop down here in my little village, one of the things I was constantly verbally attacked with, was the residence having to go into the bigger town to collect their mail…..eventually we got a postal service here for 2 days a week….which in a way boosted the town because it is the first time in the history of this town that they gained a postal delivery…..

Many people just placed their letterbox on the fence those 2 days, then brought them in until they could put in a permanent one….mine is attached to a pole by a couple of screws…Having a crepe myrtle next to the gate means I need to keep the letterbox area trimmed at all times or they won’t deliver my mail…..

Please Dear sweet Paws, don’t give in to beastie, it’s so easy to, but I know in my heart that you are a strong and beautiful person…and you can fight those beasty thoughts….but in the mean time I am reaching through the screen with a comforting and very caring hug..🤗.

I know it’s hard sweetheart, but please remember that you are not your sister…and it’s your home not hers….and she has no right at all to judge or criticise you…..I have been judged by the way I keep my home, by my neighbour (Mrs nsc)…it hurt at first for a long time, but then I thought it’s my home and if I’m not up to cleaning it..it’s no one’s business except mine…because your sister doesn’t understand depression, she has no idea how hard keeping a house clean is……

I hope today that you can find even a little bit of light….you are you and you’re a beautiful and caring person….and very very useful…Please don’t let anybody make you feel any differently…

Hugs Dear Paws, Woofa, and everyone else…🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🌈💙🦋

Grandy…

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa

Grandy & ER, too. You have great responses from them.

I was thinking, when I read about the Australia Post having an Ombudsman, they also might have contact details online, & maybe would also allow you to upload a picture of your mailbox, which would show there is no access problem. An email also leaves a record of your point of view, if Australia Post continues to not deliver your mail. 

If you do attach or erect a second mailbox, take a picture of that, too.

Don't let them bully you, Paws. Not your sister either.

Grandy is perfectly right - your home is your home, not hers. How you live there is your business.

I'd write something different if she seemed to come in with a kind & compassionate attitude, then maybe you could feel comfortable enough to ask for help sometimes ... but as this does not seem to be the case with her, she is not someone to ask.

I would still say, since finding someone to help me keep on top of the housework, it has been much easier for me. I feel more comfortable inside my little flat when it is tidier & I am not tripping over things like I once was.

I'm so glad Woofa is feeling better, enjoying sunny Burmuda ensuring he's well-stocked for his trip to the iceberg - though in truth, every square inch of available storage space aboard Grandy's steam train has been packed with the best supplies for all to enjoy. & I've secured a few long-range drones to drop off any items we have neglected to include.

Hugzies & schnozbops to everyone!

mmMekitty