Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[ecomama]

Hey Paws, oh yeah us and our dogs lol. Alexa's dog is showing her age a lot now, she's Alexa's best friend and constant companion. She's just one of those one in a million pets that just "knows" what you need right now. She looks deeply into your eyes with pure love! 

Yesterday Alexa knew we had arrived at soccer, because her pup sat up adroitly and looked towards the parking lot. Either she knows our car's sounds (amongst the many other cars at soccer) or can smells the scent of us. 
She makes a unique, specific sound when she sees me! We call it the "I love you Nanna" song lol. 

My dog is a rascal lol. 

Hanna that's SO BEAUTIFUL that the Library has changed their policies to INCLUDE people who have no fixed address atm. The exclusion from society must feel so noticeable to homeless ppl already. 
The Church serving hot meals is awesome. 

Housing is becoming more and more grim here in Oz. 
The whole "living in your car" thing is a step UP for so many ppl in the U.S. 
My BF was surprised at my shock of seeing countless ppl living rough in Seattle and anywhere we went. 
He just assumed it was exactly the same for ppl here, but it wasn't. Their population being about 7x more than us, bigger cities, to me more noticeable back then. 

Now I'm not so sure. Sadly I expect with the interest rate hike, there'll be another wave or tsunami of homeless people. 

Talk soon
Love EMxxxx

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & everyone

I wonder how you are Paws?  I hope things are OK.

I went to the Bridge lesson and what a lovely crowd of people, but it's going to be a hard game to learn!!!  I thought it was just the one free lesson, but it goes for three months... I have a lot to learn!  Hugs from us here oxoxoxox

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I can't find where you posted to me you've had a migraine and I replied to you briefly this morning - I'm blessed if I can find these posts anywhere now - gosh I  SO d on't like these new forums!

Paws my 90 year old friend in the city with her son who lives with her (mid-60s) is trying to find a small rescue dog (like a maltese=shitzu or poodle cross etc) - she wants a senior dog, just not so old it's about to pass away... she has been widowed after 70 years of marriage and wants a little dog to cuddle and be company - her son is active and will take it for walks and to an off leash area... they have had a rescue in the past, I have known them forever and they're kind caring people in a comfy house and garden.  They keep gettiing knocked back - I know it's hard these days - they have gone through Denise at Paws and Monika's Rescue... she won't go to the RSPCA because the sight of all the dogs upsets her. I notice these people are often requesting you have another dog for company first for the new dog - also lots of people are talking to these rescue places on facebook and my friend isn't good with that tech stuff - do you have any idea how she might be best to find a little dog?  I wonder if the folk on facebook are all beating her to it.  Any thoughts?  Would appreciate your help!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

If she doesn't want to go into the RSPCA they can look at the dogs available online first & make enquiries that way... petrescue.com.au currently have 38 small dogs available in NSW for adoption... it is a central place for different rescue groups to list & they do interstate adoptions... sorry but most of the rescue groups I know are for giant breeds not littlies

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws yes thanks, pet rescue often goes back to the places that are rejecting her. They're often insisting people have to have another dog already to keep any new dog company. I've seen a lot of people protesting about this on Facebook. It seems to be very hard to actually get one of these little dogs! There are plenty of big dogs. Thank you for replying.

It's freezing, sub zero here and raining hard - what a night to have to go out! Brrrr ☔🌧️😕

[Hanna3]

I don't think she would take an interstate one Paws, as she wouldn't get to see/know the dog first before taking it...  she is in her 90s and getting rather fussy too I'm afraid - this afternoon on the phone she said she saw a little dog she would like but it has to have drops in it's eyes once a day... she is after a senior dog, so it will most likely have some kind of health issue getting older - drops once per day isn't that bad and her son could do it.. I have tried to encourage her to apply for it.  I looked at the Pet Rescue, but many sadly have behaviour issues, or are very sick.  I've told her to try ringing the Animal Welfare League - years ago I had a friend who volunteered for them and said they were marvellous - she bed cattle dogs and won best in show at the Royal Easter Show once, so she knew whereof she spoke..

I am off to Bridge in minus-3 degrees and rain.. did you get your plumbing problem fixed Paws?  How is Woofa?  hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, 

I thought it was a bit nippy here as we didn't get out of single figures... now I see it was actually balmy compared to your neck of the woods... -3 brrr

Thinking out of the box for your friend... I wonder if she would consider a retired/failed greyhound... they are happy as indoor dogs...  love snuggling on the couch with their humans & don't need a lot of exercise... & less risk of her tripping on it... check out greyhound rescue.

Another option would be to try registered breeders to see if they have an adult dog for sale... dogzonline is where registered breeders advertise... they can check out a number of breeds that way.

Woofa is getting dottier with every day... we spent last night & most of today with him going to the laundry door & knocking on it with his paw (usually his signal he needs to go out or wants something) the longest gap between knocks was 45 minutes... the shortest... the time it takes him to walk back to my room then back to the door... he didn't want to go out & looked at me as if I was mad when I tried to get him to go out... he didn't want a drink... nor was he after a back scratch... so not a lot of sleep for either of us... he has finally settled (about 1/2 an hour ago) & is sleeping beside me.

Sorry I'm not much use for little dog ideas

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

A huge frost here this morning after a freezing night and snow all around but not here unfortunately!  It's sunny today.  Bridge last night was good but there is oh so much to learn!!

Poor Woofa - have you been to the vet about him Paws?  You must be tired from lack of sleep.  My wonderful vet here when Sam was having disturbed nights and confusion was adamant about Sam needing a fixed routine - as he said, Sam needs to know "we're going to do this now" - so I try my best to keep to a routine for him.  Hé is so much better it doesn't happen often now.  Lots of mind games - hide the treat, doing tricks for a treat, lots of different walks, he loves around the nursery where the smells of fertilizer etc are fascinating if you're a dog - the dog park is great as socialising seems to use their brain in a different way.  I also play harp music on my tablet at night for him, my music teacher friend played harp at the vet's once and said all the animals fell asleep - harp music is so soothing - Sam falls asleep very fast listening to it - I have it saved on my tablet.  I have a little 7 inch Lenovo tablet and it's terrific!

We have a fixed routine at night where he knows he will get "treats for tricks"at a certain time - he sleeps before this and he always wakes up at the appointed time for the treats!  

It must be upsetting for you to see Woofa like this, I am sorry.  I hope you can find something that helps him or a medication from the vet?

I have an appointment to get to now... will check in again later.  Hugs and pats to Wooofa!

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I was Googling around last night and I discovered there are senior dog forums online - mostly American I think - I was looking because Sam is getting old and has days like yesterday - it was cold and grey - and he just wants to sleep and has not much energy at all - and then good days - but much less energy than he used to have.  There are lots of discussions about this and behaviours like Woofa is having... I think it's a real help to read what other people are doing and how they are feeling - you can just read the forums, no need to join - I found it a real help yesterday.  Just a thought - and sending hugs from us here.  A lovely sunny day here today after a cold windy one yesterday..  hugs.

[mmMekitty]

Hey Paws, & Woofa, Hanna & Sam,

I think I saw a mention of you, Paws, getting over a migraine, on grandy's discussion. I have never had one, but I understand they can be very debilitating.

I am liking some of the ideas Hanna has come up with. I would want to meet the animal I might be adopting before agreeing to do so. I wouldn't be confident to accept them having only seen something online. Because I felt sure the RSPCA would do those things like microchipping, giving me a tag for her collar, a record of the vetinry care & treatments she'd had, & I found out when I went there, including a tattoo on her ear, & including a big food bag, It was difficult having to leave the other animals there. Of-course I could not have taken them all, & the restrictions here mean I could only have one, small dog or cat. With hindsight, they may have been too eager to let me take Mekitty, without seeing my place, not enough questions about it, & not even asking if I had a photo of the placem I now think might help some, to reduce the number of unsuitable homes. My lace isn'tawful for haveing a cat or small dog, but not the best either.

I also think, for dogs, they do need the outings, the walks & socialisation.

I'd be struggling very much with that aspect, but at the samet time, having a dog that needs to get out & about, would spur me to more effort to make that happen for them, which, I'm told, would be better for me too.

I wouldn't be sure about giving daily eyedrops - I make a mess of my own!

I had problems giving Mekitty preventive meds, every month, because it meant having to hold her rather firmly, &  it seemed to upset her so much, & I was afraid of hurting her too. If I ever had another cat, I'd have to figure in regular vet care, or ensure I had someone coming here to check on them & do those tablets & the drop of worming stuff on her neck, or anything else really hands on.

I'd really consider the music. I can sit here messing about with my app on my phone, playing piano & very nearly drop off to sleep mid phrase. It's lieke it's hypnotic. I am thinking, I ought to try to simply allow myself to go to sleep - if necessary, I can recharge my phone later.

😺Great to see you, Paws, wherever I do - not sure that really matter.

mmMekitty