Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Lassies,

Thank you!! All hugs very much appreciated.

Small pre start steps....

Looking through cook books... EM's recipe thread (love it EM)... & just memories... to write down a list of as many simple meals as I can think of. I only go into the big town once a month to buy meat & veg so that will affect what I eat & when. Will do some bulk cooks (stew etc) & freeze portions.

Using the pedal machine has been very hit & miss.... managing only short bursts even when I do use it... I've got a way to go to match Grandy's 2500 in a day... I haven't managed that many in the whole past month.

EM - I'm sorry to hear you have had problems with your psych as well. Well done lass giving her the heave ho. It's good you have a counsellor you feel comfortable with.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws..

I like the idea of planning my meals..having a really hard time of doing it...When my late husband was alive..he used to plan all the meals and either shop for them or give me a list of what I had to buy...He was European and most meals took hours to prepare and cook....I need to find and learn how to cook simple meals...my mum never allowed me to cook at all....I’ve never cooked from a recipe book, in a way I’m looking forward to doing that and trying easy and simple meals I’ve never had before..I do sometimes bulk cook, then freeze it..for another day...You have a great plan and I’m wishing so much that you can do it...Please keep us updated on how you go,,,,only if you want to..

With my little pedaller, I get it out in the morning and do little pedals throughout the day...until I make 2;500...yesterday I didn’t even get it out...I got it out this morning and not been on it yet..😂..not sure if I will..just not feeling to do it lately..I think as long as we do even a few rotations on it..it is that many extra steps that we wouldn’t have done that day...Don’t push yourself to much lovely Paws..

I’m trying to get a little fitter for my stress test with my cardiologist in November...and hoping to build up my leg muscles..I can’t get up off the floor any more..and I used to love sitting on the floor playing with my fur babies...

I hope today is a good day for you..it’s sunny here but a strong cool breeze blowing...I’m needing some outside time today...

My kindest thoughts dear Paws with my care..

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & waves to Grandy, Deebi,everyone,

Thank you Paws I finally found your thread! I'm sorry you've always had to come across to mine especially..

I was eating the wrong stuff constantly, especially at night - biscuits, cheesecake, cake, chocolate - when I realised it was making my tummy problems worse (I get stomach pains if I am stressed and they were getting worse) I stopped all this stuff almost overnight - and the cravings for it stopped very fast too. I'm sure these foods are addictive. If you can manage reducing bit by bit and cut out maybe one food at a time - maybe ice cream (I was eating those a lot too as you know!) the cravings should start to subside... it's all stress and isolation and worry and anxiety... but don't be hard on yourself if you fall of the wagon and just start again when you feel up to it.

Dear lady you have some wonderful friends here and you have been such a kind and wonderful support to me, I sometimes wonder what i would have done without you... and your kind friends here. Soft warm fluffy hugs from Mr Sam to you and everyone here hug hug xoxo

[Hanna3]

And Paws, you sound like such a wonderful lady, and Grandy and Deebi and others - what a help you have been to me... all of you would be wonderful friends, wished we all lived nearby - Paws you have been so kind and patient with me on my thread.. and Woofa's slobbers helped Mr Sam to get better i'm sure!

I've been doing some work on myself - writing down what happened with my mother and family when I was growing up that I remember - my mother was emotionally abusive... and my eldest brother...and then I am looking at why I have moved house so much.. I'm still working on that one, it's something to do with too much trauma I think - I was homeless for a while - and then I got a place and three years later I left again for here, and I cannot remember why I left - and my friendships can break up when I get angry, so I've been thinking about how I had no boundaries as a child, my mother would go through my bedroom and things.. I was abused terribly..

And I'm trying to teach myself to be more patient with people, be aware when my boundaries are too spiky - I am still trying to work out why I move so much - and I'm writing it all down... trying to stop the chaos my life has been in... and why I am so scared all the time...but then do scary things like move house.. it's hard. I think I am getting further by myself than I ever did with a psych, but it's slow!!

Woofa and my Sam and all our furs are wonderful aren't they, the love and comfort they give us all - wonderful people we need to be gentle on ourselves - I punish myself so much I have to start thinking why do I tell myself off so much - because my mother made me feel guilty all the time..

So you're not alone with the messy house and nightmares and stuff - join the club!! Paws you are wonderful, do tell yourself how much you help other people and be kind to yourself, hugs from little Sam xoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello everyone,

I mentioned on Hanna's thread how much I put things off & it reminded me I had written a plan of action on here. I see it was over 6 weeks ago. Have I done what I said I would..... No.

I was going to try & get into a good routine... well it's 4 in the morning & I haven't been to bed yet... my sleep patterns are still all over the place & I'm sleeping way too much...

I do have a healthy breakfast every day regardless of what time I get up... but the rest of my eating is still woefully unhealthy... still way too much milk. I did have a frozen pizza for tea the other night.... is that better than chocolate for tea???.... or cheese crackers???...

Apart from a few rare bursts of energy... I'm back to living on the couch looking at what needs doing & not having the oomph to do any of it.... my *to do* list just gets longer.... I waste time... watching telly... doing jigsaws... little to nothing useful....

I know how I want to be... & I know how I am.... I have to ask.... am I kidding myself???? Will I remain a big fat useless blob who cries at the drop of a hat & hides from the world??? I don't like being like this... it physically hurts being this fat... it's embarrassing not having a clean & tidy house... It's embarrassing having a garden that makes the place look abandoned... so why can't I make the changes I know I need to do??? Why is this thing they call living so bloody hard???

Paws

[demonblaster]

Lovely Paws 🐾 hi everyone ☺

Hey darl good to see you 🤗 you're certainly sounding like you're needing a good long hug.

Wow can I so relate to what you're saying.
I wish I had some answers to how to get the motivation happening hun but I'm clueless.
I have heard to just do short bursts on tasks but even that seems out of the question doesnt it.

Ahh Paws it does get like that doesn't it feeling guilty.

The other night it was taking me an age to sleep and I found myself throwing all reasons I want the weight off. Actually for a while it kinda charged me. Maybe we need to keep reiterating dunno.

You're not alone hun. Just wish I could offer something sound to help.

I'm sorry for how you're feeling lovey 🤗. It feels like it won't change doesn't it. I think if we can have an open mind it'd help allow constructive thought at times opposed to how it is.

Please give dear woofa a big hug and love and that includes you lovely Pawsy too 🐾

🤝💗🕊

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Oh dear it's kind of singing to the choir with me trying to help you with getting motivated to get housework done - I'm hopeless! I can so relate to what you say dear Paws... ok a few thoughts -

I think it's hard living alone to get motivated to do stuff around the house - I know I think nobody comes here but me and little Sam so why bother doing the housework? Even though I hate it being untidy and it stresses me that I don't keep it nicer. I must admit here I also think it's an old dump and I want to leave so why bother...

I suspect with me I just prefer to do more interesting things than housework and cleaning and tidying.. don't know if this is true for you or not...

I procrastinate about doing things that are tough or scary or boring..

I try to do one little thing a day - like yesterday I swept the kitchen floor. That was it. Is that any help - try one task a day?

Pizza sounds better than chocolate, but honestly as long as you have one healthy meal a day that's fine! And don't worry about your weight, we all do, but it's hard to get it off especially if you have trouble walking.. and anyway we who are home alone tend to eat for comfort, out of anxiety, boredom, stress... I do it too, I'm just lucky I'm tall and can hold a bit more weight fairly easily..

I'm sorry you're feeling so blah dear Paws... little Sam sends the fluffiest and softest hugs and cuddles...

Doing puzzles and things is fine... and as for sleep, I tend to be up watching music videos on Utube until nearly midnight and I don't notice the time.. so I'm all over the place re sleep too..

My friend in Queensland lives alone and has trouble getting her home to stay clean and tidy... same problem I think, it's being alone... and it's harder as you get older, physically hard... she is younger than me but her home is messy - but i don't mind that. They say creative people are messy by the way, so maybe that's it! Maybe we're creative types..

I'm not offering much help am I? I can just sympathise as I have the same problem...

Just hope you feel better about yourself soon... you're so much help to me... and there's nearly always a lovely kind post from you on my thread...

Wish we could come by and help you get the house into shape.. but we'd probably sit there doing puzzles with you instead.. oh dear I'm not helping am I?!!!

Don't fret too much, we don't care about your house.. fluffy hugs hug hug

[Hanna3]

Paw, Margaret Olley was a terrific artist and I love her paintings, she lived in the big city in my state NSW - Google Margaret Olley house and have a look at the images that come up - some are her paintings of the inside of her home but others are photographs - now that was a lady who lived with a heap of stuff and clutter and was never tidy!!! And she's one of our most famous artists. I watched a documentary about her, she did have a cleaning lady but the cleaning lady found it hard to clear a space...

See, maybe we're creative types Paws! Anyway, we're definitely not alone.. in not coping with cleaning/gardening/clutter etc etc. Hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws...and everyone.

If it’s okay..I will join the unmotivated club with you all...my home needs a good clean...I think your so right Hanna..When we live with only fur babies..and no one else to see our hard work cleaning up..it’s okay not to...I have to be sneaky though...and have it clean when my support worker comes to visit...

I so much wish I could help you sweetheart...Life is hard and complicated...Please..try hard to not be so hard on yourself...Your doing the best you can Dear Paws..I haven’t even made my bed now for a week...I sit outside that much instead of cleaning my house, that people must think I am a statue..

When I feel good enough to do something..then that’s when I do it....there’s no hurry dear Paws...Your Mental and physical health comes first, before anything else..

Paws..Do you think making a list, is a good idea?..It kind of commits ourselves to doing the things on the list...Maybe it would be easier for you to just do the things that need doing randomly when you feel to do them...idk Just my thoughts..

I really hope your okay lovely lady...

Sending you 2 furry hugs from Kya & Ebony and a gentle warm and caring hug from me...

Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Ps Paws -

You're definitely NOT useless, you help people here and you take care of Woofa... you've helped me heaps and also with little Sam when I couldn't get him to walk down the streets here when we moved... and you ask after him when he's sick - that support means so much...

And there's nothing useless about doing puzzles and watching TV and reading or just sitting - it sounds like you worked very hard when you were younger, so there's nothing wrong with what you are doing.. gosh I don't do much either.... I enjoy just sitting in nature..

I don't think it matters how much you achieve now... time to relax... do things as/when they suit you as much as you can.. time to rest and think and do nothing... why do we think we have to be doing things so much... nobody minds the house...gardening is hard work - can you get anyone to help you with it for maybe a small cost?

You are being too hard on yourself Paws.. look at the people who care about you here that you've helped and continue to help... little Sam sends hugs and hugsoxoxoxo