So, how was your day?

[Doolhof]

I've had a busy kind of day that went very well. I have managed to work, go for a swim, had lunch in a park, enjoyed a coffee and biscuits with a client and looked at the second hand tent we have just bought ourselves.

I went down to the chook house to check on my "ladies" and had a chat with them while they clucked away waiting for me to feed them. I also had a look to see where we can set the tent up in the garden this weekend to try it out. I'm already thinking of places nearby where we can go camping. I will also ask my sister and nieces if they would like to join me sometime.

Please feel free to contribute and share how you have spent your day.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Mrs Dools

Yes I agree, anyone is welcome to give us their thoughts, I don't think either of us mind.

Sounds like your new clients will be enjoyable to work for, that's good, I'm pleased.

I hope ANZAC Day went well for you, my dad was in WW2, I didn't go to any parades, I don't handle large crowds well. I also hope the weather was good to you even though you would have been all geared up, nice weather would have made the day better.

I have had 5 days of the deep blues but today feel a little better, just as well I am joining a group this afternoon playing Crazy Wist to raise money for charity. I will put on my mask as I often do in company.

I spend more days down than up but with the intensive therapy I am doing with the psychologist, my psychiatrist says that is to be expected. Once upon a time I rarely had an up day so things are improving just really slowly. I want the magic pill ha ha, it doesn't exist.

My unit is on a corner and one of the streets is being resurfaced today, all I can hear is beeping, large trucks and dozers, etc.  They finish tomorrow and the road will be pothole free. My cat is unsettled with all the noise but can't be helped.

It's really windy today which is making it a little chilly, that's ok I prefer to be a bit on the cold side, can't stand the heat and I live in the sub tropics, go figure. My husband was in the army and this was the last posting before he left so I stayed.  Mum was here then so it just seemed the right thing to do and it didn't disrupt the boys schooling either.

I had better go and get ready for Crazy Wish, haven't a clue how to play.

Have a good day everyone

Hugs Mrs Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

Hi. I am sorry to read that you have been a bit down lately. I am sure going through    the stuff you are dealing with is quite emotional, confusing at times and hard to cope with. Your psych is right, it is understandable.

Ha. Ha. I think we are all looking for the magic medication to make life excellent! When you find it, and it is legal, let me know!

Hopefully the road works will be finished on time and your cat can chill out again.

The ANZAC Day parade went well. I hung around after to enjoy the breakfast and had a chat with a few people. I don't really like crowds either, and had to force myself a little to join in and hang around after.

Our trip to the beach didn't quite happen today! We did go to Port Adelaide, but checked out some markets, went to a pub that brews their own beer, had a look at the hull of an old ship on dry dock open to the public for quite a price, and then to the main street to look in a shop my husband was interested in.

We drove along the beach front for about 5 minutes, so that was my beach fix so my husband said. We had to get home in time for the Aussie rules footy!

The morale of the story is, that next time I want to go to the beach, I will go by myself. I did buy some flowers for myself though so that was lovely.

If the weather is okay later on in the week, I have a spare afternoon and one spare morning, so I hope to get out into the garden and pull some weeds before they become like a jungle!

I keep forgetting to ask one of the CFS members if we can borrow a couple of sheep for the bottom of the garden, so hope I remember to do that at Wednesday at training.

Hope you enjoy the Crazy Wist afternoon. I have never heard of it so will be interested to find out about it.

Also hope your weekend went okay.

Cheers to you Anne and to anyone else reading.

Thanks for the hugs, I send some right back for you!

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Mrs Pools,

Feel silly saying that as I'm 10 years older than you. Never mind.

Yes it dawned on me yesterday that the reason I had been so down for that week would have been talking to the psychologist about the incest.  I can talk about it in general but when referring to specific incidents well that is a different story.

Yes the magic pill, I did laugh when I read the 'legal' comment.

They haven't finished the road works, they have done the first layer of tar but it is still unfinished. They sent around a notice saying what and when they would do things and it is suppose to have taken two days so don't know what is going on.

No beach that is a bit tough.  Hopefully you can get there on your own sometime. The flowers sound a good consolation prize.  My friend and I are going to the beach on Sunday so I will get some more shells for the glass bowl I have some in. They look good.

Sheep sound good, I remember when I was a teenager a house near us had a sheep and it was tethered to a post and the owner moved it around the yard.  The sheep had room to move and seemed very happy munching the grass.

Crazy Wist is based on 500 but you score each round. One hand might be trumps hearts, another hand no trumps, another hand all cards remain face down, etc. You constantly change partners and tables, was fun.

Had the contract gardeners in today to mow the lawns of the units and trim bushes and stuff.  My front yard is fully fenced, they mow and trim the bushes that are overlapping the fence but don't trim inside my area, crazy.

Everybody around me is saying I seem more settled, not breaking down in tears every five minutes like I use to.  I think the psychologist must be making a difference even though at times I find it traumatic.

Hope you are going ok with you depression or what ever it is the you may suffer from.

Hugs and good thoughts headed your way.

Anne

[Doolhof]

Hi Anne,

I guess Mrs. Dools must be strange for some, so call me "Lauren". I haven't ever liked my real name anyway, so Lauren it is. I don't have a middle name to use either.

I don't know where the days have disappeared to lately! This week has flown past. I have assisted one of the new couples I am helping locally.

The lady made me laugh when she said she would check out my cleaning skills before she let me loose with her vacuum cleaning. Oh dear. I am there to clean not take flying lessons on her appliances! Ha. Ha. She also has a twin tub washing machine!

This weekend we are heading to the River. There is a boutique brewery my husband wants to go to and I am hoping for an afternoon cruise on a small river boat. So we will see if that actually happens. We are not sure if the boat is still running this time of year.

It is wonderful news that people are noticing and telling you that you are doing a whole lot better.

It is worth doing the hard work with the psychologist to have an improvement happening in your life. Sometimes it is really hard to dig up those dreadful memories, but after having done so, I find it to be almost liberating.

As for me I suffer from depression, stress PTSD after the loss of our babies and am also having the pleasure of going through menopause!

We have a new training officer at the Country Fire Service where I train each week and try to help out when I can with incidents. She is a bit like a pit-bull, but we will all learn so much along the way!

Sometimes I find it very difficult to make mistakes and accept them, so this is a very good learning curve for me!

Today I have only one client to assist and will be driving for just about as long as I will spend time assisting her! At least I will be driving in the country and will be able to enjoy the changing scenery around me.

Hope you manage to make it to the beach and you find some lovely shells. Some of those "Cheap" shops sometimes sell beautiful shells at a very reasonable cost. You might like to have  a look for some.

Cheers for now, love, care and hugs to you, from Lauren

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Lauren,

Nice to met you.

Isn't it funny how people react to having their house cleaned. When we were little mum use to have the place cleaned but she would run around before hand just to make sure it was nice and tidy for the cleaning lady  huh, what.

Tomorrow I am suppose to be going to the beach with my friend but will wait and see how the weather is.  The last couple of days we have had so much rain  with flooding that 5 people died with their cars being sweep away.  Sorry, I never left my house unless it was absolutely essential. We are told time and time again not to drive into flooded roads, all these people did and lost not only their lives but family as well. Sad.

It is good people are commenting on me but I don't feel better, I'm not dissolving into tears at the drop of a hat unless it is my shrink or psychologist. With them I lose it easily, that's what they are there for I suppose. So I suppose things have changed.  Saw my GP and ended up in tears talking about my weight, sometimes feel a lost cause.

Sounds like we have similar issues and thank goodness I have been through menopause without to many problems.

I am the same with making mistakes, I guess we all hate making them. I do try and except mistakes are part of life.

Next weekend I am driving from my home in Brisbane to the Gold Coast where mum is to spend the weekend with her, not much country to see all highway.  I do feel like I am having a mini holiday when down there but never manage to relax completely so always feel anxious to get home.

I have spotted shells in the cheap shops but it would cost to much to fill up the bowl I have so will gather as many good ones off the beach as I can.

I had a blood test yesterday and the collection lady was having a horrid time with life.  I encouraged her to talk and she has lost two brothers to suicide, one recently.  I brought her a small bunch of flowers and took them around to her to brighten up her day, she was teary.  Made me feel good.

Rambled on enough.

Hugs Lauren

Anne

[Doolhof]

Hi Anne,

So did you get to the beach or was the weather too horrible for that? Today we are actually on alert for a high fire risk! It is going to be about 28 degrees and very windy with thunderstorms later in the day. If we have lightening it could start up fires!

The storms and flooding on the eat coast have been very tragic. It is so very sad to know people have lost their lives. It seems some people just don't understand the risk of driving through water. It is so very sad for their family and friends who are now grieving their loss.

We managed to clean up some of the garden on the weekend so that was lovely. Last night I caught up with friends for one of my girlfriend's birthdays.

Today I have a couple of clients to assist and will go for a swim as well. I am hoping to make it to the tourist place to buy a walking map for our area.

I'm also going to purchase some crochet yarn as one of the members at the Country Fire Service I attend has dreadlocks and has asked if I can crochet her some flowers on a "tube" that she can pull on and off the dreadlocks. So I will give that a go.

My husband watches a lot of sport, so I sit in the lunge room with him and have started a crochet blanket. I am not sure how big I am going to make it!

I don't seem to get much of an opportunity to watch anything I would like, my husband just doesn't understand why I don't want to watch sport 7 days a week! Apart from the news that is about all he watches.

Going back to shells, the last few times I have been to our local beaches, I don't recall seeing very many shells at all. Hopefully you will have more luck when you get to your beaches.

Cheers for now from Lauren

Oh yes, I was going to mention that tears can be very healing!

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Lauren

I did get to the beach and it was wonderful as always.  I collected enough shells to fill my bowl and it looks really house and garden type with a bit of drift wood leaning up against the bowl.

It is tragic to hear that so many lives were lost, some people were parked so as not to cross flooded rivers and the water was rising up their wheels as they sat there. They had to turn around and move to higher ground, scary stuff.

I am with you in the sport watching, my ex-husband watched not much else, then he would tape football games and watch them over and over again.  I didn't have much choice on tv programs either.  When my ex left I banned football on tv unless the boys got their own tv and put it in their rooms.

Having a rough day, have progressed from writing about my brother to verbalising it to myself in the mirror, really  difficult but it is the next step to recovery.  I have been burning candles of jasmine and vanilla and the unit has a wonderful aroma to it.  I have been using my learnt strategies to get through the day and am doing ok now, the morning was a bit rough.

My car is off at the mechanic's getting the rubbers and seals replaced, my car sounds like it has arthritis like me, it creaks.  When I get it back today it will be as quiet as a mouse. 

I am going to take mum out for mothers day on Saturday to a new vegetarian café down the coast, she is vegetarian and has been for many years.  They specialise in whole raw foods and mainly salads, smoothies and veggie juices. I had a plate of two salads last time we went there and they were so tasty I have been trying to duplicate them at home, not very successfully as I'm not a very good cook. I normally go down Saturday and drive home Sunday as my arthritis doesn't allow me to do the trip in one day. So I leave early both days to beat the traffic, it works for me.  I still find the drive very tiring but I manage and mum enjoys the company. I think I'm taking her shopping this time as her hip is not good and she doesn't want to do it on her own.

That's all for now

Have a good weekend and mothers day, or try, I know it will be painful.  I will be thinking of you.

Hugs

Anne

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

I love the idea of the drift wood being incorporated with the shells in the bowl!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your Mum. Are you going to be able to catch up with your sons for Mother's Day as well?

My Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law will be here on Sunday along with the rest of the family. The just don't get that I might be sad on Mother's day as I remember our children and what could have been, so I don't bother to mention it to them anymore.

I usually light a couple of candles in memory of our babies but don't make a fuss about it.

Since I had the breakdown last December and talked a lot about our babies with a mental health nurse, I have felt a lot better about our children and it doesn't hurt so much.

Hopefully you will come to that point with your brother. It is a bit different for you though, as you still see your brother.

I'm catching up with my sister's children soon so I am looking forward to that.

Tomorrow we will hopefully go to Renmark on the River Murray as we have been meaning to do for a couple of weeks now.

Last night my husband was out so I had the t.v to myself but I couldn't find anything I wanted to watch! Ha. Ha. My favourite shows were not on!

Thinking of you and wishing you well with your therapy.

Cheers for now, love from Lauren

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Lauren,

Yes the drift wood does add a new dimension to the bowl of shells.

This morning mum and I went around and did some shopping which was fun.  She had a stroke a couple of years back and even though she is doing incredibly well she gave up her car which she is now regretting.  She does have someone to take her shopping fortnightly but it is not the same.

Your family sound like mine, don't want to touch on the hard stuff.  I wouldn't expect you to feel any other way but a bit sad on Mothers Day but that doesn't mean you will hide yourself away.  It would be nice if one of them asked if you were ok.

I will light a candle for your babies too tomorrow and for all the mothers out there that have lost children.  I feel like I have lost my youngest with him being in jail, I expected a Mothers Day card but didn't get one.  I too will be feeling a bit sad tomorrow but will not show it when visiting my oldest son.

I don't have a good feeling about my youngest.  The first time he went to jail he phoned me often and sent letters to, mind you I did visit, this time is different, no communication from him other than 1 letter to tell me where he was.  I said last time I would not visit again if he went back to jail and I feel I must honor that or all the tough love I have done with him will be meaningless and he will feel he can walk all over me again.  Heart wrenching but I must be tough, won't do him or me any good if I cave in.

Yes I wonder if I will ever be at ease around my brother, I am working on that with the psychologist but its a difficult one as I do see him at family gatherings.  I have two choices, see him with my family or cut out my family from my life, I just can't do that.  Maybe when mum passes on.

Lauren, that 's so funny the one night you have the tv to yourself you can't find anything worth watching. Always the way.

Enjoy your family tomorrow.

Until next time

Hugs

Anne

[Doolhof]

Hi Anne,

Without going back through all your posts, I am not sure you mentioned you had a son in jail. I'm really sorry for both of you that this is the case.

Not having children as you know, I am not sure how you must feel about this. It must be heart breaking for you at times. Does your other son keep in touch with his brother?

I hope you have a lovely Mother's Day regardless of all your circumstances. Maybe if you don't hear from your son in jail, you can phone him. To me it would not mean that you were being soft, just that he is your son and you love him.

Of course I have not walked in your shoes and I don't know what went on in the past.

Well, we didn't make it to Renmark yesterday! This time the brewery was closed for a wedding, so it is a good thing my husband phoned to check things out!

We did go for a wonderful walk in out own local region with a friend and her dog Bella. We saw some amazing countryside, a delightful gorge and a couple of kangaroos. We had wonderful sunshine as well.

Today it is grey and raining. A lovely day to have the wood fire going and lots of candles burning.

I will phone my Mum shortly for Mother's Day and get things ready for Michael's family. I will smother them with love and care event though I don't feel like it, but that will make me feel much better!

Wishing you a wonderful day.

Cheerio for now, love and hugs from Lauren