Small steps and worth

[bpd1990]

Its not easy. No matter what… no matter your circumstance, the mistake you have made, where you live, how you handle things, no matter what you are worthy of life! Sometimes it feel your not but if you take anything from this story take that you are worthy of life or care and support and don't stop til you get it. I have many times thought that I am not worthy of life. I have hated myself for so many years hurt myself in so many ways. I’ve given up hurting myself in different way to take up other ways of hurting myself and not even realising it. I’ve stayed alive for my family they have been my rock. A doctor got me to write the reasons I wanted to live and it was because of my family I use to read that every morning to remember why I was awake why I had to get out of bed. I have never ever done it for myself. I would live my life around who was home and do a little as possible deep down I didn’t want to be here but I had to do it for my family. These past twelve months I have learnt a lot. I have had to fight to be heard to be understood. I have never been bigger in size then I am now but you know what I can honestly say I have never been happier. Twelve months ago I could spend $60 at KFC and eat it all. Not because I was hungry but it was just another way of hurting myself. I cant remember hurting myself in front of people I would do what ever I could do to hide it but you cant hide weight gain. You can definitely try I have been there but it doesn’t work. I can not remember a time in my life where I have not hated myself or been hurting myself. I always thought I had to be skinner, to be healthy to be worthy of life to deserve life I need to change. But as I said at the start and I want to make it clear right now right here you are worthy of life! Start small being a borderline I thought it had to be all or nothing but its not true. Start small. One small change. Get out of bed for an hour and then maybe two and increase or don’t, it’s a step right? Journal once a week increase it to twice a week and continue. Research place that can help you more. Sit with it go with it or don’t go with it. Walk up and down the hallway and then maybe to the drive way maybe not. Don’t think everything has to all pain or all wellness. You may not realise it straight away its going to feel weird but the biggest thing I have learnt in my journey so far is small step and no matter what YOU ARE WORTHY!

[Croix]

Dear Bpd1990~

Welcome here, there is a great deal of self perception and sense in what you are saying, both here and in your help to mb20lover

It takes perception to realise you are hurting yourself. The example you give about the KFC is spot-on. And most importantly you have come to realize that life is not all-or-nothing, but a series of steps in the right direction.

All-or-nothing simply sets you up for failure and hoplessness, each small step on the other hand is a victory, and victories encourage you to feel good and go further. Again the example you give, getting out of bed, is one many can relate to, myself included when I was particularly bad.

If there are places that can help - a gym, a support group, coming here, a councilor or therapist. - use whatever you can find. Trying by yourself is the hardest for most people and receiving understanding and encouragement goes a long way.

You are also right, sometimes doing something for someone you love may get you through when you would not get there just for your own sake.

Thank you

Croix

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Oh hey, what a gorgeous post! I'm really glad Croix bumped this post up so I got to see it. What a positive and wonderfully inspiring post. Thankyou so much for sharing!

Katy