Singles Support on BB

[smallwolf]

Hi,

This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being in a relationship etc. Many users put there stories in new threads each day, so existing users might not be able to find these other users and therefore might not be able to lend a hand of support. Some users might feel they are the only ones to experience this problem. So to help (?) users with similar problems I thought a thread where users, male or female, might eb able to support each other, and create connections even if in a virtual space. I hope you will find this space helpful...

Tim

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

Yeah I know what you mean. I have also been in that position as well. I find it hard to trust others and therefore I don't often share anything. I dealt with some toxic friends in the past which makes it harder for me to trust people.

[smallwolf]

@Billyc - I know you were joking but just in case anyone else has that thought this ain't a dating thread. In a similar situation to when I first went to the GP to talk about mental health issues, I thought I was alone, until I came here. In a similar manner while here I have come upon stories where the poster mentions issues with being single, and they might think they are alone. I hope this thread might help users see they are not alone, chat with other users in a similar position who understand what it is like and overall support each other in whatever form that takes.

@Aaron - the next question might be how to change our trust issues?

Thank you to all those who have responded so far.

[Billyc]

Yes definitely joking, I get the nature of your intentions with this thread and it’s a beautiful one.. well done!

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

I’m not quite sure how to do that. I tend to be more open these days as my social skills have improved. But I can’t think of anything beyond that.

I’ve really slipped badly again on this issue of never having a girlfriend. Even my psychologist is entertaining the notion now that it probably won’t happen either which is why I’m going to change therapists.

[monkey_magic]

Hi all,

I'd like to join this thread as I'm currently single and open to the mingle.

I'm a female mid 30's. The hardest part i find is getting over emotions. When i had a partner he'd hug them out of me. Human contact is what i miss the most. In saying that i do get that from time to time.

Been thinking bout joining a dating site..soonish..

That's all for now

MM

[Anon_777]

I think this is a thoughtful thread. There are a lot of people dealing with their own single life.

Like a few people here, I've had my trust broken. I find that one of the hardest things with single loneliness is not the fact that I feel like I'll be alone forever, because I don't think I will be, it's simply getting through life being single right now. Right now I feel like I'm in this place of constantly spending time alone and I don't know how to be okay with where I am right now. I know this is just one part of life that one day I will be able to look back on, but right now I have to live a part of my life that I don't like at all. If that makes sense? I kind of just feel like I'm stuck in a slow, lonely part of my life that I painfully have to go through each day.

[smallwolf]

Aaron,

It must be frustrating for you to be on that loop of the not having a girl friend. But also recognise how far you have come? And there is answer of a sort at the end of this post...

When I started to see my psychologist, my emotional vocab as somewhat limited. I would eventually find a thing called a feeling wheel that broke down general feelings like anger or fear into more specific words like critical, hate, etc.

From there I can go to google and search for something like "psychology" and the issue I want to "research" or find out about in myself. (I know you are studying, and would know how to search the Internet, and recognise a good site vs a bad site and about checking the author of a article is legit.) One site that I think are OK is psychologytoday.com.

Also because of the type of person I am, I will write down the main problem, and what are the barriers that would prevent me from reaching the solution. Each of these barriers could be seen as a (smaller?) problem in itself to solve.

Then I can back track my way from the bottom to the top once there are no more barriers. Of course, new ones might pop up to be resolved.

Not sure if any of this helped, but we have to start somewhere.

Tim

[smallwolf]

Hi Monkey,

Welcome. No need to ask. Though if I can ask one question...

Could you please elaborate on this statement - "The hardest part i find is getting over emotions"?

On dating sites, some of the other users would have to respond. I have little knowledge in that area.

Tim

[monkey_magic]

Tim,

Im often crying on the inside and a hug is the best release. Being single i don't wrap my arms around someone and get that emotional release enough.

[smallwolf]

Hi Anon,

That is quite an insightful post you have written. Purely in relation to my own issues I know there is nothing I can do about past events, yet they manage to hold us back. Something easier said than done is...

Leave your past betrayals behind. Resist the urge to dwell on those who have wronged you, and refuse to let these experiences get in the way of fostering healthy relationships now.

And part of the answer is to reframe what has happened, to look at negative situations from another angle, and that my might not have been our fault. And remember that we are not 100% perfect.

And that a good relationship like a plant take time to grow and mature. Watered and fed. And it takes time.

Tim