Self talk question?

[ABC01]

Hello All,

In my self talk I use the words Yourself and You. Should I actually be using the words Myself and Me?

Is it because I had to raise myself and self soothe myself.

Do you think it is healthy to use those words or is there a dissociation if I use them? Like it is more a parent to a child, rather then my actual mind to myself?

example: Show yourself how wonderful you are vs Show myself how wonderful I am.

You are alright (When I am having an anxious moment) vs I am alright.

 I also use my name. Like, “You are alright,——-.” (——— is my name). Should I be addressing myself by my name?

What are your thoughts,

Thankful for any answers.

ABC01

[sbella02]

Hey ABC01,

As someone who does this, generally I'll use "me" and "I", particularly when I'm writing in my journal. Alternatively - and this may feel a little weird to do - if you want to talk to yourself in the mirror, you could use "you". This may give it more of an "I'm talking to a friend or family member" feel, if you're looking yourself in the eye. I suppose it's up to you, and how you feel most comfortable. 

Do you keep a journal at all?

SB

[Croix]

Dear ABC01~

Please remeber that I'm just guessing, I've no special qualification on language habits.

I will admit that on times I've talked ot myself as another person after making some sort of horrible mistake, I's say " Well you mucked that up Croix" or words to that effect

I have a suspicion that many people treat others differently to themselves. For example I'm less forgiving to myself than to others.  So it may be by thinking of yourself as another person and talking in the 2nd person you unlock more compassion, forgiveness and understanding, which maybe you need.

It may give you a different perspective too, rather than being locked into yourself you may see yourself occupying a wider picture.

No idea if I'm making sense

Croix

[ABC01]

Dear SB,

 I do keep a journal and refer to myself as I or me. Is this why you ask?👍

Thank you for your perspective.

ABC01

[ABC01]

Dear Croix,

That was an interesting perspective on my question. And probably pretty accurate. I don’t believe I am an extra person. Just that referring to myself similar to the example you gave and mine too, it just feels more reassuring. Especially if I am self soothing or trying to ground myself. That may speak to my lack of self confidence if I can’t believe it from myself,if I try to say it using me and myself and I. And that sometimes saying my name to myself on those occasions has more resonance then if I were to just use I. Almost like mimicking what I would like someone else to comfort me in those times. Or the criticism I have heard when I have done something wrong before.

Thank you for your reply.

ABC01

[therising]

Hi ABC01

Personally, I find the 'you/your/you're/yourself' topic to be a fascinating one. It can involve quite the rabbit hole adventure, exploring what it's all about. There are so many different theories on it and I think it comes down to whatever we choose to imagine or relate to. In other words, whatever works.

Some of the theories

• The brain has 2 interactive hemispheres. While we could logically think (with one part of our brain) 'I should really go for that job', the non logical or more intuitive side may dictate 'You can't go for that job, it's not the one for you'. Some people believe that it's our intuition that talks to us
• We have many different facets to our self such as our inner critic, inner optimist, inner sage, inner adventurer, inner stresser and so on. They're different facets that go toward making up the whole of who we are. We can interact with facets of our self and develop them to serve us
• The basic 'angel on one shoulder, devil on the other' theory. So, the bright side and the dark side of inner dialogue, with us feeling stuck in the middle at times
• Clairaudience, also known as 'belief in divine guidance' or some other form of external guidance

and the list goes on, when it comes to all the theories.

As I say, I think it's about whatever works for us, that which does no harm. While we may call it what we will, you'll be guaranteed that certain people will raise an eyebrow, question it and/or criticise what we choose to imagine. If you choose to imagine it's a self soothing part of you, such as 'the nurturer' in you, channel it or tap into it if that's what serves you. The more you exercise channeling that part of you, the stronger it will become. Possibly the most important part of such interaction involves only doing it occasionally. If we're sitting around all the time doing it, this means we're not taking any constructive action in life.

[sbella02]

ABC01,

Yes - I suppose whether you're writing in the journal about yourself, to yourself, or speaking out loud about or to  yourself, my answer changes. It depends on who you're directing your affirmations to, and what effect you want them to have.

If you find comfort in people's words of affirmation, it may help to talk to yourself as if you're a parent speaking to a child, or a friend speaking to another friend (eg: using "you")

If you're speaking with the intention of helping yourself gain more confidence in your abilities and potential, it may help to phrase it differently (eg: using "I" and "me")

I hope this helps!

[quirkywords]

ABC01

I think you do what suits you.

I have written ,enters to dearQuirky  in third person that help me sort outdaily or weekly issues. 
some days I say you can do this keep going. 
I say I can handle this. Don’t let this upset you move on. 
it is not complicated it is about pronouns and what suits you

I you use it for my journal daily but I use it as much as it helps me.

i hope some of these suggestions help you. 

[ABC01]

Dear therising,sbella02 & quirkywords,

Thank you for your thoughts on this topic.

I asked my psychiatrist about this and they didn’t see it as a problem or dissociation.

They said as I heal and grow around what is and has happened to me, I will naturally lean towards me,myself and I. And if it is a coping strategy to self soothe, then it is okay.

So as long as it is healthy for myself, I will go with what I feel.

But I do appreciate the answers as they were all individual and unique.

Thank you,

ABC01