FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Recurring, confusing thoughts following psych appts

javalava13
Community Member

Hi,

 

I have had a pretty low year - I moved cities (in an attempt to experience change after a stagnant few years), had a period of suicidal ideation at the start of the year after a breakup (which I’m still working through over a year on - being my first relationship and quite complex), and ultimately have been struggling with pretty debilitating depression and social anxiety.

 

I’m quite stubborn and have some really big trust issues, so I haven’t been very honest with many people about the ‘difficulties’ I’ve had. But I have been consistently seeing my psych of a few years regularly through the year.

 

I have a frustrating relationship with/mindset around psych appointments. I've always struggled with trusting that my psych’s response to what I tell them is genuine and they're not secretly judging me. I also am incredibly hard on myself (I’ve been told, although I feel like everyone is) and just cannot silence or turn down the voice, no matter what I try, so I judge myself SO heavily about what I’ve said following appointments. I also have some abandonment issues so I think my psych (and everyone else) doesn’t want anything to do with me and wants to stop seeing me, but is too kind to confront me about that.

 

This year, I can (now, finally) see that I’ve slipped into this norm of being very low, not making much of an effort to improve, using my mental health as an excuse, and am just a pretty lifeless person to be around. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts since my last psych appointment, where I raised that I had realised I have very poor emotional resilience. She didn’t disagree (I wouldn’t want her to lie to try to protect me, but I guess I was almost hoping she’d say something in my defence), so that has cemented it in my head and made me go back through so many conversations and feel so guilty and ashamed of how weak I’ve been, and am. I am having all these urges to run away from everyone, to email my psych and apologise for everything, and cancel my next appt and never see her again because that is what I think she wants. This is recurring, unable to shake the belief of everyone wanting me to leave them and disappear.

 

I don’t really know what I’m posting for, but I guess I'd just love some advice re how to deal with these feelings from this appointment. I've raised these thoughts with my psych when they’ve come up in the past, but again, I can’t trust that whatever she says in response is genuine and truthful, not something she is saying just to protect me.

1 Reply 1

Thorney
Community Member

Hi! 

 

While I don't have much personal experience with many of the things you mentioned, I hope my insight can still be helpful 😊.

 

I want to tell you right now that you ARE moving forward as a person. You may think you are 'weak' but I see a very strong person who has not only reached out to a professional, but also to the forums. 

 

Sure, you could 'cancel' your appointments, but where would you be after that? You now don't have anyone supporting you professionally - and your thoughts may only spiral after that.

 

If you have a negative view of your current psychologist, then it may be a possible idea to change psychologists? However, if you have been seeing this psychologist for a long time, they may be the best ones to help you.

 

Now, you may be feeling like this because you are seeing your emotions and thoughts being reflected back at you through your psychologist, and you may not like it. The truth hurts. Take a deep breath, and understand that you are getting somewhere. You are getting help, as much as your mind thinks you don't need it/don't want it/it isn't true.

 

I don't know as to what you do with your psychologist/what they have asked you to do to help manage emotions etc, but perhaps journaling or a similar strategy can stop/help your overthinking? Sometimes I get caught up in my emotions and until someone 'pulls me out' can I see the bigger picture.

 

I think that right now, you are doing the best you can for yourself. Stick with it! And if you need a new psychologist, try that as well! 

 

I hope you will feel better soon, and I hope my comment helps. All the best 😊.