Post-HSC

[Thorney]

Hi! 

I recently finished my HSC. In all honesty, I think I did pretty well! I'm not stressed or anxious about my results. 

What I wanted to focus on was post-hsc emotions. I'm finding it hard to adjust to life now - not having to do much, and relaxing. I cannot remember the last time I fully relaxed. 

I can't actually find many stories about people post hsc, only stress and anxiety during the hsc; hence I am wanting to know about other experiences! 

I'm not exactly depressed or anything, I just don't really feel excited about anything. I'm going to Uni next year and doing something I really, really like - and I'm just not excited about it. I think it's part of myself relaxing and being content with where I am and not being ready to move forward. I think about living alone and I just can't fathom it. (I won't be living alone for a number of years, but it just seems like another massive change and I don't know how people do it). 

Pre-HSC I was (and still am) an introvert and I prefer being alone. But now, I seem to want to be around people (a lot!), likely for familiarity. 

I'm also really missing my friends - I try and catch up but there is just so much happening between all of us. I try and talk to family about some of my general anxiousness but they are busy (and/or dealing with their own stressors). I'm considering talking to a professional about my mental health.

During the end of my HSC I became so anxious I was throwing up just due to pure stress. I have never been an anxious person, let alone so anxious I had a physical reaction. I sought out some stress tablets and they helped. I had to take some post-hsc as well, because I just feel/felt so anxious due to this massive change in my life. It's all just so new. 

My question(s) are/is, how do you cope with these big kind of changes? How do you cope with feeling a bit lonely? How can I get myself to actually relax and not hold on to this kind of stress? 

I (like many others) are/am just so used to school, after so many years - it is such a massive change that happened so fast, I feel like I have whiplash. I'm not exactly struggling mentally, but I'm not the same compared to pre-hsc, and I want to make myself excited and a bit more happy again and honestly, just try and get myself mentally back to 'normal'. 

Thank you for reading. Have an amazing day! Please share some similar experiences if possible 😊. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am not your age (in my 60s) but wanted to give you some thoughts from the perspective of someone who has lived through a lot. I will leave any other thoughts to other community members.

You couldn't know this because you haven't been alive long enough, but over the decades, stress levels have risen to staggering heights, not just in school, but in the workplace, in communities, in just about every area of life. And it is not natural.

We currently live in a society that measures everything via profit and gain, we are taught to be the equivalent of worker ants to keep an outmoded system operating. It is why there is so much ill health that was not prevalent 100 years ago.

I think you owe it to yourself to talk to a counsellor to work through what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Think about it for a moment, you have been confined to a classroom for the past 12 years forcing yourself to learn an enormous amount of information and be tested and "graded" on how well you did and if you have earned the right to go on to further education.

The pressures on people today to perform are very destructive, you only need to look around these forums to see that. I would like to make a suggestion which you may or may not agree with (its all good either way). If I were in your shoes, I would be deferring uni for a year and do some travelling. Doesn't have to be overseas as that is expensive, but perhaps you could do some travelling within Australia. In my opinion, we actually learn a lot more about life through experience than we could ever learn in a classroom and it may be the break you need to feel enthusiastic about your uni studies again.

I don't know if this is of help, but I hope so.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo!

Thank you so much for your response. It did help me see that I am young and I am still learning, and that's okay - we are all learning. (We are all 'winging' life after all haha!) 

I am planning on going overseas with my family for a holiday! However, I would love to travel solo after my degree. That is something that is a definite. 

I am seriously considering talking to a mental health professional. I want to be able to enjoy Uni and enjoy the thing I have wanted to do for a long time. If I feel I am not ready for Uni I am considering taking a gap year, but I think I will be okay :).

I did do some more research into my feelings and emotions - and I think I may be recovering from burnout. I have always been a good student and I really pushed myself to see how well I could do. Of course, this meant consistent stress and pressure from year 11 (my year 11 results play into early entry for Uni, which I got into 🙂 ). 

Again, thank you for your insight. It is valued and appreciated! I hope you are doing well. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

I was thinking about your situation today and it struck me that you probably could use a passtime to focus on to help you wind down from all the pressure you have been under.

Is there anything you really enjoy doing? Reading, writing, art, music or something more physical like martial arts, tai chi, or some kind of sport perhaps?

I think it might help you to be distracted for part of the day doing something that interests you.

Its good to know you are open to your options with respect to a gap year. You have worked hard and got into Uni, congratulations on your achievement, now use that determination to find a good way to recover.

All the best,

indigo

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo!

I am working a fair amount of hours (nothing crazy but enough to keep me occupied + save money) which has been nice, and yes, I do martial arts! I have been doing it for a fair few years now 🙂 . It's how I remain physically active and I generally have that twice a week. 

Thank you for your continued support. It means a lot to me. 

I have found that I am becoming more relaxed but I am still slightly anxious/sensitive to change (as I am likely still adjusting, and will be for a while). I recently changed my room around (I know it seems small) due to other circumstances, and now I can change it back - but I have found that I am overthinking and I am struck with indecision. 

I have decided to change it back to how it originally was as I wouldn't have moved it in the first place, but I am worried that moving it BACK would cause more anxiousness.

The mind is a funny thing, isn't it? Currently my room is the only thing causing me anxiousness, as dumb as it sounds. Likely because it's the only thing 'out of place'. 

I have a few holidays planned upcoming before Uni and I am looking into seeing a mental health professional. This is mainly for the burnout, as I know my anxiousness will likely go away once I continue to relax (I'm only anxious for major exams, like my Trials and HSC, otherwise I am as cool as a cucumber). Hopefully I am in a better headspace before Uni (but once I get into Uni, I know I will like it). 

How have you been? I hope you have been well. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

I am doing ok at the moment, thank you for asking.

My specialty is dysthymia and major depression, have been dealing with them for about 50 years. Naturally some days are better than others, but I am a lot better since I moved away from the rat race to a quiet seaside town about 10 years ago. I live alone with no family left, no partner and no children.

I lost my feline companion of 16 years recently and that really knocked me about for a few weeks, we were very close and I miss her a great deal. I have been getting out into the garden and clearing away years of neglect and overgrowth and I feel it is helping by keeping me grounded as being in nature can do. I planted a rose for her and it is starting to bloom which I am happy about.

Anytime you want to talk, please just post here, I will be happy to offer whatever support I can.

That's funny that you already do martial arts. I have tried over the years to meditate but sitting meditation just makes me fall asleep. I did Tai Chi for a while a few years ago before I moved and found that a really good form of meditation for me (I need to give myself a kick in the butt and start doing it again 😏).

The mind is definitely a force all it's own, science still hasn't worked out all the subtleties of the what and why, perhaps never will. I do know from experience, when we are unsettled, change adds another level of burden because we are already out of our comfort zone. I sometimes get in the overthinking 'stuck zone' as well, so I get it. The fact that you changed your room around may be part of your anxiety so I think it would be a great idea to change it back and see if that lifts some of the anxiety for you. It is a small thing, but all the small things add up over time, many of which are out of our control, this is definitely one within your control.

It's good you are keeping busy with a few hours of work, I am sure that helps to some degree.

Is there anything in particular that acts as a 'trigger' for your anxiety? Finding your triggers can go a long way with managing anxiety.

I hope today has been a good day for you,

indigo

[Thorney]

Thanks for your response Indigo, I'm glad you are doing okay.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no family to connect with. I hope you have some friends you can talk to. I am sorry that you lost your cat, I hope you may consider adopting another eventually 😊. 

Gardening can be a really nice way to de-stress. I prefer indoor plants myself, but I know my family members like to get out and garden after work! 

Because my anxiousness isn't proper anxiety it's more closely linked to my stress levels (I got stressed in both my Trials and HSC, so it started to manifest as anxiousness + physical reactions e.g throwing up, loss of appetite etc). So I don't really have any 'triggers'. I think it's due to all the change I am experiencing - studying for my hsc alone and at home (some family members were with me, gratefully), and then finishing my hsc and finding my own ways to keep me busy etc. As you said, it is a MASSIVE life change. One I am dealing with very slowly. It's all very new. I have a lot more freedom and I don't know what to do with it haha! 

I think it's just my stress still manifesting itself. The less stressed I am and the more I let go of the 'negative hsc experience' the more I just don't feel that anxiousness. Aside from major exam periods, I do not feel anxious/anxiety at all. I'm hoping I will return to that kind of non-anxiousness phase, especially with no stressful things happening in my life at the moment. 

I naively thought the stress and anxiousness would completely go away once I finished (which happens normally after a period of assessments etc) but because I am burnt out recovery will take a while, I feel. 

Long story short me changing my room around was due to an external factor that was ALSO a large change (and source of anxiousness). I realised I didn't need that and returned the 'external factor' and so I can now change my room back. I think it's a large part of my anxiousness because I still connect that to the worry over changing my room around and that time of sorting things out. I know that sounds a bit confusing, but it's just a lot of my emotions attached to physical things and moments in time. Does that make any sense? 

But I am slowly returning my physical environment and mental environment back to normal, very slowly. Just so I don't upset the calm I am gradually making in my space. 

It's all very hard for me to describe. My emotions honestly don't make sense to me sometimes. Hence I am looking into a mental health professional so I can figure out what I want and how all of this is affecting me etc. 

So yeah. Thank you for your support, again. It's always nice to hear from you! I'm glad you have escaped the rat race. It's always nice to make a positive change, I think. To me, you seem like an intelligent and wise person. I'm glad you are sharing your wisdom and insight on the forums - it gives a younger person like me some perspective haha! 

Have a good night. I hope to hear from you again sometime 😁.

[indigo22]

Thank you for your kind words Thorney, it means a lot to me.

I mentioned in one of the earlier posts that experience teaches us more than any classroom ever could.

I left school at the end of form 4 (year 10) and left home when I was 16. Many people make the mistake of thinking that to be intelligent, you need to be educated and knowledgeable, but in my experience it comes from learning from mistakes and life challenges and remembering what you learned so you don't repeat going forward.

You have discovered a life learning lesson, you now know how much stress you can put yourself under before it is too much, so you will know in the future when to pull in the reins. If you can see all of your challenges in that light, you will learn a great deal.

If you would like to know a bit more about me, the link below is my first post on the forums

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/welcome-and-orientation/new-to-the-forums/td-p/566648

Please let me know how you are travelling, I will be here whenever you feel like talking.

indigo 💜

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo!

You are right, experience does teach us a lot. I feel like going through my exams I have learned a lot about myself.

I changed my room back around! I'm not feeling anxious about it anymore. It was like I never changed it in the first place, haha. 

Currently my thoughts are occupied by Uni. I have found that I am experiencing morning anxiety (I did have that during my HSC as well, but this is slightly different). I don't think I have GAD. I honestly just think this is a reaction to stress I am still feeling. Mainly because I'm not worried about the day ahead, I'm worried about Uni and studying (which I think I link back to my negative experiences of the HSC, and not to the positive experiences of high school). 

I am going away for a mini holiday with friends to celebrate finishing school, so I am trying to talk to my GP about a psychologist after that. 

I'm not closed to the idea of having depression/anxiety, but I honestly just think I am still dealing with left-over stress and burnout, hence I am still slightly anxious. But I am getting better. I think seeing a psychologist will help greatly and diagnose me if necessary. 

Today I had a bit of a worry with the morning anxiety - normally it happens during work because I wake up early etc, but today I have work a bit later so it's hitting me while I'm still at home and so I don't have a lot to take my mind off it. So I took a stress tablet. They help a lot, it's a plant extract that helps your body manage the stress. So not a hardcore drug or anything. 

How do you manage your depression? Do you have little coping strategies e.g doing small things that bring you joy (like gardening etc?). 

I don't think I'm depressed (as burnout and depression have a few crossovers) but I'm not closed to the idea that I may have very mild depression. It's all very new to me - it makes me feel slightly disheartened because it feels like I literally worked myself to the ground and I have potentially given myself mental health issues that may last for a while. I understand you can work through and overcome them, but it's still disheartening. 

For example, (as I have said before) I'm just not excited about anything. This trip I am going on is pretty exciting, but I kind of just feel indifferent to it. It makes me feel weird and honestly, a little alienated from myself at this point in time. I hope I begin to recover - whether that be with a diagnosis or just general help from my psychologist to tackle the burnout. 

Any advice and feedback would be greatly appreciated. I have downloaded some mental health apps to encourage meditation and little gratitude exercises, especially while I wait to see a mental health professional. 

I'm not worried about Uni exactly - I'm just concerned that I am not in the mental headspace to deal with studying again (as of right now). Normally I cope completely fine with school work and studying, but excess stress from my last few years of school have given me a negative view of studying and school work. I know school is completely different to Uni, but I can't help feeling that way. I have a friend who is doing the same course as me, so I am sure I will quickly adjust to Uni and begin to enjoy the social aspect and being around friends etc. 

What are your thoughts? I am doing the best I can to manage my anxiousness - aside from morning anxiousness when my cortisol levels peak, I don't feel anxious for the rest of the day. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

I wrote a long reply but it seems it has disappeared into the ether 🙄. So now trying to recall all that I wrote. The following is part of it and I will write another post as I recall the content.

You are doing remarkably well in managing your anxiousness, you are doing research and that is important in understanding your reactions to external stimuli. Try not to overthink it though, self-diagnosis is not usually accurate due to the number of factors involved. I am glad changing your room back has helped. The apps are a good idea, have you got ‘smiling mind’, I have heard that one is quite good although I have not tried it myself.

I do a lot of reading on mental health, have an endless list of books to read. There are a few suggestions I can offer you.

Possibly the most important one is to question your thoughts. When we go through a difficult time of stress (as you have done), our mind becomes our protector. This is a natural protective mechanism designed to keep you safe but in doing so, it can stop you from doing things that are potentially enjoyable just to be on the safe side. So with respect to your concern about Uni, your mind is probably telling you something like “You are not ready to do something like that, look what happened last time”. This is when you need to start questioning the validity of your thoughts.

How can your mind possibly know what the outcome will be of a different scenario?

Is there any evidence that what you are thinking might happen, will happen?

Since you have not experienced Uni, there is no comparison to make as yet. You get the idea.

So whenever you feel these fears or uncertainties arise, always question their validity, 9 times out of 10 there will be no evidence to suggest that the thoughts are correct, it’s just your mind trying to keep you safe. Once you learn to recognise that, you can choose to put those thoughts aside when they are not valid. It takes a bit of practise but I know you are completely capable of making a habit of it. The same questioning applies with self-esteem, self-confidence, insecurities, etc. These are the things we are not taught in school unfortunately, there would be far less mental illness if we were taught these important life skills early on.

Will post again soon,

indigo