So, my psychologist has pointed out to me that when I comment on my life, I don't comment on anything good that may have happened, along with the bad I feel. It all seems to get overwhelmed. I have also been told that I don't necessarily celebrate my achievements. I deem it useless, but apparently it's good for me (who knew?). If do look at what I have achieved, it is the same as noting facts in a history book. This happened, yes, because I did this, so what? That is what I think. Mostly, I think it because I go through such mental turmoil to achieve that to think back on the process hurts me too much. This was true when I did my Honours year - up until the end of last year I could not, not cry when I thought of that year. Graduation from uni was a shambles, I ended up going to a shopping center and cried in a corner somewhere away from anyone I knew. Anyway, I think that's the reason, the struggle is too painful to remember, and never forgotten.
Someone on these forums (*Cough* Carol *Cough) suggested that I come up with a good thing in my day everyday on here, for people who I know actually care about me to see, and somehow the fact that yes, I have done good, will be reinforced. I say this all with cynicism (but in no way reject the suggestion) because I have been programmed to think that anything good about myself should indeed be squashed, and all my faults should be highlighted, because how else am I supposed to be better, and if I bragged, I will get complacent and somehow lose respect for people and things and become selfish. In fact, apparently, I am all of those things.
I spaced out after that sentence...
Anyway, fighting against my nature here, I am trying. This may not happen everyday (covering myself here).
First one: Got a Tough Mudder event coming up and with the greatest difficulty I made a training plan.
What do you think?
