Hi Lumlo,
I agree with Kanga. You'll be much better off if you break it all down and define each little problem, rather than trying to take them all on at once. Concentrate on the most important and easier ones first. May i suggest that working on the problems at hand that concern you directly, would probably be ideal to work through first. Oneself is no good to others, if they don't take care of themselves first.
With the Chronic pain, Are you under going any treatment? Medication, physiotherapist?
Your depression and grief, Are you on medication and speaking with your doctor and/or Psychologist regularly?
I think once you can be sure that these things are being worked through or sorted, then you can move onto the next set of problems. I would think that the son who had major surgery may come next? What type of surgery was it if you don't mind me asking and was it a success? I'm truly hoping that it was!! From here, maybe find out what the recovery process is for him and if there's any planning ahead you can do for him to ease the recovery and also just ensure him that you are there for him and try not to take on all the added stresses and worry's that come with it. As these won't make any difference to anything, they are unwanted emotions that you weigh you down and you have to try and remain strong.:-) You just need to breathe and put your faith in him and that doctors.
Next, the son who is on drugs and dealing with mental health issues. Is this a new diagnoses or on going? It may be worth sitting down with him and try to communicate how you're feeling and that you are concerned about him. Letting him know that you are there for him and want to support him, should hopefully encourage him to open up and work with you. The key to all relationships, regardless of the issue. Is communicating. Mental Health is always tricky so it can be very overwhelming and painful to go through and to witness someone else go through. All you can do is be there for him, show him support and encourage him to seek help. As for the drugs, it may be worth trying to get a referral for a drug and alcohol specialist that can support him and give him to tools and assistance to break-free from the addiction. Legal issues are always a nasty thing, you'll just have to ride that one out i'm afraid.
I hope this helps you and if you have any more questions or need some support, please feel free to reach out.
Best of luck! Sending positive vibes your way! 🙂
