New Antidepressant working better but people who scapegoat

[Scapegoated]

STILL get to me because I have trauma from my narcissist mother and pedophile older narcissist sister doing that. They would watch me then ridicule and criticize me all because the BIG MAN ON CAMPUS my father favored me. They are mousy and I am pretty and exotic so they are extremely jealous and they hurt me when I was little emotionally so now whenever someone LOOKS at me I feel very self-conscious and I also do not like being scapegoated and people-narcissists -SMELL scapegaots coming and they will hunt you down. So Any group-at work or at school is potential for scapegoating and this new antidepressant makes me feel less self conscious but people are still staring and it just bothers me less. Someone told me that the guys say "she's really pretty but weird." Well, yeah, if you had two psychopaths for a mother and adult sibling mother like figure you would be "weird" read: TRAUMATIZED too.

I just go about my day doing what is healthy for me. trying to connect with Nature. Today I got my period so I didn;t feel like exercising.

[Scapegoated]

Update. MY new antidepressant is working much better and i feel A LOT Less anxious than i did. I was taking two different antidepressants one to put me to sleep and one that was supposed to help depression but i felt like it was ramping me up like a double espresso-which i never had but i get wired on any caffeine since i don't drink it. one frappaccino and i am bouncing off the walls lol. ANyway I feel MUCH better and my anxiety is down toa 1 form a 9. SO just an update. THanks.

[Pumpkinella]

Hi Scapegoated!

Thanks for posting the update - I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better on the new antidepressants. That's awesome.

I can feel really weird too because of past trauma and sometimes I get scared that people will take advantage because I am very trusting and I don't know how to stick up for myself.

I always get the sense that people are looking at me and thinking that I am a weird person. Maybe sometimes I do act a little odd, but not always. I actually like being a little odd at times because I think life can be a bit boring because we all follow the same rules of "normal" social interaction and sometimes it is far too constraining, not genuine and is suffocating. When I see someone act outside of social convention I don't think 'what a weird person' I kind of think its great in a way. A different form of expression in life that feels more real to me. So for every person that calls me weird I know there are others that appreciate difference. It's not really weird is it? its just different and sometimes people need to be liberated before they see that difference on the surface is nothing - it's just play. Deep down we are all fundamentally the same - all human beings.

So you just be your wonderful self, I'm happy you are feeling better. I'm sorry to hear what's happened to you I am sure along with the challenges you have some great strengths as well. Good on you.

Warmly,

Pumps

[Sophie_M]

Hi Scapegoated,

We're glad to hear that things are improving for you, thank you for updating us. We're always glad to hear how things are going, whether good or bad, and we hope that this community is a helpful space for you to discuss things.

It's good that you've been thinking about the value in connecting with nature, we hope you've been able to enjoy that. What do you like to do for exercise? A walk or run can be really good, but it's best to find what works for you.

Please remember that if, at any point, you feel you need to talk things through, you can call our phoneline on 1300 22 4636, or you can use the webchat or email here.

Kind regards,

Sophie M