My anxiety and depression is a formidable opponent, but I refuse to lose

[OZ911]

Looking back over the years I could see signs of anxiety as a kid.  Scared of the dark, fear of talking to people, petrified of spiders, & so on. No reasons for it that I could think of.  Growing up, and then as an adult, I just accepted it as the way I was, and never thought anything of it, because it didn't really impact on my lifeoverly.  Then last year it hit me with a vengeance. I'd just turned 48, and I had a major meltdown. Within a period of 5 months we'd moved house, our best friend's marriage broke up, my pop passed away, stress at work, & my wife was sick, not getting better, and we didn't know what it was. Not much joy here.  Pop's passing also brought back memories of when mum passed away suddenly 17 years earlier.  Never could understand why that happened.  I was at rock bottom, & considered suicide a few times, but managed to resist it.  Went to a counselor, started on mindfulness & mild medication, and things were slowly looking up. 

Then in October my world crumbled. My wife was diagnosed with incurable cancers. I was losing my best friend. This floored me at first, then I thought of her and our kids, and how it would be for them without my support. I realised I'd

made the right decision to not end it all. I stopped seeing my counselor in January. I've made great progress, and I'm on the RTR. My dad was great support as well.  He'd been through it when mum died, and he knew the dangers that lay ahead if I didn't get help. #lovemydad

Then, a few weeks ago, it

hit me again.  We live with my wife's parents now (she has constant care while I'm at work) and we have a 9 month old Beagle.  The dog thought it would be fun to chew on a chair.  This sent me into a spin.  With the immediate support of those around me I was able to quickly regain my focus and get back on track.

It's damn hard - every day is a struggle of sorts. I've had great support from my employer & work colleagues, friends at the footy club, & mostly, from family and close friends. In particular, our very close friend who's marriage went sour. She has depression also, and we often just talk to each other about what's troubling us.  It helps us both.  There are still some who don't understand it though, for whatever reason.

I treat

my anxiety & depression as my formidable opponent, and I refuse to lose. Like Holmes & Moriarty, I know there will be days when Moriarty has his little victory, but Sherlock Holmes will triumph in the end.

That's my story.

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[AGrace]

Hi Stewart,

Thanks for sharing your story. Although you've had more than your fair share of struggles it's admirable to see such resilience. Mental illness definitely has a way of showing up when we least expect it. My only hope is that for each challenge we face head on we are better prepared to battle the next one.

It sounds like you've developed a really solid support network, do you think this has assisted with your road to recovery? It's great to hear that communication between you and your friend allows you to open up to someone who has an understanding. Are you still practicing mindfulness? has this helped you through some of the continual challenges?

I'm sure that many others have also gained inspiration from your post. I hope that you will continue to share your progress with us.

AGrace