Minimalism and creating a peaceful space

[Clues_Of_Blue]

My parents are both hopeless hoarders. When I first moved out of Mum's house many moons ago, I marvelled at how much space I had in my tiny little unit. It was a new experience and I loved it. Even so, with me not being inclined to take up the torch of the hoarder, I managed to accumulate a lot. Sentimental bits from my younger days, gifts, free stuff I thought I was just too poor to say no to - could need it later, and not be able to afford it, right? There were also bills and sensitive documents I just didn't know what to do with, and boy do they pile up over the years! And worst of all, relationships - when you live with someone, they bring in their own lifetime of clutter, oftentimes leaving a whole bunch of it behind when they leave. And again related to being poor, if any money came my way I wanted to treat myself. A book, or an article of clothing was often the go to. Guess who had a bunch of books she never read and clothes that didn't get worn.

When I parted ways with my most recent ex, he left an extraordinary tonne of junk behind. I made it my mission to get rid of it, and along with it anything of my own I didn't want any more. I had gifts I neither used or particularly liked, boxes of books I bought with the thought I should get them while I had money to read when I didn't (they moved - along with the sensitive documents - from house to house in boxes that never got opened), even clothes from when I was a teenager (those suckers never gonna fit again, and they sure aren't in style any more). In the course of trying to find more and better ways to pare down all this stuff sucking the life out of me, I discovered there were a whole heap of other people who thought like me and wanted what I wanted. Minimalists. There are articles and blogs and tonnes of inspiration out there, and they helped me immensely.

I've been on the journey for a bit over four years, and it took most of that time to get my home how I want it. But now I can easily find things I want to use and don't have to clean, organise or maintain half as much stuff. I don't feel compelled to buy things on a whim or to feel good, because I just don't need them - I'm actually repelled by the idea of having more objects around me. I now have much more time and space and peace. I thought that worth sharing. What a fantastic tool it's been for looking after my mental health!

[ecomama]

Blue! we must've been writing our posts at the same time lol. Yours wasn't there when I clicked on the thread.

OH WOW! LOVE THAT PARAGRAPH beginning..."I know I go on about ADHD a lot, but given you would understand this..." bingo! 

I know this exactly FIRST HAND. It happens ALL THE TIME. I even got a folder out to write up a Household Inventory!!! 
I know we've changed rooms, moved stuff again and again. (We'd actually moved all the valuable stuff UPSTAIRS during the demon era as it had access to downstairs...blah blah..). Now the boys' renos downstairs... my garden... repairs on and on... 
Nothing's "right". Ok, that's not true, but so many things are wrong lol. 

I literally go walking to a room and can't remember what I was going to go in there to look for? 
I retrace my steps... 

I have lists EV-ER-Y-WHERE. 

I love "systems"! We need them! 
In planning the renos downstairs, most of which we'll do ourselves (Lord help us) & thinking ahead about what the boys will need is challenging. We are all just not really practiced at systems in all rooms. 
Our refuse systems are the bomb! Haha, chook food, compost, paper & cardboard to use in the chicken's spaces or burn, cans & bottles to cash in, recycling and lastly rubbish. This ALL works perfectly UPstairs. Downstairs not so well but we'll get there. 

I'm watching Gabe Bult & Benita Larsson on YT. Benita is my fave atm.. "A Day in the Life" ones annoy me lol. Her others are great!

My older kids helping with L hours is problematic. Getting to know the labels on all our neuro-diversities helps me understand why. Also the trauma aspect. They're all so busy, both sets of kids. The older ones get frustrated with the younger ones, "taking too long to make decisions". This scares the younger ones, seeing ANY signs of disdain. Prob due to the trauma affecting their processing to respond. They trigger big time, setting them back months! I'd rather they not help unless EVERYONE is in a buoyant headspace. 

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

They take a while to come through, sometimes.

Good work starting the 30 day challenge. It sounds like you have a lot of stuff to get through, so it's great you were motivated to do your 30 items on day 1. If the momentum is there, just run with it. Are you gonna be okay selling that furniture? Is there someone you could get to help with it, maybe offering a percentage of the takings (it's rare someone will do anything without getting something out of it)? I remember trying to sell stuff being so difficult and stressful I gave up and gave it all away, it was too much for me. Not financially sound, but I needed it gone. Freecycle could be helpful, I hope that works for you.

You said you had trouble prioritising areas to declutter. There are a few ways you could tackle it. I started with getting rid of objects that made me feel bad (aka my ex's stuff & things relating to him). It gave me a much needed mental boost to deal with anything else, I felt lighter. If you're finding things to be getting in the way of day-to-day functioning, I recommend starting with a space you use a lot, where you need to have a clear head, like around your computer if you do work stuff on there, or your bedroom if you need more space in the room and your mind to make sleep easier to attain (which you probably do).

I knew you'd get me about ADHD. And I get you about lists and systems, you echoed my thoughts about those perfectly. And folders and inventories, also the household waste management, ha! Done it all, friend. The good news about your systems is that if they work upstairs, you can adapt them to downstairs and get the same result. A bit of work, but I know you're up to it.

I'll take note of those YT personalities.

I understand about the older kids helping with the younger ones learning to drive. I have some thoughts about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - another joyful aspect of ADHD, but I'll save that conversation for the ADHD thread.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue and everyone reading... 

Yes I more than started my 30 day Minimalism Challenge. YAH we have, not TONS, but a lot of stuff to get out. 

Now the hallway is balancing bags for us to take out when we go the car. 
More stuff tonight. It's lots of fun. 

I've watched Marie Kondo's stuff and had her free book online in earbuds while I worked on clearing exes stuff out years ago. Although I kept the tools lol. 
It took probably 6 months to burn the paperwork from that and legal stuff I already had in my email. 

Thanks for your list! 

Check - My kitchen is pretty good. Some 2nd round stuff to do but not alot. 
Check - My desk is freaking awesome lol. I can't think clearly if it's not. Drawers in it are super organised in little sections. Everyone knows where to get anything "Office" like paperclips of all types lol.. 
Check - bathrooms. I'm all over that but the kids are not... yet. They're loving buying their own self-care stuff and give me what they don't like. 
Hmmm my bedroom got a huge upheaval with removing a large wardrobe last week. Still sorting through. 

The other areas of our home need sorting. Issues are that the kids' stuff is sprinkled throughout and we're still in transition with bedrooms.. downstairs. Need to build them! 

I'll keep working on what I can work on. 

Selling stuff begins this weekend if all goes well installing what I need on my phone. If not, the hallway cupboard needs a go through. My cup runneth over with plenty to do in the ways of minimalism. 

Thanks for the support & tips! 

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hi again 🙂

Oh boy, I remember having bags of stuff everywhere to take away. Glad I'm past that stage. Feels kinda satisfying when you are moving that much stuff though, and seeing big changes. Embarrassed to say I didn't quite get the removal of paperwork finished. I did a big burn with it, then fire ban season hit and it's sat forgotten in the shed for a few years while other things took up my attention. Sigh.

Okay, so you're on top of some pretty important areas. I guess next, whichever spot bothers you the most? Bedroom, by the sounds of it. I can only imagine having to manage minimising with a household full of people. LM is thankfully on board with me, even though I'm very much the driving force. Don't know how I ever coped living with my mum and brother way back, there was stuff and mess everywhere. They're so much worse now, bring out the worst in each other, I guess.

I guess that's the thing - keep working on what you can. Inevitably, even when there are areas you can't do, there's plenty to go on with. Fingers crossed with selling stuff, I had such bad experiences with that I won't even try, now. It's not worth the stress.

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue, Thanks for your crossed fingers lol and advice! 

I haven't sold things online for a long while. Many people talk of bad experiences, there's always that. 
I've never been ripped off and in fact ex nut actually sent a package off to a lady worth almost $100 and she hadn't paid for it yet. It was the ONE thing I asked him to do at home while I was in hospital having my last baby. 

It worked lol, I didn't ask for help again! 
We'll be ok. If it becomes 'too problematic' (it's already alot to do anyway) then I'll ask a Charity to pick up the stuff or give it away on Freecycle or something. 

Freeing up my spaces and in turn my life / our lives is the aim. If I can make some money, then I'll try. If not then all fine lol, we got most of the stuff for free anyway. 

Decisions about some things is difficult for me. I've seen this dilemma mentioned on YT clips. The fear of throwing out stuff we'll need is real. Even doing that by accident, which I've already done! 
I'm a work in progress. 

Yes my bedroom and the continuous decluttering so the spaces don't build up can be my focus. 

Tbh my MAIN AIM is having the energy to keep working full time.

Thanks for your support 
EMxxxx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Any time, EM. 🙂

I haven't been ripped off either, it was more communication problems and having huge amounts of my time and energy wasted. Not worth it. Can't say I'm surprised about what your ex did, can't blame you for not enlisting his aid again, cute trick. Glad you have a plan B if selling stuff proves too troublesome. I genuinely hope it doesn't, though.

I'm really happy to see you talking about your goals of freeing up space in your home and in your life, and having more energy, that's really important. You have a clear aim, the same one I did/do (minus caring much about work in my case, haha), so your motivation should hold, especially as you have successes. Whether or not you make money, you will absolutely benefit from clearing those spaces.

You mentioned decluttering so spaces don't build up - half the battle is stopping the flow of stuff coming into the house in the first place. Stuff like saying no to freebies, throwing out envelopes when you get letters or packaging if you get a new thing you actually need, etc. Minimising works best if it comes from both sides, moving stuff out, and stopping it from coming in.

Happy to support you, I'm excited about your journey. 🙂

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue! 

Lol about motivation for work, I should've said motivation to keep my home! hahaha. 

Yes it's a beautiful feeling having some spaces cleared. I keep working hard on this. This week our garbage bin was full the same day it was emptied! The kids got the bug too 😮 and filled it immediately. I'll be walking up and down our street on bin night to top up neighbours bins. Hope it's a clear night lol. 

I'm pretty disciplined about mail. I open it whilst walking to the recycling bin, I have this system with my hands to keep the envelopes in one stack and the useless mail there too. I only keep what I need to respond to in some way or keep for records etc. In the bin it goes before getting to the front door. Any junk mail goes except for Pizza delivery specials the kids love to order. 

I seldom order anything online to deal with. 

Ofcourse the kids order LOTS with their own money. One bizarre surplus I've noticed is energy drink cups that come in a package with IDK... supplements to build muscles? Hopefully this phase passes soon. Stuff like this builds up. 

I seldom bring anything into the house apart from groceries. BUT that's a habit I've worked on changing. I seldom buy anything online, possibly some MH books 2y ago? 
Alexa said she feels so validated by joining online Crafting Groups for people with ADHD. THIS we've had a family issue with. I recently threw out a bunch of inherited items that were rusted etc. Stuff that was no good to use. 

It would help if I wasn't so sentimental lol. 

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Ah, motivation to keep your home is much more understandable!

It's great the kids are getting involved too, even if it does mean the bins keep filling up super fast. I'm glad you're feeling the benefit of those cleared spaces, it makes so much difference.

I think we've talked about mail and stuff before, actually. We have much the same system with it.

Those cups sound pretty annoying. Maybe ask the kids to get rid of any they're not going to use straight away, stick them in the op-shop pile before they can get swept into the household proper.

I don't get much other than groceries & medical stuff, either. Even that becomes a problem as in the current climate I feel compelled to go over it all with disinfectant wipes before putting it away, and I often don't have the energy to deal with it. Every hospital stay for LM results in piles of groceries on the floor that only get wiped as I need an individual thing, I hate it so much.

Hm, those inherited items can be a problem. LM's parents love giving us stuff and he lets it slide more than I would (not completely, he's getting better at saying "no"), it gets really stressful because I'm the one who has to get rid of it all once it's in. As for home-made gifts, I guess the best solution is for people to know you don't want any new things coming in right now.

Becoming Minimalist had some articles on how to deal with sentimental clutter, as I recall. Personally I don't have too much trouble with that, so I haven't needed much help. I think tips like keeping a digital photograph of an object rather than the object itself, or where there are a bunch of things associated with one person, just keep your favourite, that sort of thing.

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[ecomama]

Thanks Blue, that all makes sense. 

SNAP on the mail lol. I only keep bills that need paying. Take them out to my balcony lounge (my outdoor office lol), plot them in my phone Diary with a week before reminders AND a day before reminders. 
Then I go to my PAY DAY note in my phone and list ALL the lovely bills I have to pay out of that pay check. 

I'm doing 2 daily Challenges atm. One Minimalism, the other Financial. The money one sucks BIG TIME. I decided I made it up myself so I can minimise it too. The pays I can't do it the way I'd planned, I pay $1 / day. I'd have $365 extra if I did it all year, it's SOME THING! Having another surprise $480 bill to pay in 12 days was yuck but it's important so it has to be done. I actually put money away each pay for big bills like House Insurance. 

Yep now ONE neighbour's bin is over-full tonight lol. They moved out, great opportunity! Waiting... 

Those cups breed in my house! I slip one into the Charity sack here and there. 

We literally get 10 bags of stuff at once from my mother. Several times a year. I GO THRU each one immediately & carefully. We used to throw them out straight away until she asked if the kids got their money... ughhh. I felt bad, but they didn't want to go thru them. 

I donate heaps from those. The rest is newspaper clippings, too small clothing for the kids, sometimes jewellery lol. 

EMxxxx

[quirkywords]

Clues of Blue,

Thanks for your thread and your discussions. 
i have gone from clutter to nothing after bushfires to 2 and a half years later I have lots of books and Nic nacs, but to me they are therapy and not clutter. 
I have gone through my belongings at various times and given things away.

i know when people have lost everything tbey become minimalists.