Minimalism and creating a peaceful space

[Clues_Of_Blue]

My parents are both hopeless hoarders. When I first moved out of Mum's house many moons ago, I marvelled at how much space I had in my tiny little unit. It was a new experience and I loved it. Even so, with me not being inclined to take up the torch of the hoarder, I managed to accumulate a lot. Sentimental bits from my younger days, gifts, free stuff I thought I was just too poor to say no to - could need it later, and not be able to afford it, right? There were also bills and sensitive documents I just didn't know what to do with, and boy do they pile up over the years! And worst of all, relationships - when you live with someone, they bring in their own lifetime of clutter, oftentimes leaving a whole bunch of it behind when they leave. And again related to being poor, if any money came my way I wanted to treat myself. A book, or an article of clothing was often the go to. Guess who had a bunch of books she never read and clothes that didn't get worn.

When I parted ways with my most recent ex, he left an extraordinary tonne of junk behind. I made it my mission to get rid of it, and along with it anything of my own I didn't want any more. I had gifts I neither used or particularly liked, boxes of books I bought with the thought I should get them while I had money to read when I didn't (they moved - along with the sensitive documents - from house to house in boxes that never got opened), even clothes from when I was a teenager (those suckers never gonna fit again, and they sure aren't in style any more). In the course of trying to find more and better ways to pare down all this stuff sucking the life out of me, I discovered there were a whole heap of other people who thought like me and wanted what I wanted. Minimalists. There are articles and blogs and tonnes of inspiration out there, and they helped me immensely.

I've been on the journey for a bit over four years, and it took most of that time to get my home how I want it. But now I can easily find things I want to use and don't have to clean, organise or maintain half as much stuff. I don't feel compelled to buy things on a whim or to feel good, because I just don't need them - I'm actually repelled by the idea of having more objects around me. I now have much more time and space and peace. I thought that worth sharing. What a fantastic tool it's been for looking after my mental health!

[ecomama]

Hey everyone, 

Hi quirky! It's wonderful you are creating your renewed home, by gathering things around you that comfort you, after such huge loss. 
My mother went the opposite way and became a hoarder after we lost everything by fire. Sadly, she became very disorganised overnight, no wonder really, she was reeling with the losses of so much over so many years. 

Hence no modelling of any type of sensible organisation. (Plus the emotional behaviours of hoarding set in).  Not even the cutlery drawer in our childhood home was organised, which I find the simplest thing to categorise. Poverty also factored in there. 

Anyway... I'm getting things done here. Cleared out the TEA cupboard tonight, composting unwanted teas. PLASTIC CUPS lol, thermos cups and glasses. Dealt with one more bag of shoes. More kitchen utensils in the Charity bag. 

Last night I had to dispose of an EXTRA 5 bags of garbage in neighbours' bins. Luckily one set had moved out, other neighbours are slowly renovating, haven't moved in yet, and setting their bins out weekly. That's HELPFUL! 

My brother "donated" bottles for us to take to Return and Earn. By US I mean ME lol. I did that yesterday after work with a crick in my neck too. I had a CAR FULL and it had to go fast, the smell was making me sick yuck. 
Cardboard boxes to burn on the weekend. 

Hundreds of unwanted items disposed of this week and I can't see much difference!
But I KNOW it's gone so it feels good. 

Have fun minimalising everyone
EMxxxx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Quirky,

Thanks for stopping by. Sorry to take so long to reply, but I have a good excuse - I was busy getting married.

I think we've spoken before about how the fire impacted you. It seems like you have come away with a real sense of what is important to you, and what belongings are worth having. I hear you about books and understand the nic-nacs, though I'm less fond of those for myself. Where minimalism is concerned, it sounds to me like you're doing it right - it isn't purely about having less things, but about the things you own being things that have meaning and add value to your life in some way. That's the sense I get about your relationship with the things you keep - i.e. "therapy, not clutter".

I think minimalism is a healthy response to loss, but I've seen what EM is talking about, too. That compulsive hoarding that can come with fear of loss or poverty. It can swing either way, depending on the nature of the person. I'm grateful that you took the healthy route, hoarding is such an ugly thing, it carries such weight.

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Sounds like you're making loads of progress. I hear you about big bills upsetting the financial goals, though. I'm having problems with a lack of income stuffing mine up, just putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. At least our money doesn't stop us minimising, getting rid of stuff is typically rather easier than amassing.

I can feel the weight of everything you said about your mother. The hoarding, the disorganisation, sounds a lot like my mother. Her hoarding was largely about not having the fortitude to go through things to get rid of them. She's worse with that now. Thankfully, she doesn't give me anything, so I don't have to worry about that. I can understand the discomfort and stress you must feel every time your mother lands you with all those bags of stuff, it's not generosity when it's a huge burden. We're still trying to teach LM's dad that lesson, he loves stuff, and just doesn't understand.

I haven't taken in any deposit bottles for a while, but I know that stink you're talking about, it's revolting. Definitely don't want those in the car any longer than they have to be. And it can be decent money for a big run.

I know you're not seeing much difference yet, but it will come. If you're having trouble feeling like you're meeting goals, maybe take some before and after photos? There might be more difference than you think.

Blue.

[quirkywords]

Blue 

 congratulations on getting married 

thsnks for your kind words.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue and Quirky, hugs to you both! 

Waves to anyone else reading, stop in and have a chat, we're an inclusive bunch here lol. 

Mrs Blue, CONGRATULATIONS on your Wedding. I know you have a beautiful family already. 😍😍😍

Aunty Blue, get ready to be SO PROUD of your online nieces and nephews lol... they went wild with clearing out their rooms and wardrobes and any other space they saw! 

My pecs are growing, taking so many bags of stuff out to my car for donation. Our bin was full again the DAY it was emptied (it's prime real estate, our bin). 

THEN my adult children heard on their "siblings group chat" (lol) about what was happening here. 
This week they offered so much stuff (mainly kids clothing) to their friends with kids a bit smaller. 
Today it was like Pitt St at their houses. I went to help and wow. 

I was up at 6am on a SATURDAY, yeah that's dedication lol. Clearing out boxes to burn, I use the ashes in my pots and garden. I have more bags for bins. Hopefully one son can take stuff away tomoz too. 

I finally got an app linked today, so I can continue with the steps for online selling our stuff. 

Getting there
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hi guys,

Thank you Quirky and EM both. Yes, I do have the good fortune of having a beautiful family. Sir Pecks may be gone in body, but not in spirit. Our two birds featured heavily in the ceremony, as they do in our lives.

Oh, proud Aunty moment, that's really good. I'm glad your zest for minimising is sparking enthusiasm in your kids, too. Even the adult ones not living with you, that's pretty cool. Giving away stuff can be really good, it gets a new lease on life, being used and enjoyed by someone instead of sitting in a cupboard or shed. It feels good when others can benefit from the stuff we don't need.

Yup, 6am start on Saturday is dedication, I'll only be up that early on my work week-end. 😛 Sounds like more great progress, though, turning boxes into fertiliser. Nice. Fingers crossed your son can take that stuff away as you hope.

Nice work, here's hoping that app helps you make some progress there, too. I think I'm going to have to push LM a bit to gather his stuff for eBay to give our friend. Without it in one place, we keep forgetting about it.

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Mrs Blue, yay! 

It's funny you mention keeping stuff "in one place". I noticed at the ACs houses yesterday that they all do what I do... store things in a specific cupboard to offload. If I tuck anything away saying to myself "I'll remember where that is later.." I don't. I can't remember where I tucked stuff. This ADHD trait drives me crazy lol. 

So "touch it once" is a phrase I say to myself now. 
Don't want it? 
Touch it once, out to the (wherever), being my car for Charity bins, etc etc. 

Son wanted to do the "I'll leave the 6 bags of garbage _____, I'll remember". 
I said "Let's do it now". So we packed his car with 6 (yes it grew lol) bags and they'll be off to Alexa's community skip bins. He also went thru all the garbage downstairs as their friends just leave all sorts in the wrong places lol. Cans / recycling / cardboard we need to burn etc. 
It's becoming the boys' chores on a Sunday which I'm HAPPY for! 

Gabe Bult on YT says something like... when the crit hits the fan, we're only as functional as our systems in place. 

Things change all the time here, kids get new extra employment or studies. Every day a child takes an extra shift or swaps a shift. Stuff happens. 

Tonight I'll be clearing out our hallway cupboard and more of my shoes! 
Love EM not Imelda. 

[Clues_Of_Blue]

I guess Mrs Blue-LM, really. 🙂

Yup, that's why I stick things in a specific place. Mind you, even that doesn't always work, but it has a notably better success rate than "I'll remember where this is later". Reality - no I won't. My ADHD says anything that is to go out of the house gotta be by the door so I literally can't leave without tripping over it. I don't know if it's this bad for everyone with ADHD, but working memory is hands down the biggest problem I face, most particularly with mundane things.

What's the origin of the "touch it once" method? Sounds vaguely familiar. Is that to help it get into memory, or to connect with the object in some way? My touching of the stuff involves hoofing it out the door!

6 bags, now. Great, more stuff gone. Totally with you on the "let's do it now", much more effective policy. Great that the boys are getting a routine of sorting rubbish/recycling on Sundays. Routine, as much as we rail against it, is good for our forgetful brains.

That's a valid quote, I do agree about the systems we have in place. The areas where I have built systems I do much better. It's been hard working out systems for some things since LM moved in, I get really chaotic when I'm trying to work around the needs of another person, but we're slowly getting there. I can't imagine having to do it with a household as full as yours, it must be a huge challenge for you.

Haha, I'm just old enough to get the Imelda reference, I haven't heard her mentioned in many years. That woman sure loves shoes. Good luck with going through all yours.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Mrs Blues - LM, that gave me a chuckle. 😍 - 😍

Tell me about it! Fortunately these children grew up with the "disposal of rubbish system" at least. As they were growing & my 2 batches were driving me nuts (nowhere NEAR as badly as the demon), I had to dig deep to think of ways to deal. I imagined how other mothers eg managed washing clothes. Our 3 rectangular baskets in the laundry was birthed from these imaginings. This works BRILLIANTLY. Whites in one, blacks in another,  colours in the last. Linen goes in the machine immediately or hung out till dry, then go in as a full load. 

The kids feel guilty if they wash clothes on a half load, it seldom happens. 

We have so many other "systems", built over time. 

The upheaval of the recent years hasn't helped. Now we're creating more bedrooms downstairs, still settling into our new rooms upstairs. Plus back yard & all the equipment needed for organic gardening. 

Touch it once... for me means, "deal with it now to it's place". Just so I DON'T stuff it somewhere or leave it laying about to touch it a million times, moving it, moving it etc. 

6 bags was ONLY the bags going to Alexa's!
300 Return and Earn containers cashed in last week. 5 extra neighbour's bins topped up lol. 4 bags to Charity bins. I also took a box of stuff to give away to staff last week & it went in a day! 

(And secretly between you and me, I'm handing over just a COUPLE of the AC's things they left here years ago each time I see them... hoping they won't notice! 😅)

Difficult decisions to be made on some things. Not tonight but soon enough. 

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hi everyone, 

I think I've crossed a line. I'm now feeling energised, fuelled by frustration and anger to get this stuff OUT. 
Is this normal Blues? lol. 

ADHD is not helping tbh. 
I literally forget what I was doing / focussing on and start somewhere else ALL THE TIME. Like ALL the time! 

Mostly it's when I take something in the wrong place, to the right place in the house. 
OR take stuff to the Charity pile or garbage bins and get totally distracted. 

Maybe I need to take 2 bin bags IN to my room? 1 for rubbish. 1 for donations.
A tray maybe for stuff in the wrong place?

I walk past things I could do bec I know I was working on some specific space, then a child asks me a question or needs something and it's hours or days before I see that space I was working on and omg, I forgot! 

Triggers and fears are another thing too. 

It's exposure therapy for triggers but with other stuff sparking this too, I get a feeling of overwhelm and need to move somewhere to calm myself. 

On my way home from almost any trip, I IMAGINE My room the way I'd like it to be. Then get home, empty all the bags of shopping, feed pets, do washing, cook dinner.... flop into bed. 

IDK. I'll have to compartmentalise my times for this and just do incidental throw outs outside these times. 
But I'm getting angry about it lol. 

EMxxxx