Menopause 🙄

[Saffi]

Post menopausal 5 years now.  Has anyone else’s marriage reached breaking point during this time?  Don’t know who I am anymore, and don’t like who I’ve become with the husband in the last few years.  No interest in an intimate relationship anymore, and just can’t deal with his total oblivion to everything.  Definitely goes hand in hand, but so over talking to myself.  Even a toddler could give more consistency.

[sbella02]

Saffi,

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation. Thank you for sharing your experience so openly with us, I hope you can find some comfort here on the forums.

I may be quite a few years off reaching menopause, but I am a woman myself, and have been in many situations where I've heard older women talk about their experiences with menopause. It does make sense that you're having some difficulty within your relationship at the moment. Your body has likely been under a lot of stress as it prepares you for the next biological phase. I'd imagine it must feel invalidating to have somebody you're close with responding to your experience with oblivion. 

Are there any other people in your life who may understand, or who would be able to offer support or comfort? Otherwise, would you feel comfortable opening up to a GP, therapist, or psychologist about how you're feeling? It can often help to have some insight and support from a third-party or professional. 

I hope this helps a little, please feel free to keep chatting with us some more if you'd like, we are here to listen. 

Take care, SB

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Saffi,

I am in the late stages of perimenopause and I can relate to the awful feelings and changes. However, I'm not in a relationship so I can't directly relate to knowing what it's like to be in a marriage that feels it's at breaking point in relation to menopause. But I'm on the Balance menopause app (created by Dr Louise Newson) which includes a community where others discuss their experiences of perimenopause and menopause. Many there have described exactly what you describe, that they don't know themselves anymore and their relationship is really suffering with their partner, who is struggling to understand their experience. I just thought that may be one place you could connect.

Many there have had benefit from hormone meds and I have too, but it may or may not be the answer for you. It's just something to think about in case it helps. For some people it makes a truly major difference relatively quickly, for others it requires tweaking over a period of time to get it right. But a number of people on the above-mentioned app say their marriage has improved once their symptoms improved. You will find sympathy and understanding there anyway. There is a forum called Menopause Matters which I have read but not joined that may also be helpful.

Take good care and try to remember the hormonal changes are getting the upper hand right now, but the you that you have always known is still there underneath. It's just incredibly difficult for some of us who are hit so hard at this time of life. Don't hesitate to reach out to someone like a hormone specialist doctor either via a specialist menopause clinic (which I have done and found very helpful) or through a GP with a menopause focus.

All the best and keep chatting here if you would like to,

ER